February 14 is approaching pretty quickly, and while the traditional celebration of Valentine’s Day might be nauseating to some of us—you don’t necessarily need to celebrate V-Day in the conventional sense.

While some traditions are great, like showing your love and appreciation for your other half (even if that other half is yourself right now), but other V-Day traditions are kind of toxic. Like the whole commercialization of this “holiday,” or how Valentine’s Day tends to focus its celebration on heterosexuals.

Not only does Valentine’s Day traditionally reinforce gender roles, but it also excludes a lot of us in the LGBTQIA+ community because it promotes heteronormativity. This means that the holiday fosters heterosexuality as a “normal” representation of a couple. In doing so, it inhibits the inclusion of queer relationships and non-binary people. Case in point: out of the hundreds of Valentine’s Day-themed movies, none feature gay, lesbian, polyamorous or asexual coupledoms or the fact that most V-Day cards feature only “him” or “her” pronouns.

Instead of blindly celebrating these harmful, and often heteronormative, Valentine’s Day traditions, you can have a healthy, empowering and feminist V-Day.

Related: What To Do When Your SO Is Your Only Friend

1. Volunteer for a non-profit organization

Valentine’s Day is a holiday that celebrates love. Stereotypically, the holiday only honors love between hetero relationships; you can use V-Day to show your affection for a revolutionary cause.

After all, you have so much love to express, why should you commit to showing your affection to just one person? Express that love toward a beneficial charity or organization.

Giving back to your community is an exemplary way to show your love for multiple individuals (and for a movement that you’re passionate about—so in a way you’re also showing yourself some love when you volunteer on V-Day). Plus, it breaks the norm that you should showcase your love for only a single person on this day.

2. Ask your beau on a V-Day date (and plan the date yourself)

Break those hackneyed Valentine’s Day gender roles by asking your SO, situationship or fling on a date.

Even if you’re the laziest girl ever, you can still ask your boo on a date with minimal effort.

After your SO (hopefully) says yes, you can start planning your V-Day escapades. Don’t worry; you don’t have to plan a detailed itinerary for your date. You can keep it simple and take your other half to dinner—better yet, you both could help cook dinner.

3. Love yourself

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to admire the love of your life: you. And if you don’t love yourself, take this V-Day to change that.

Micki Wagner, a senior at the University of Missouri-Columbia, explains, “I think celebrating Valentine's Day by yourself is not only empowering, but also feminist because, despite what some might tell you, you don't even need a date to celebrate this day dedicated to love."

The best way to show yourself how much you care is obviously to practice some essential self-care. If your self-soothing remedy is reading, spend part of the day at a local bookstore and find a new novel to read. Nevertheless, focus on doing things that make you happy this Valentine’s Day.

4. Don’t focus on the day, focus on the person(s) you’re with

Many people get enveloped in celebrating Valentine’s Day for the day—but it’s so much more than just buying heart-shaped sweets and roses.

Instead of using this “holiday” as an excuse to waste hundreds of dollars on romantic gestures—which TBH are more exhausting than they are passionate—use this day to celebrate your favorite parts about your special person.

Though V-Day is stereotypically revolved around spending a plethora of time and money cards, chocolates and elaborate day-cations, you don’t need to spend money to show your SO that you care.

Instead of spending your paycheck on a gift (or two), celebrate Valentine’s Day by doing leisurely activities with your SO. If you aren’t sure what kind of kickback things your bae or situationship enjoys, then take the coming days to celebrate V-Day early—by listening to your SO.

Focusing on things your SO likes to do, rather than traditional Valentine’s Day events, will also show your SO that you love them without blatantly stating it.

5. Show your love for the special people in your life, other than your SO

Whether you’re single or in a committed FWB situation, you don’t need to spend your Valentine’s Day celebrating the romantic definition of love—you can use this holiday to observe platonic love (or instead).

Micki elaborates that she likes to use Valentine’s Day to cherish the important friends and family in her life. “In my 22 years so far, I have yet to have a date for Valentine's Day, so I normally use Valentine's Day as a time to celebrate my friends and the people I love in my life, including myself,” Micki explains. “I find that to be not only empowering, but also a nice way to check in with myself and remind myself how grateful I am for the amazing people in my life.” Why shouldn’t you celebrate your love for your friends, roomies and family on Valentine’s Day? After all, it is the day of love.

Regardless of your relationship status, or lack thereof, you don’t need to honor the commercialized parts of Valentine’s Day. Aside from Galentine’s Day, you can celebrate love this February in a feminist-friendly way.

I'm not sure how Chrissy Teigen's Twitter haters haven't gotten the message yet, but if you say nasty things about her thinking you'll be protected by being buried under dozens of her other mentions, think again — because she's not afraid to call you out.

One particularly clueless Twitter troll learned this today after he tried to tell Chrissy that all she does is "spend other people's money," and boy, did he have it coming. It all started when chef extraordinaire Chrissy took to Snapchat to show off the rack of lamb she was making and the subsequent disaster after it fell on the floor.

She aptly titled the Twitter version of the whole incident "A Bedtime Story."

After letting us all know in a follow-up tweet that she ate it anyway (because Chrissy is all of us), one particularly icky male of the Twitter-sphere decided to offer Teigen a backhanded compliment, saying she is "his perfect partner" because all she does is "spend other people's money."

As per usual, Chrissy wasn't having it — and offered up some *receipts* (namely a Forbes article that ranked her as the third highest paid model in the world) to prove that she isn't depending on anyone else for her lamb chops.

Now someone please inform this guy that women can, in fact, support themselves all by their damn selves — boy, bye.

If you’re looking for a festive way to cook up some Valentine’s Day fun, look no further! We came up with a list of easy recipes for the sweet people in your life. Whether you’re spending the night with the girls or looking to surprise that special someone, we’ve got the yummiest ways to show your love.  

1. Valentine Heart Kebabs

Recipe from Parents

Ingredients

• 1 cantaloupe
• 1 honeydew melon
• 1/2 watermelon
• 1 6-ounce container plain low-fat yogurt
• 1 tablespoon frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
• 1 tablespoon honey
• Heart-shaped cookie cutter

Directions

1. Cut fruit into 1-inch-thick slices. Using a small, heart-shaped cookie cutter, cut hearts from melon slices. Poke a hole in each heart with a toothpick, going from top to bottom. Then, thread popsicle sticks.
2. Stir together yogurt, orange juice concentrate and honey until well combined. Serve with hearts.

