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A Wisconsin High School Is Settling A Discrimination Lawsuit After Allegedly Monitoring A Trans Student's Bathroom Use

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A recent graduate of Tremper High School in Kenosha, Wisconsin has reached an $800,000 settlement with The Kenosha Unified School District after suing the district for discrimination in 2016 for allegedly barring him from using the bathroom of his choice. 

Ash Whitaker, a transgender student who graduated in June, was a senior at Tremper High School when he entered a legal battle with the school district. The Kenosha Unified School District was in the process of filing an appeal against a judge's ruling that allowed Whitaker, who was born a female but now identifies as a male, to use the men's restroom. According to WTMJ-TV Milwaukee, "school administrators said it would harm other students, particularly boys, who use the restrooms."

Whitaker sued the district for discrimination, as the staff of the school allegedly "monitored his use of the bathroom and made him wear a special bracelet to single him out from other students", the Associated Press reports. The Kenosha Unified School Board voted 5-2 on Tuesday night to settle with Whitaker and end its petition to the U.S. Supreme Court against rulings that allowed him to use the men's restroom during his senior year. 

The Kenosha Newsreleased a statement from Whitaker regarding the settlement.

"I am deeply relieved that this long, traumatic part of my life is finally over and I can focus on my future and simply being a college student. Winning this case was so empowering and made me feel like I can actually do something to help other trans youths live authentically. My message to other trans kids is to respect themselves and accept themselves and love themselves. If someone’s telling you that you don’t deserve that, prove them wrong."

$650,000 of the settlement will go to attorneys’ fees according to district attorney Ron Stadler, and the $150,000 remainder will go to Whitaker. Whitaker, who is now a freshman at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, will now also be permitted to use the men's restroom when returning to the high school campus as an alum due to the settlement, the Kenosha News reports. Unfortunately, the consent doesn't apply to other individuals beyond Whitaker, according to the attorney. 


Alligators Have Apparently Been Surviving In Frozen Ponds In North Carolina & You NEED To See The Video

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As the brutal winter temps start to kick in, the question is always how much should you layer-up to survive your morning commute to class or work? But, have you ever wondered how alligators survive the freezing cold come wintertime? Probs not, if we're being honest, but trust me, you'll want to know—and the video footage might make you feel a little more fortunate to be a human being! 

While it's scarves, a hat, gloves and a puffy jacket for most humans, alligators work much differently. According to a blog post shared by The Shallotte River Swamp Park in Ocean Isle Beach, North Carolina, cold-blooded reptiles such as alligators rely on the sun to increase their body temperature and stimulate their metabolism, so when the air and water temps that surround them move into freezing territory, they take some wildly drastic measures to survive.

So, what's a gator to do in the cold? While alligators can live in water temperatures as low as 40-degrees fahrenheit, alligators will go into a state called "brumation", where a reptile's metabolism slows down and they'll go into a lethargic state, according to The Shallotte River Swamp Park. They'll hang out at the bottom of the body of water, as they can hold their breath underwater anywhere from 1 to 24 hours (um, what?!). But don't worry! If they need to breathe, they'll simply surface and stick their nostrils out just above the surface of the water as it freezes, say the experts. 

Sounds totally crazy, right? Well, take a look for yourself!

Follow along with the park on their Facebook page for more updates on these chilly gators! And excuse me while I go wrap myself in as many blankets as I can find.

This Iconic Mom-To-Be Had Her Maternity Photo Shoot Done At Taco Bell & You May Consider It For Your Next Food Baby

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We’ve all seen those glamorous maternity photos hit Facebook alongside pregnancy announcements (and you either love them or hate them). Well one soon-to-be mom-of-two decided to take her photoshoot to a whole new level — by picking a truly inspirational location.

“I guess you could say that I wanted something a little different, something spicier - and that showed me in my natural state,” Kristin Johnston wrote on her blog, discussing her decision to stage her photos in front of a place close to her heart: Taco Bell.

And it definitely was as spicy—literally with some mild sauce—as you’d expect.

Kelly Daniels/Cosmic Creativ

Kelly Daniels/Cosmic Creativ

  Kelly Daniels/Cosmic Creativ

"I chose to do the shoot because, not only have I been a huge fan of Taco Bell for my whole life, but also because I have spent a good amount of time and money there during my pregnancies," Johnston told Romper via email. She said on her blog that she’d turn to Taco Bell whenever she had a craving or didn’t “have the energy to cook dinner.” (Relatable as hell.) 

