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An Open Letter to My Female Peers: Don’t Settle

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By Sarah Farkas

Fate. Fate is something that is becoming a mythical and outdated concept among college students today. We don’t believe in fate. We don’t believe in meeting our soul mate at the library or a coffee shop. We don’t believe in getting accidentally snowed into a cabin with someone and falling in love with them in that crazy, unique circumstance. We don’t believe in falling through thin ice and getting saved by a gentleman passing by. We don’t believe in romantic gestures, like when Noah tried to catch Allie’s attention at the County Fair in The Notebook. We are settling for surface-level relationships. We are hiding behind Snapchats, iPhone read receipts and Instagram likes. We are settling for online flirtation instead of dinner dates and movie nights. We meet boys at frats who have girlfriends at home who they think we will never find out about. We fall fast and hard for the boy who tells us whatever we need to hear to get us into bed, only to rarely hear from him again minus a few mass Snapchats. You are worth more than a meaningless hookup.

We are settling for boys who cheat. You do not deserve to be cheated on under any circumstances, ever. We are dating men who cancel plans often when there may be a boy out there who will show up ten minutes early for your plans together. Don’t settle for a man who treats you well in private, but acts like you mean nothing in front of his friends. We are settling for boys who open doors behind them instead of in front of us. Don’t settle for the boy who treats you bad and doesn’t give you butterflies, just because you are afraid no one else will ever love you. Do not stay out of fear. Take risks if you are craving something deeper. Find whatever it is you are looking for, because I know it’s out there. Heartbreak is inevitable. You will cry, be hurt, and then one day you will have simply moved on to something—or someone—better. In the blink of an eye, someone you least expected can mend your broken heart.

I am not trying to say a perfect man exists, because they don’t. As women, however, we should not be expecting for them to be perfect. We are expecting expensive gifts and craving extravagant dinners with a significant other when we should be happy with walks on the beach, meaningful conversion and romantic Chipotle dinners in front of a cheesy Netflix movie. We should be satisfied sitting on a couch and laughing for hours, enjoying a man’s presence. Perfect men don’t exist, but there is someone that is perfect just for you. There is someone whose laugh will create perfect harmony when aligned with yours, and someone who will dance around the kitchen with you on a Tuesday night, tipsy from a glass of wine you both split. There is someone who will drive with you to Taco Bell for a late night snack, and someone that will hold you when you have reached your limits.

Do not ever sell yourself short. You are an amazing person. Do not be afraid. No matter how hard it is to believe that someone great is waiting for you, God’s greatest gifts come when least expected. Because if it is not who you are with right now, you must believe that whoever is waiting is even better. If he won’t treat you like you have always dreamed of being treated, someone else will. You should not feel like you are ever settling at any point. If you are settling, you are better off alone. If he is unfaithful, you are better off alone. If you don’t wake up every morning excited to see him, you are better off alone. If he doesn’t push you to be the best person you can be, you are better off alone.

Don’t settle just because he may be hot. Don’t settle just because he makes you look good on social media. Don’t settle just so you can have someone. We should not be in relationships just because we feel we should be. Wait for the right person. As for the relationships you see on Facebook and Instagram presented so perfectly, know that nothing is ever as perfect as it appears. Humans are crazy messes, but also beautiful masterpieces all at the same time. We are imperfect, and that’s okay. When you do find someone, know that you need to do your part too. Make him feel special and do extra things for him just because you feel like it. It is a two way street. Don’t settle, because there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally just the way you are, that I promise.

If you wouldn’t marry him, don’t date him. If you do not want your children to be like him, don’t date him. If you can’t see yourself waking up to his personality for the rest of your life, don’t date him. If he is rude to waiters or his mom, don’t date him. Don’t settle, but don’t have unrealistic expectations of what a man should be like. Date someone who makes you appreciate life and look forward to the future. Do not settle for a twenty-first century relationship. Seek an everlasting love with your soul mate, your other half and your very best friend.


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