2. Heart in a Basket: Egg and Toast

Recipe from Martha Stewart

Ingredients

• Slice of bread
• 3 teaspoons butter
• 1 egg
• 3-inch heart-shaped cookie cutter

Directions

1. Using a 3-inch heart-shaped cookie cutter, remove the center of a thick slice of bread and toast it. Melt 1 ½ teaspoons butter in a small skillet over medium heat.
2. Place bread slice in skillet and cook until underside if lightly browned. Add another 1 ½ teaspoon butter and flip bread. Fit cookie cutter, coated with cooking spray, in bread’s cutout heart, and crack an egg into cutter.
3. Cover skillet and cook until egg is set, 2-3 minutes. Use tongs to remove cutter. Serve with a toasted heart for dipping into yolk.

3. Rasmopolitan

Recipe from Martha Stewart

Ingredients

• 1 ounce (2 tablespoons) citrus-flavored vodka
• 1 ounce (2 tablespoons) raspberry-flavored vodka
• 1/2 ounce (1 tablespoon) Chambord
• 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lime juice
• 1 tablespoon simple syrup
• 2 tablespoons cranberry juice
• Raspberries for decoration

Directions

1. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway with ice. Add vodkas, Chambord, lime juice, simple syrup and cranberry juice. Shake or stir until well chilled. Strain into a martini glass.
2. Garnish with raspberries; serve.

4. Homemade Vanilla Bean Marshmallows

Recipe from Baked Bree

Ingredients

• 3 packets unflavored gelatin
• 1 cup water
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 cup light corn syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 vanilla bean (seeded)

Directions

1. Pour 1/2 cup of water into a small bowl. Sprinkle the packages of gelatin over the water. Give it a whisk. Let the mixture sit while you make the sugar syrup.
2. Combine the sugar, corn syrup, salt and 1/2 cup water in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat; do not stir this mixture.
3. Once the sugar dissolves, raise the heat to medium-high and cook until a candy thermometer reaches 240 degrees Fahrenheit.
4. Put the gelatin mixture and the scraped vanilla seeds into the bowl of a stand mixer using the whisk attachment.
5. Slowly pour the sugar mixture into the mixer while on low speed.
6. Whip on high speed for 10 to 15 minutes. It will have gained volume and turned bright white. Add the vanilla.
7. Dust the bottom of a 9-by-13-inch pan with powdered sugar. Be very generous with the sugar, or you will never get the marshmallow out of the pan.
8. Pour the marshmallow out and smooth.
9. Let the pan sit out, uncovered, overnight.
10. The next day, cut out using a sharp knife, or cookie cutters.
11. Dip the cookie cutters into powdered sugar so that you can get them out. Also, dust the marshmallows again (especially the sides) so they do not stick together.

5. Pizza Made With Love

Recipe from Yummy Mummy Kitchen

Ingredients

• 1 prepared pizza dough
• Your favorite sauce
• Fresh mozzarella cheese, drained and sliced
• Freshly grated Parmesan cheese
• Your favorite toppings

Directions

1. Preheat oven and a pizza stone to 550 degrees Fahrenheit for at least one hour. Have dough in a lightly greased bowl covered with a towel while oven is preheating.
2. Place pizza dough on a lightly floured piece of parchment paper.
3. Stretch dough into a heart shape. Trim with a knife as needed.
4. Spread sauce over dough and top with favorite cheese and toppings.
5. Use a cookie cutter to punch a heart shape out of a red bell pepper.
6. Transfer pizza and parchment (will help keep the heart shape) to the hot pizza stone.
7. Cook 8-10 minutes or until crust is brown and cheese is bubbly.

6. Conversation Heart Cookies

Recipe from Martha Stewart

Note: You’ll need to make the icing before the hearts.

Royal icing ingredients

• 2 pounds confectioner's sugar, sifted
• 10 tablespoons meringue powder
• 1 cup water

Royal icing directions

1. Combine confectioner's sugar and meringue powder in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment.
2. Mix on low speed until combined, about 1 minute.  With mixer on low, gradually add water. 
3. Mix on low until smooth and the consistency of thick honey, about 5 minutes. Do not overbeat.
4. If icing is too thick, add more water, a little at a time, beating to desired consistency. If icing is too thin, continue mixing for 2 to 3 minutes more.
5. Icing will keep, covered and refrigerated, for up to 1 week. Stir with a rubber spatula before using.

Conversation hearts ingredients

• 2 cups sifted all-purpose flour, plus more for surface                                                                                
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder                                                                                                          
• 1/4 teaspoon salt                                                                                                                        
• 4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened                                                                                    
• 1 cup sugar                                                                                                                                    
• 1 large egg                                                                                                                                     
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• Royal icing                                                                                                                                
• Gel-paste food coloring (such as leaf green, lemon yellow, peach, red, rose and violet)

Conversation hearts directions

1. Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt in a large bowl.
2. Cream butter and sugar with a mixer on medium speed until pale and fluffy.
3. With mixer running, add egg and vanilla. Reduce speed to low.
4. Add flour mixture gradually, beating until just incorporated.
5. Divide dough in half; flatten each half into a disk and wrap each in plastic.
6. Refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour (or overnight).
7. Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit with racks in top third and lower third.
8. Let 1 disk of dough stand at room temperature just until soft enough to roll, about 10 minutes.
9. On a lightly floured work surface, roll out dough to just under 1/4-inch thickness, adding more flour as needed to keep dough from sticking.
10. Cut out cookies with a 2-inch heart cutter, and place them 2 inches apart on a parchment-lined baking sheet.
11. Roll out scraps once and repeat.
12. Repeat with remaining disk of dough.
13. Freeze cookies until very firm, about 15 minutes.
14. Bake cookies, rotating sheets halfway through and switching from top to bottom, until edges turn golden brown, 14 to 16 minutes.
15. Let cool on sheets on wire racks. Cookies will keep, covered, for up to 1 week.
16. Divide royal icing into 1/2-cup portions in small bowls.
17. Tint each with a different gel paste food coloring, starting with just a drop, mixing well, and adding more, drop by drop, to reach desired shade.
18. Transfer 1 bowl of icing to a pastry bag fitted with a 1/8-inch round plain tip. Pipe the outline around edge of each cookie, then fill in with frosting. Poke air bubbles with a toothpick.
19. Transfer decorated cookies to a parchment-lined baking sheet, and let stand uncovered overnight until dry.
20. Arrange stamp letters to create desired phrases. Fold a paper towel into quarters.
21. Squeeze a small amount of red gel-paste food coloring onto a paper towel, and press stamp in coloring. (You may need to blot stamp a few times on a clean paper towel if coloring is too thick.)
22. Lightly press stamp on top of icing in center of each cookie.
23. Let stand until dry, about 30 minutes.
24. Stamped cookies will keep, covered, for up to 3 days.

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Good morning Her Campus! With a break-neck news cycle, there is no possible way for you to stay on top of every story that comes across your feeds—we’re all only human, after all.

But, life comes at you fast. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in for this quick and dirty guide to stories you might’ve been sleeping on (like, literally. It’s early.)