The shoot was done at sunset, so there was the usual EOD traffic at the Atlanta chain. Onlookers gave a mix of reactions: odd looks, laughs, and thumbs ups.

Johnson’s “little Taco Bell baby,” Theodore “Teddy” Johnson, was born last Friday at 4:15 a.m. And we sincerely hope there will be a lot of tacos in Teddy’s future!

Header Image: Kelly Daniels/Cosmic Creativ

The 10 Best Sea Salt Sprays to Elevate Your Beachy Waves

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This article has been syndicated from Pineapple & Prosecco, an InfluenceHer Collective Member. Read the full post here.

It's a rare occasion that you'll see me with pin-straight hair. I first introduced waves into my hair routine in college, and have never really strayed from that routine since. My hair is naturally straight, so getting the perfect waves was a learning curve at first, but one that I've come to master over the years. Although I'm not a product junkie, one of my secret weapons for achieving that undone, tousled, just-off-the-beach look is a great sea salt spray. 

I'm so excited to be bringing on my amazing hairstylist and colorist, Mal (@hairbymaloriegreene), to offer her expert advice on all-things hair this year! Since this is the first time you're hearing from Mal, I figured a quick Q+A would help you get to know her. 

How long have you been coloring/styling?

I grew up with my family in the industry but started beauty school my junior year of high school.

Three hair brands you're loving right now?

  1. Schwarzkopf––I recently started using their BLONDEME line for my blondes and I am loving it!
  2. Kevin Murphy hair resort beach spray is my favorite sea salt spray.
  3. Fanola no-yellow shampoo for blondes to get rid of yellow or brassy tones in the hair. It is the best purple shampoo (I second that! Mal introduced me to this and I will never go back. You can buy it right on Amazon here.)

Favorite hair hack?

One hair hack I love is the double ponytail. It creates the illusion of having longer hair and gives you more volume as well. A dry shampoo with help to give more texture and separation to the style once you are done. Section the hair from ear to ear to create your first pony. Next, create a second pony underneath and use a few bobby pins to pull hair form the second pony up. This will help to blend the two ponytails together and keep them from looking like two separate ponytails. (This is genius! See the look here.)

According to Mal, the most important thing to look for in a sea salt spray is not necessarily the ingredients! Many brands will try and sell you based on what they're made of, but it's really about how it feels and interacts with your hair. 

Herbivore's Sea Mist is my current favorite! No stickiness or crunch, and this stuff smells absolutely amazing.  

Mal is a big fan of Kevin Murphy's Hair Resort Spray. It keeps your hair feeling fresh and weightless.  

Can't say enough good things about Oribe. Once again, they've hit the mark with their Beach Wave + Shine Spray.

Read the full post and Mal's interview here.

5 Productivity Tips for Entrepreneurs That Actually Work

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This article has been syndicated from Girl in Betsey, an InfluenceHer Collective Member. Read the full post here.

As a new (ish) entrepreneur, I’ve started to realize what works for me and I wanted to take the time to share this with you all. Being your own boss is great (and I am grateful for it every single day) but it takes a certain amount of motivation and tactics to stay on track. Here are my five proven productivity tips that have worked for me:

1. Make to-do lists

This may come as a no-brainer, but I don’t think people realize how important it is to write it down. I find I will have a task weighing on my mind for months and until I actually write it in my agenda, it doesn’t get completed. Every morning I wake up and I look at my to-do list (I will usually have written up a few tasks the night before). This helps me get clarity on what I need to get done for the day and which direction my day is going if I have events, appointments, etc.

2. Keep your space clean

This is a proven tactic, if you keep your space devoid of clutter, your mind actually feels more organized. I know this to be true back to my 9-5 days. When my desk was cluttered with papers, printable calendars and sticky notes a plenty, I felt like I couldn’t get it together.

3. Schedule it out

Learning to schedule at the beginning of the week or day has made the biggest difference. I no longer feel super stressed when I have to run out of the office because I know my content is set to go live when its supposed to. You can’t always be on the computer (despite what people think) so its nice to break up your day without having to worry if you’re being too silent on the social media side.

Read the full post here.

Blanca Blanco Defends Her Choice to Wear Red Instead of Black to the Golden Globes

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The 2018 Golden Globes was a platform for the #MeToo movement and Time's Up Initiative in support of sexual assault victims, and celebrity attendees wore black to make a statement in favor of the movement to show unity between women in film, television and theater with victims. Blanca Blanco, a Latin actress, decided to make her own statement by showing up in a red hot dress, leaving people to wonder if she was not in support of the movement.