Barack and Michelle Obama's Presidential Portraits Have Officially Been Unveiled

*Wipes away Obama White House nostalgia-induced tears* On Monday, Barack and Michelle Obama's official presidential portraits were unveiled at the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C. As the Washington Post reports, both commissions of the former FLOTUS and POTUS's portraits were given to African American artists for the very first time. Contemporary artist Kehinde Wiley was responsible for Barack's, which features him against a background of green foliage, and up-and-coming artist Amy Sherald created Michelle's stunning, colorful portrait. Oh, and as if we could possibly love them any more than we already do now, the former president reportedly joked about his wife's "hotness," so yeah, I'll just be over here treasuring this moment forever.

Donald Trump Jr.'s Wife Was Hospitalized After Being Mailed White Powder

Vanessa Trump, Donald Trump Jr.'s wife, had a scary Monday afternoon when she was taken to a New York hospital after being mailed an unidentified white powder, the Huffington Post reports. While the powder was later determined to be non-hazardous, Trump reportedly felt nauseous after being exposed to it when she opened the letter it was contained in, which was addressed to her husband. U.S. authorities have been on high alert for suspicious substances in the mail of government officials after five people were killed in 2001 when they opened envelopes containing anthrax that were addressed to lawmakers and media outlets.

The Justice Department Wants to Defund a Civil Rights Organization Dedicated to Fighting Hate Crimes

As part of its latest budget proposal, the Justice Department seeks to defund the Civil Rights-era office of Community Relations Service, which acts as a "peacemaker" in communities facing hate crimes and racially-charged tensions, BuzzFeed News reports. The office currently receives $15.4 million annually, and operates with 54 employees, all of which would be fired if the office is defunded. While the Justice Department has said "reorganization challenges" are the reason for cutting funding to the Community Relations Service under the current budget plan, civil rights activists are concerned about where this would leave communities plagued by racially-charged issues.

"We are at a time when there’s increased division in communities throughout this country, so this is a time to increase [funding], not to eliminate it," Grande Lum, who leads the Divided Community Project at the Ohio State University Moritz College of Law told BuzzFeed. "They worked closely with Martin Luther King and other civil rights leaders to help create positive, constructive outcomes and it would be really frustrating if that were shuttered forever."

What to look out for...

The Bachelor Winter Games premieres for the first time ever tonight! Tune in tonight at 8 p.m. EST on ABC to catch all the drama — meanwhile, check out the cast lineup here.

After several years of hard work, late night study sessions and endless cups of coffee, you’ve finally graduated from college! But now what? You may start to think about grad school but don’t really know if you’ll be happy there. Here are a couple of signs that you won’t like grad school if you’re still on the fence.

1. You’re not sure if grad school is the right financial decision

Let’s be real, grad school is expensive. After graduating college, you may already have thousands of dollars in loans and of course, the weight of owing money can give you loads of anxiety. Although some schools offer scholarships and other financial awards, it may not be enough to cover the full tuition. Keep in mind that in addition to tuition, you still have to pay for textbooks, boarding, food and other miscellaneous items.

For Heather Baldock, a University of Oregon alumna, the high cost of grad school caused her to consider other options. "Grad school is a great place to keep learning and growing, but for such a higher cost compared to undergrad, it was difficult for me to justify,” Heather says. “When I started going to college, I didn't really take into the consideration the intense financial hardship that would follow me due to student loans.”

Even though Heather worked jobs throughout college and obtained a scholarship each year she attended, she still ended up with thousands of dollars in debt and couldn’t imagine accruing more if she went to grad school.  “It's pretty daunting to think what adding another $40K on top of that would be like. I don't want to be paying off student loans forever, you know?"

Meg Drakos, University of Connecticut Graduate Admissions Associate, says that her biggest piece of advice for those considering a commitment to graduate school is to “reach out to all of the programs they apply to and inquire what their options are for Graduate Assistantships (GA’s), fellowships and scholarships.”

Some grad positions, Meg says, “come with a full tuition waiver along with a bi-weekly stipend, the amount of which is dependent on the number of hours the student has agreed to work weekly for the department.”

Like Meg points out, there are several ways to pay for grad school; but if you're already freaking out about your finances, being in grad school may put you in even more of a panic. You'll put more pressure on yourself and it definitely won't be enjoyable.

Related: What It’s Like Going to Grad School

2. Your field prioritizes experience over education

Believe it or not, there are some professional fields in which you don't even need to go to grad school to obtain a job. Rather, grad school in these fields as acts as way to form connections with those in your future field.

Emily Centeno, a UC Irvine 2015 alumna says, "I have thought about it, but for my field, (journalism) experience is so important and I felt like I needed to go out and experience the work force and start working."

In this case, you might want to consider obtaining a job, internship or fellowship and building up your resume. Think about it: the more experience you have in these fields, the more qualified of a candidate you'll seem. In the time that it would have taken you to complete grad school, you could be getting that vital hands-on experience you need to secure a job. And the plus side? You might also be making money instead of losing it!

3. You're still exploring different career paths

Maybe during your last year of college, you became passionate about a different field or still don't quite yet know what program you want to pursue. Maybe you don’t have a plan at all. If you need more time to think about what field you really want to pursue, you may rush into grad school too quickly and ultimately regret it.

Colie Lumbreras, a University of Iowa alumna and current Northwestern grad student, says that she was glad she waited before pursuing grad school. "I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted my career to look like so fresh out of college. Personally, I am glad I applied when I did because waiting led me to find the perfect program for me—which I completely missed this program the first two times I considered going to grad school."

Remember, grad school could cost you a hefty sum and you want to be sure about what you're studying to do before you spend thousands of dollars doing it. "You have to be motivated and excited for your program, otherwise it's going to drag and you're going to hate every minute of homework and studying. What you get out of grad school is what you put in to it," Colie says. 

4. You already have several time commitments

After graduating college, you may find yourself going in a million different directions. Maybe you want to spend some time traveling the world or yearn to spend some quality time hanging out with your friends and family.

"Grad school is a big time commitment and if you're not willing to give up a few brunches, after-work workout classes or dinners with friends, then wait," Colie says. Some grad school classes are online and you may have to balance that class with your work.

This was the case with Maya Dartiguenave, a University of Florida alumna, who took an online graduate class while also working a full-time job. “It’s a relatively big commitment (with an even bigger price tag), so my best advice is that there’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure out and be absolutely sure of what another degree would mean for your future."

5. You aren’t ready to or don’t want to move

When researching grad schools, you may find that a grad school you’re interested in is located several hours away. Relocating fees can be a tedious hassle, especially if you’ve never visited the school or state before. 

For that reason, Meg suggests that students do their research on the qualifications for in state vs. out of state residency. 

“Every state and school can have different requirements,” Meg says. “You do not want to be surprised when your fee bill comes and you were coded out of state, when financially you planned to attend as an in-state student. Ask these questions before you commit to a school.  You have the right to know what tuition rate you will be responsible for; the difference is thousands of dollars. All it takes is a phone call or an e-mail.”

Keep in mind that before the big move, you’ll have to decide whether you want to live on or off campus, when to move, what to bring, what you buy once you get there and if you want to have a roommate. If you don’t have enough time to plan all this out, going forward with your grad school plans might make the beginning of your school year extremely stressful. To make the transition to grad school as smooth as possible, try to plan a visit to the school beforehand and plan how you’re going to relocate if you attend.

6. You’re not sure how you feel about the school or program you’re considering

Grad school may be an option for you, but you might not be sure about a particular college or degree program. Oftentimes, grad school programs take years to accomplish and you want to make sure you have a definite understanding of what you’re getting yourself into.

Looking back, Maya said she knew right away she wasn’t going to enjoy her grad school experience the moment she committed going through the entire program online. “…What really killed the experience was the fact that I had to more or less go through school alone,” Maya says. “I even graduated ‘alone,’ as I was the only person in my particular program to graduate that semester; so, I never got the chance to meet any of the people I met through classes!”

Maya says there’s a huge difference between being in class and learning something online, and that online classes can make students feel disconnected. If you’re second guessing the grad school program or the teaching method, you should take the time to really learn about it and see if it’s a good fit.

Meg recommends that potential students, especially those interested in research-based fields, read up on the faculty in the programs. 

“Learn what their research interests are, e-mail them, ask questions,” Meg says. “The program you choose to attend will be your 'family' for the next 2-7 years depending on the degree you are seeking. The right fit is important, not only are you investing your money but also your time and much more. Make sure the school and the program feels like home—because it will be your home until you graduate.”

7. You feel pressured to attend

Whether it be your parents, family or friends, you may feel pressured by others to pursue a grad school career. It may feel continuing your education is what you’re supposed to do. But if you're not really passionate about grad school and are just doing it to appease someone, you probably won’t be happy. Remember, your parents and friends aren’t the ones that would have to study every day at grad school. Ultimately, you are. This is your life and you have to live it for yourself. 

Follow Aysha Mahmood on Twitter and Instagram.

The coveted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover was revealed on Tuesday, and its 2018 star is model Danielle Herrington. 

When the announcement was made on Twitter, Herrington called it the best day of her life. In an appearance on Good Morning America, she said she was bawling when she first found out about the decision.

"I worked so hard for this and I put in so much work... I reached my dreams," Herrington said. 

She also made a heartwarming post on Instagram.

"I dedicate this to all the young girls out there," Herrington wrote. "Work hard, surround yourself with good people who believe in you and your DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!"Yasss, girl.

The 2018 cover is particularly important because its only the third to feature a black woman since Tyra Banks in 1997 and Beyoncé in 2005. 

Herrington's from Compton, California and just started modeling in 2015. It's safe to say she's got a great career ahead of her!

Finally — Kylie Jenner is back on Instagram. 

Just about one week after Kylie posted the adorable photo of newborn Stormi holding her thumb, she took to Instagram with two photos of none other than Kylie herself, sitting behind the wheel of a Bentley. She's, of course, wearing an outfit that matches the car's interior.

But it's not necessarily her perfect makeup that's stealing the show. If you look closely, you can see something shiny on that finger on her left hand.

Fans first noticed the ring during the video Kylie posted announcing her pregnancy. 

Nobody's sure if it's a legitimate engagement ring, but that surely won't stop anyone (including me!) from speculating.

With Valentine's Day in the not-so-distant future, you may already be planning the perfect Valentine’s Day look. We've put together a list of three perfect hairstyles (and how to recreate them!) for those looking to try something new for the biggest date night of the year. Check them out below!

1. The side fishtail braid

The fishtail braid is beautiful, versatile and easy to do. Here’s how to get the look!

1. Gather your hair onto one side and brush it through so that there are no tangles or knots.
2. Separate your hair into two sections.
3. Take a small section of hair from the back of one section and bring it over to the front of the opposite section.
4. Then, repeat this alternating the side that you are taking the hair from until you reach the bottom of your hair.
5. Tie the bottom with an elastic.
6. For a more casual look, slightly pull the sides of the braid to loosen it.
7. When you’re done, to avoid frizz, give it a quick spray with a hairspray such as Drybar's Money Maker Flexible Hold Hairspray ($26).

2. Sultry beach waves

A soft yet sultry look. Here’s how to achieve it!

1. The night before Valentine’s Day, separate your hair into two sections.
2. Create two classic braids and sleep in this hairstyle. If you have just showered, the waves will be even better.
3. The next day, undo your two braids and redo your hair into one braid; this will keep the hair wavy, but by reconfiguring the direction of the strands, it'll look more natural by the end of the day.
4. When you are getting ready, undo your braid and spray in product such as TRESemmé'sKeratin Smooth Shine Serum ($5) and run your hands through your hair to loosen the waves.

3. Pin straight high ponytail

A classic, sexy, no-fuss hairstyle. Here’s how to get this look!

1. Spray a heat protectant such as Alterna'sBamboo Anti-Breakage Thermal Protectant Spray ($15) onto dry hair.
2. With a straightening iron, straighten your hair completely.
3. Comb a small amount of hair gel, like the FRAGFRE Styling Gel ($12), through the top portion of your hair.
4. Flip your hair overhead and run your hands through it, collecting it into a ponytail; fasten it tightly.
5. Spray an extra holding spray such as Nick Chavez's Plump 'N Thick Thicking Hairspray ($23) over your hair to avoid any frizz.

Whether you're having a casual day out or a romantic dinner for two, these hairstyles will suit any Valentine's Day event!

Anna Wintour, the famous editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine, is never one to crack a smile so openly and so often. Given her high stature in the fashion world, it makes sense why Wintour takes on a more serious persona no matter where she goes. After all, when you're the queen of an empire, you have to maintain some composure. Netizens, however, were left absolutely shook by pics showing Anna Wintour smiling with Cardi B at the Alexander Wang show this past weekend during New York Fashion Week.

That's right! The well-composed Wintour and the bubbly Cardi B were seen sitting next to each other at the show, sharing pleasantries and smiles as they watched the models stroll by on the catwalk. For the internet, seeing Wintour this cool was a shock, but given that Cardi B was the one to make her grin, it was totally expected.

Twitter was ~living~ for the dynamic duo, one user writing, "I can't believe Cardi B has Anna Wintour out here showing teeth. What a time to be alive."

L.L. Bean has just announced a humongous change to its return policy, shocking boot lovers everywhere. The esteemed outerwear brand was notorious for their accommodating lifetime return policy on their products, allowing customers to bring back defective products no matter how much time has passed from the original purchase date. Since its inception literally 106 years ago (!), L.L. Bean has maintained this lifetime return policy, earning long-standing loyalty from its customers.

However, L.L. Bean recently came to the decision that keeping the policy in place was doing a significant amount of harm to consumer credibility, feeling that customers were beginning to take advantage of the brand's generous return policy. The company posted a letter to their Facebook page last week, detailing their reason for changing the policy:

As L.L. Bean's statement puts it, "Increasingly, a small, but growing number has been interpreting our guarantee well beyond its original intent. Some view it as a lifetime product replacement program... Based on these experiences, we have updated our policy." L.L. Bean will now only take products back within one year from its original purchase date, as listed on the L.L. Bean website. After one year has passed, items will be considered for return based on defective materials or craftsmanship. 

L.L. Bean lovers had mixed feelings about the company's decision, with some understanding the company's concerns while others practically ditched the brand in outrage. One Twitter user wrote, "I applaud LL Bean for taking action on this issue. Anyone who is upset by their new policy would implement the same thing if it was their company. People are taking advantage of it. Why should someone be allowed to return a well worn 10 year old jacket they scooped at Goodwill?"

Another user wasn't quite as happy, saying, "Ll Bean updated their return policy today and it ruined 2018 no more new moccasins."

Nowadays, if you wanna fall in love, there’s an online resource that will help you do it. Apps like Tinder and Bumble match you with singles in your area with just a swipe of your thumb. If you want a more specific kind of SO? Don’t worry, there’s a dating site for you. FarmersOnly.com boasts the tagline “city folks just don’t get it”, while Christian Mingle claims it helps Christian men and women “find a loving, God-centered relationship built on mutual faith and love.”

And if you enjoy consuming cannabis? Thanks to the startup social networking app High There, you’ve got a chance to make a move as well.

According to its website, High There “unites cannabis users and enthusiasts with each other in a friendly and judgment-free environment.” It’s similar to Tinder in its layout: You make a profile and can then scroll through the profiles of others until you find someone with whom you want to connect. It helps you find people based on your cannabis preferences. You can say whether you prefer smoking or vaping and what your energy levels are when you're high.

Darren Roberts, cofounder of High There, told Her Campus that the idea came to him after experiencing the stigma surrounding cannabis: “My co-founder and I both knew so many people in our lives who consumed cannabis because of the positive effects it had on their lives, but there was a common sentiment that often they were stigmatized socially for their cannabis consumption, especially when it came to dating,” he said. “They would go on a first date and as soon as they mentioned they consumed cannabis, the other person would be turned off.”

Like any successful entrepreneur, after identifying the problem, Roberts found a way to fix it.

“We knew we could create a technology that would connect the millions of cannabis consumers worldwide in a safe, fun, and judgment free environment,” he told Her Campus. “Our app has not only been responsible for people meeting and falling in love but also for friendships and meet-ups and everything in between.”

If this is your first time hearing about High There, it certainly won’t be your last. 

“We constantly want to evolve and create more value for our community and the cannabis community at large," Roberts said. "We are currently working on more features that will provide even more ways for people to connect in groups as well and offline with events and meetups. We will also be adding more content and gamification to our platform to make it even more engaging for our users.”

And if you’re a sucker for a good love story (I know I am), then Roberts has got you covered.

“We had a user from Australia fly all the way to NYC to meet a guy she met on the app,” he said. “They spent the whole night sitting outside looking at the Hudson River chatting about cannabis, life and love.” Awww.

So if you too have had trouble dating because of your love for cannabis, High There might just be the move for you. If someone looks ~dope~ don’t be afraid to be ~blunt~ and swipe right!

High There is available for free on the App Store and Google Play.

For the past 21 years of my life, I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day. Because of that, I’ve always referred to February 14 as National Single Awareness Day or Galentine’s Day. I'm not going to lie–spending Valentine’s Day single hasn’t been easy, but I’ve also accepted the fact that it’s just an ordinary day, and I don’t need a significant other to spoil me or contribute to my self-worth. Getting into that mindset took time though, and I definitely experienced my share of struggles along the way.

When it seems as though everyone around me is in a relationship, not having a romantic Valentine’s date planned can feel like torment.

One year it got to me so much, I started questioning what could be wrong with me–and then I started changing things such as my physical appearance, personality and my friend group in hopes that someone would love me romantically. I tried to spontaneously change up my hairstyles and my wardrobe to incorporate designer brands and sexier attires. Suddenly, I became an idealized version of myself and tried so hard to be someone who I am not, all in pursuit of finally having an SO. 

My friends around me would comfort me by saying, “Good things come to those who wait,” or “You’re such a beautiful and friendly person, anyone would want to be with you.” Those words went in one ear and out the other.

Now, I'm realizing that I can’t let my relationship status define who I am, nor will I let it take over my life.

I was raised to be an independent woman, and as an only child, I’ve been brought up to feel secure in myself and by myself. So, I’m not going to sit here and cry over not having someone to spoil me on an arbitrary day, a day that society has decided we should use to show our affection. I’m not going to let myself be jealous of boyfriends surprising their girlfriends with flowers, human-size teddy bears, chocolates or jewelry. In fact, I think that you should treat your partner every day how you would on Valentine’s Day when you’re in a relationship. 

Though I've spent 21 Valentine’s Days single, I really am OK.

I’m living my life to the fullest, I’m pursuing my dreams and embarking on new adventures and challenges each day. Plus, I’m grateful that I haven’t yet experienced any of the heartbreaks and relationship problems that my friends have, to the point where it takes a toll on their academics and daily life because of the emotional damage done.

So ladies, I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you, and it’s 110 percent OK to be single every Valentine’s Day. I’ve survived it! If a date comes, that's great. If they don’t, it’s still great, because you’re strong and you are enough for yourself. We will not let our relationship statuses define who we are as individuals, and Valentine's Day is no different.

Recently Okcupid made the change from people using usernames to real names on their site, and it quickly caused an uproar on the Internet from the dating sites users. 

But, personally, I hadn't heard about anyone my age being upset about it. In fact, most people I knew just used Tinder (or Bumble or Hinge or some other swipe-based app). Which made me wonder, why is our generation so drawn to Tinder as opposed to more traditional full-profile dating websites like Okcupid? I reached out to young people and a few psychologists to find out why the Tinder-model of online dating has such an appeal and here are the answers I got:

It’s convenient for our busy schedules.

This was the number one response I received. It’s free to make a Tinder account, it’s easy to make a profile and you can absent-mindedly swipe when you have down time. Also, many people our age don’t have time for a committed relationship due to busy class schedules and jobs, but they still want to casually date, which Tinder allows.

Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, associate professor at St. Francis College and expert on first date experiences agreed.

“Many of the people that you meet on dating sites are the same people that you would meet and decide to go out with in person (provided you are filtering based on your interests/desires/non-negotiables, etc.),” said Cohen. “Online dating is especially wonderful for people with busy schedules. It gives us access to available others, thereby opening up our dating pool.”

There’s no long questionnaires.

A lack of lengthy questionnaires goes along with the convenience of Tinder. Something about questionnaires turns younger people off. Many say they’re time consuming, don’t portray what you want to say about yourself or some people don’t take them seriously at all. People like that you have a lot of control over your profile on Tinder.

“I think young people prefer Tinder because it’s meant for first impressions,” said Arabella Villanueva, a recent Stephen F. Austin State University graduate. “You can choose to reveal as much or as little as you want, and you don’t have to wait for the app to tell you whether you’re a good match for a person. You get to decide a lot for yourself.”

Also, Tinder is open to people who are looking for something more casual, so people have no reason to fill out those lengthy profiles or answer all of those hyper specific questions. 

“[I] wasn't sure if I was looking for a relationship, so it seemed silly to spend so much time carefully answering questions and looking through matches and making an account on yet another dating app for just a casual fling,” said Marcy Ayres, 25, of Brooklyn.

It’s a confidence boost when you’re bored.

Along with the low commitment, many people have Tinder accounts just for fun. Some don’t use their accounts a lot, and only swipe though when they’re bored – not necessarily when they’re looking to meet someone. Others use Tinder to help them get back out there after a breakup without being too serious about dating. Or it can be a confidence boost to get matches even though you may never actually message them.

“I chose Tinder because it was the easiest to use and it’s what my roommates were using, so it was fun to sit on the couch with a bottle of wine and swipe together,” said Lauren Nelson, student at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

But you can still find a relationship if you want.

Despite Tinder being geared towards hook ups, many people ended up finding a relationship on Tinder. They admit there were a lot of creepy people to swipe through, but once they found someone genuine, the app actually made it easier for them to get to know the person.

“People may think of a first date as a time to get to know a person (their interests, hobbies, vocation, etc.), however all of this potentially was discussed during your initials emails, phone calls, or texts,” said Cohen. “So when meeting up for the first time, you have already moved past a lot of those pleasantries. It allows you to jump right in at a potentially more intimate place.”

And many students agreed with Cohen: “I do hate the ‘stigma’ of Tinder because a lot of people hear the word ‘Tinder’ and automatically think it’s just a place to find hook ups,” said Emily Flatt, student at Lindsey Wilson College. “I’ve met lots of great guys and been on multiple dates through Tinder.”

However, there are still reasons to dislike online dating.

In my reporting, I still found that these apps still had some pit-falls—like all other online dating sites. It may feel awkward talking to someone online you’ve never met before. Some people who are looking for relationships claim that they can only find people looking to hook up. And who could forget the endless amount of trolls? Every woman I’ve talked to has received countless messages with sexual jokes and innuendos and no earnest attempt to make conversation.

“I have never used a traditional dating site before, but I do think I would prefer a traditional dating site over [swiping apps because they're] so casual, and a lot of people aren’t using it for the idea of a real relationship,” said Kaitlin Clatterbuck, a student at Lake Superior State University. “I could see myself using a traditional site in the future (if needed), because I feel confident that the people on there are in it for the real thing, and I wouldn’t feel like I was wasting my time with guys who are only looking for short-term hookups.”

But are current dating app trends changing our feelings about romance? Maybe not.

Professor at the University of Haifa and expert on the study of emotions, Dr. Aaron Ben Ze’ev seems to disagree. He said that despite the technological advances, some things — like romantic love — fail to change over time, which is why he said we can still relate to Plato and Shakespeare. Online dating and swipe-friendly apps like Tinder are just a new way to channel these romantic feelings.

“We are addicted to rapid novelty that takes place in constant flux,” said Ben-Ze’ev. “However, long-term profound love is still an ideal most people cherish and want to achieve. I do not think that this ideal will vanish, though it becomes in our society more difficult to achieve it.”

Growing up, Valentine’s Day was always one of the best days of the year, right up there with Christmas and my birthday. First off, my favorite color is, was and always will be pink, so Valentine’s Day decorations always  felt like they were designed just for me. I also loved picking out valentines cards from the store—Disney princess cards one year, Hannah Montana cards the next—and sitting at the kitchen table with a list of my classmates, determining which card matched each of their personalities best.

But the best part of Valentine’s Day, by a long shot, was my family's Valentine’s Day celebration. My mom would tell us all to hide up in one of our rooms, and my three younger siblings and I would sit on one bed, giddy with excitement. We would wait for five minutes at most (but it felt like a lifetime). Sometimes my sister would press her ear against the door, trying to listen but, forever the responsible oldest child, I would get upset and tell her she was going to ruin the surprise.

Then my mom would yell, “Come on down!” We would scramble down the stairs and into the living room and she would hand each of us a bag of candy and a handmade card, which I held as though it was sacred, until it was my turn to open it.

Looking back on it, our family Valentine’s Day celebrations were so uneventful, so simple, that it’s almost laughable. Each card had a fill-in-the-blanks poem on it, written by my mom in Crayola marker. These poems were about as poorly-written as you could possibly imagine: Sometimes at school/ You do arts and crafts/ For your Valentine/ Look in the _ _ _ _!

“The bath!” one of us would squeal, and we would all race up to the bathroom, where, sure enough, a Valentine’s gift was waiting.

As vivid as this memory is for me, I don’t remember a single one of the gifts my mom got me. The only Valentine’s gift I distinctly remember is the year my little brother got a Chauncey Billups jersey, back when he played for the Pistons. Other than that, the gifts all fade together, hiding somewhere in the back of my memory. All I know is that I loved Valentine’s Day: And that’s because, every year, my mom was my Valentine.

I know the family Valentine’s Day celebration was just important to my mom as it was to me. Every year she would remind us, “This isn’t my idea, it’s my mom’s idea. Grandma Shosh did the same thing for us when we were kids.”

I never met Grandma Shosh, but I’m often told how well we would have gotten along. My immediate family would never consider watching a musical (except for maybe the Super Bowl halftime show) but, in fifth grade, I still announced that my passion was theatre. We were at a family reunion two hours north of home during tech week of Annie and my mom drove me all the way home for rehearsal every single night. On the way back up to the family reunion each night, when my face was still plastered with stage makeup and my mom was exhausted from all the driving, my job was to look carefully at every sign on the highway so that we wouldn’t miss Starbucks: Vanilla lattes were a quintessential part of our drive home. As we sipped at the milky sweetness, my mom told me that Grandma Shosh also would have preferred musicals to soccer, just like me. I’m excited to celebrate Valentine’s Day with Grandma Shosh in heaven someday.

It’s hard for me to imagine my mom and her five siblings as little kids, waiting excitedly for Grandma Shosh to hide their valentines around the house. But, then again, it’s hard to imagine my siblings and me doing that anymore either. As the years passed on, we started doing homework and texting our friends as we waited for my mom to hide the presents. I’m sure at some point, we asked if she could just give them to us instead, so we could go back to studying or watching Netflix or whatever else we were doing. Before I knew it, I didn’t even live with my family anymore and my mom was texting me, asking what would be a good time to drop my valentine off at my dorm.

I know single people, especially college students, are supposed to be bitter about Valentine’s Day. We’re supposed to angrily remind people that it’s a Hallmark holiday, that it exists just to drive sales of chocolate and teddy bears. But I’ve never seen that as a bad thing.

Each year, as I see ads around campus for Candy Grams and coffee shops start to boast about some sort of pink variation of their signature drink, I’m thankful that in a world of chaos, we have at least a day dedicated to love. I could be single the rest of my life, but I know that my mom will always be my valentine — just like Grandma Shosh will always be hers.

For those of you totally oblivious to all things royal gossip (or just any gossip at this point), Prince Harry of Wales proposed to American actress Meghan Markle back in November of 2017 — and now the details of their wedding are starting to leak.

The ceremony is set to take place at St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, at 7 a.m. EST on May 19th. While we don't know what Markle's gown will look like or who's on the guest list, we do know that Ed Sheeran is rumored to perform. 

According to Us Weekly, a source has revealed that Prince Harry personally asked Sheeran to perform at the wedding. Talk about an invitation that you can'tt refuse.

When Sheeran was asked about the possibility in an interview back in December, Sheeran replied, "Yeah, why not?" As if performing at one of the biggest events around the globe is that casual, Ed!

While we don't know for sure if this is true or false and we certainly won't know until May 19, the honor would be huge for Ed Sheeran. Here's to hoping Beyoncé makes a surprise appearance and the two perform their iconic duet "Perfect."

One moment on this season of The Bachelor, we were still trying to tell the four Laurens apart, and the next, we’re suddenly anticipating hometown dates. I’m still unsure how we got here, and apparently so is Jacqueline. The 26-year-old research coordinator panicked on this week’s episode after she, too, realized that she was getting into the territory of being a potential Bachelorette pick. Okay, so her freakout was actually over her “swirling doubts” over her relationship with Arie, aka what we’ve all felt this year toward the lead.

Venting to everyone’s favorite guidance counselor Kendall, Jacqueline said, “I don’t think that introducing somebody to my family…after a date where I had doubts is, like, the right way to go about my relationship.”

ICYMI, a good chunk of Jacqueline and Arie’s one-on-one date last week focused on the logistics of their hypothetical post-show relationship. Jacqueline is a PhD candidate in New York City and has six years of school ahead of her, so her plans don’t exactly fit with Arie’s life as a racecar driver/real estate agent in Arizona.

Cue Jacqueline visiting Arie in his Tuscany hotel room and nursing a glass of wine while explaining her doubts to him. Taking inspiration from every movie about a disenchanted housewife ever, she told him, “I’m worried I’m going to end up in Scottsdale with you, married, and wonder, ‘How did I get here?’”

We obviously don’t have major insight into the contestants’ mindsets when they’re in a particular moment, but I would bet that this stage of the competition is always a pretty doubtful time. Some women are going on their second one-on-one dates, while others are just left to consider whether or not this relationship with Arie is valid. In likelihood, even if all of these women had the chance to move their lives to Arizona, the chance of success is slim, and what your life was like beforehand does matter.

You could argue that the other women’s careers are more easily adjustable to a new location. However, Jacqueline’s unique position of being committed to a certain program in a specific state has forced her to consider how Arie fits into her life, not the other way around. How many Bachelor winners do you see dropping everything and moving to their new fiancé’s hometown? In the case of Sean and Catherine Lowe, poor Catherine standing by for Sean’s Dancing with the Stars experience and then moving across the country to Texas happily worked out, but they are the rare success story.

Jacqueline’s case is also a circumstance of the female contestant having a way more impressive career path than the male lead (most of the women usually do, TBH). Perhaps if Arie was closer to Jacqueline’s age and less set in his own ways, Jacqueline wouldn’t have to feel that her dreams negatively affect this relationship. She and Arie already had locations across the country from each other and a decade’s age difference working against them, but Jacqueline ultimately choosing to accept her own validation over Arie’s was a great example of winning the guy not always being the best prize.

The best part of this is that Jacqueline is clearly doing amazing after being so emotionally torn at her departure. She’s having Instagram photoshoots with fellow Arie-reject Maquel in New York—what’s not to love?

Props to Jacqueline for taking control of her own Bachelor fate. Now if only she managed to give Lauren a pep talk before she left...

After recently dealing with an arrest for suspicion of rape back in October — and the case being dropped in December — Nelly is now under criminal investigation for a report of sexual assault that allegedly occurred on December 5 in England, according to TMZ.

The woman claims she asked for a picture with the rapper after his show in Essex at Cliffs Pavilion. Nelly then allegedly asked the woman and her friends to join him in his dressing room.

Once there, the woman and Nelly went into a room next door. "She [the unidentified woman] claims once in the room he dropped his pants and began masturbating in front of her," TMZ said. "She also claims he put his hand on her top and tried pulling it off. She says he also tried kissing her as she tried to bolt from the room."

According to TMZ, the woman said Nelly then put one hand on the back of her head and his other hand on her shoulder, forcing her head down and pushing his erect penis into her mouth.

She then claimed she ran out of the room as Nelly called her "a c*nt."

The woman said she didn't immediately go to the police because she didn't think they would believe her story. Now, Essex police are investigating the incident. 

National treasure, true blessing and breakout star of 2017 Tiffany Haddish has given us yet another gift (as if her role in Girl's Trip and her incredibly relatable Groupon commercials weren't enough). 

In a preview for One TV's new series UNCENSORED, a TV show that gives us an intimate look at the lives of some of today's most notable faces, Haddish discusses the night she met Queen Bey. 

Haddish gushed about Beyoncé — as one does — but also mentioned how when she was talking to Jay-Z, another actress (who Haddish didn't name) was talking to him, too. Then, said actress touched Jay-Z's chest. 

"Beyoncé came walking up like … ‘Bitttchhh!’ But, she didn’t say that," Haddish said. "Her demeanor, her body from the way she walked up on them said, ‘Get your hands off my man’s chest.'"

Oh, snap.

"So then she also started talking to the other actress and some other stuff happened, but I’m not gonna say nothin’ yet," Haddish said, finishing the story and crushing our hopes of ever finding out what happened. 

However, the situation raises a very important question: Anyone who has listened to Lemonade or read about Jay-Z's infidelity has to be crazy to put her hand anywhere near Jay-Z's body when Beyoncé is in the building, right?

Remember when Bekah M. from The Bachelor popped up in a Missing Persons collage on Facebook? Well, she fully explained the hilarious misunderstanding on Jimmy Kimmel Live! 

It turns out, Bekah had just been voted off of Arie's season after a group date and she decided to take a little vacation before returning home. 

"Alright, let me set the record straight," Bekah told Kimmel. "First of all, a lot of people thought I lied to my mother saying that I was on a farm when I was actually on The Bachelor. But no, I had already been eliminated from the show and I just decided to go up to the mountains with some friends for a couple of weeks, and I was there for six or seven days without phone service, which I thought I was going to have phone service and I told my mother that I would." Uh-oh. 

"I just had this weird feeling on like the sixth or seventh day. I was like, 'I need to go home now.' So I got in my car, drove to where I had service, called my parents and then come to find out only 12 hours before, my mom called the Humble [County] Sheriff's Department saying that I was missing," Bekah said.

Kimmel kept making jokes about her being on a marijuana farm because the Sheriff's Department initial report said she was. "To set the record straight, I am not a weed farmer, I'm still a nanny in L.A., but yes, my friends have a weed farm." This whole story is just too funny.

Prior to her Missing Persons story, Bekah talked about her elimination and her feelings on it all. "You know, I'm hanging in there. It was shocking for me as well. But, I'm picking up the pieces as I go along." Yes, girl. 

The Bachelor airs on Mondays at 8 p.m. and though we will miss Bekah, Arie still has a choice to make. Who will get the final rose? 

Asking someone for help with anything can be nerve wracking, especially when it's someone you look up to and admire. However, from pretty much the second you start college, great and unique opportunities arise that require applications, and often times, letters of recommendations.

Whether you're looking for a summer internship or completing a study abroad application, professors are a great resource to tap into when it’s time for a recommendation letter. They’ve gotten to know your work ethic on an intimate level, and hopefully you’ve been speaking up in class and going to office hours enough that they’ve to know you more personally. 

But asking professors for recommendations can be intimidating. There’s always the voice in the back of your heading thinking that they might say no and put you in an uncomfortable position. We talked to Professor Sarah Stanbury, a tenured professor of English at the College of the Holy Cross, and got some great advice that will hopefully ease your mind and give you confidence when asking for a recommendation.

Who to ask

As a college student, you’re going to encounter lots of professors that you will form different relationships with, so you’ll have to determine who is the best fit. “My biggest tip is to choose someone who knows something unique, special, and personal about you. Grad school committees and employers read hundreds of applications, and they can tell when the letter is genuine or when it is the traditional letter the teacher has written for every other student,” says Anna doCurral, a recent graduate of Assumption college who is currently working toward her Master’s Degree at Boston College. “You want someone writing your recommendation who has something to say about you that will set you apart from everyone else—a personal touch!”

Related: 7 Steps to a Stellar Grad School Application

You want to ask a professor who knows you on a personal basis, which means the work has to start long before you actually ask. “My main advice for any student seeking a letter of recommendation from a professor: make yourself known!” says Professor Stanbury. “When [professors] are asked to write a letter, we want to tell a story about that student that makes her into an individual.” Go to office hours, speak up in class, and choose someone who has seen you challenged. “When we are asked to write a letter, we want to tell a story about that student that makes her into an individual,” says Professor Stanbury. “What’s to make her look different from hundreds of other students? I want to know who she is, and want to have a story or two to tell about her.” If you’re applying to grad school, pick a professor in your major who has seen you face challenges and work to overcome them. If it’s for a job application, choose a professor from a major that relates to the field you are trying to work in.

How to ask

When it comes time to finally ask if they will write on your behalf, the most important thing to do is give them PLENTY of time. “There is nothing worse than saying you need a letter in a week,” says Anna. “Professors are busy and have their own lives—poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on their part! You’ll get a better, more thoughtful letter if you give them time to think about it.” You should ask at least six months in advance, two months if you’re able. If you’re on a shorter time period than a month, ask as soon as possible to give them as much time as you can.

If you are on campus and are able to, ask the professor in person to write on your behalf. If not, asking over email is totally fine. When you’re drafting the email, Anna suggests starting out with a “teachers’ pet” type of line, something along the lines of “I hope your recent conference went well” or “I hope your daughter’s birthday party over the weekend went well!” Let them know that you listen to what they say even when it doesn’t relate to what they teach.

Asking for a favor can be intimidating, but you don’t panic. “Students should never feel uncomfortable asking for a letter,” says Professor Stanbury. “We are educating students so that they can move on from college and pursue advanced degree programs, jobs, or internships; letting others know about their skills and credentials is part of the business of educating.” That being said, never make it sound like you assume a yes is coming. Don’t get caught up in all the complimenting and explanation that you forget what you are there for! Ask firmly and clearly: “Would you write a letter of recommendation on my behalf?” From there, go into why you chose them specifically, making sure to highlight that they have challenged you, making you into a better student. How have you learned from them, and how have you changed from taking their class? Finally, at the end make sure to say thank you! It’s such a little thing, but expressing gratitude is so important.

What to give them

When asking, include the specific details of the recommendation in the email so that your professor knows exactly what is expected of them. When you need it finished, what form it will be in, where it needs to be sent, and any special information or qualities they should highlight. If the letter needs to be sent in by mail, offer to provide them with an envelope and postage. If you’re asking in person, send them an email immediately after with all this information, or just include it in the initial email if you’re not in person.

The information you give a professor will change depending on what you’re asking them for. “When asking for a letter, be aware that not all recommendations are the same,” Professor Stanbury says. “A recommendation for Study Abroad is relatively easy to write… Recommendations for graduate school are another thing altogether. Most graduate programs are highly competitive, and securing strong letters that can speak to your achievements may well make the difference between an acceptance and a rejection.”

Try to give your professor something concrete they can reference when writing. A resume is a great way to show who you are outside the classroom, and if appropriate, some writing samples are good as well. “A student who was applying to graduate school recently sent me, as part of his materials, copies of all the papers he had written in my classes,” says Professor Stanbury. “Having those papers in front of me was very helpful when it came to writing his letter. I was able to refer to specific essays and quote turns of phrase—something that would have been much more difficult to do without those essays for reference.”

After you ask

You should also send them a reminder email if you’ve given them a long time to write it. Around two weeks before it is due, send them a quick email, gently checking in and reminding them of the recommendation and asking if they need anything from you to complete it. Don’t do this more than once, however, unless you’ve given them more than two months to write it. Trust that they have control of the situation and are organized and on track without nagging them constantly.

How to say thank you

Once the recommendation is finished, be sure to send a thank you email, and if you want to be really fancy a handwritten thank you note will really impress them. And keep them posted on how you make out! In agreeing to write on your behalf they are taking an active role in your future, and they most definitely want to know where you end up.

Every professor you are taught by has written a letter of recommendation at some point, so don’t freak out when it comes time to ask for one. They are more invested in your education than anyone else, because success on your end is success for them, and they want nothing more than for their students to use the knowledge they have taught to better the world.