Blanca took to Twitter saying "Red is passionate" to defend her choice, and she received a lot of backlash. Many accused her of disrespecting sexual assault victims and seeking personal publicity.

Blanca also defended her red carpet look in an interview with FOX News. "Wearing red does not mean I am against the movement. I applaud and stand by the courageous actresses that continue to break the cycle of abuse through their actions and fashion style choices," she said. "It is one of many factors leading women to a safer place because of their status. I am excited about the #TimesUp movement; true change is long overdue.”

While we'll leave this debate to Twitter, at least Blanca vaguely gained more publicity for the #MeToo movement and Time's Up Initiative, which is most important. You can learn more about the Time's Up Initiative here.

Why Kim Kardashian Is Throwing Out Her Oversize Sunnies After an Email from Kanye West

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Kim Kardashian West has historically set a lot of beauty and fashion trends, but we’re starting to think that her looks may be the work of an unexpected personal stylist: Kanye West. On a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim revealed that Kanye sent her an email to stop wearing her signature big sunglasses.

"He sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore,'" Kim said. "He sent me like, millions of nineties photos with tiny little glasses.” You can see a snippet of the episode in this clip from People.

If small-framed '90s glasses are going to be the new wave, we're here for it. But oversized sunnies have been a staple accessory in Kim's wardrobe like...forever. 

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

With Kanye being a successful music artist and fashion designer, it's definitely a no-brainer that he might have some input on Kim's wardrobe. We've previously seen Kanye provide style advice for Kim by cleaning out her closet on an episode of KUWTK, as well as influencing her street style as she models pieces from the Yeezy collection. But also, like, who does this guy think he is if he's telling a beautiful, stylish woman how to accessorize? 

 

YEEZY

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

We have a feeling that tiny sunglasses now may be the trend for spring and summer 2018. So, trash all of your giant sunnies and follow Kim on Instagram

What to Do When Your Well-Meaning Friends Say Body-Negative Things

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When someone thinks about body-negativity, they might think about bullies or petty girls saying nasty things in an effort to make themselves feel better. But what if it’s your friends doing the damage, and what if they don’t even know they’re doing it?

Weight, exercise and diet have become such staples in conversation among young women. It’s not necessarily bad to discuss your lifestyle with friends, but those conversations can quickly become harmful when they unintentionally trigger body-negative thoughts. Whether it’s a thinner friend complaining about feeling “fat” or someone complimenting your physique, all of this draws extra attention to body-image — a topic that already occupies far too much space in many young women’s minds. Deciding how to react can be tricky, since they didn’t mean any harm, but there are ways to try and deal with the situation without making your friends uncomfortable.

1. Change the subject 

“I have one friend who will often complain about needing to get in shape for some event or another, or make comments about how she's been slacking off about working out regularly or eating well. I know she doesn't mean it to be insulting, and obviously everyone has their own goals in terms of health, weight, etc., but it can be so discouraging to hear her complain and worry when she already looks great and has very healthy habits,” says Sarah*, a junior from Mizzou. “I've never confronted her super directly by saying that it makes me feel bad about myself or anything. Partly because I don't want to cause any conflict and partly because I don't want to draw too much attention to it.”

If you’re trying to avoid confrontation, slyly changing the subject is an easy way to get off of the topic. Maybe your friend is talking about how she hates that she had to buy a size eight when she’s normally a six. Instead of focusing on the size of the pants, keep the subject on clothing by mentioning that you like the raw hem, or that the jacket she also bought is really cute.

“Usually, I just try to say something supportive and change the subject,” Sarah says. If you have combative friends or are non-confrontational yourself, this method might be best to avoid making one comment into a big deal.

2. Refer them to an outside source

Rather than become that preachy friend telling people how to live their lives, you can subtly give them another resource to try and get the message across.

“I've read an awesome website that I always refer to when I have friends who tell me they struggle with body image,” says Michaela Bonner, a junior at Regent University. “It's called Beauty Redefined, and it completely takes the focus off how you look on the outside, and helps women focus on what their bodies can do, rather than how they look.”

Michaela Bonner says she refers to a website called Body Redefined when her friends are struggling with healthy discussion of body image. Beauty Redefined shares inspirational quotes, stories from high-profile people and general advice on how to rethink beauty. Just following their Instagram page can give your friend quick reminders to avoid body-negativity as they go about their day. “One of my favorite quotes from the website is ‘Your body is an instrument, not an ornament,'” Michaela says.

 

Beauty isn't the villain in the fight for positive body image. It only becomes the villain when we worship it as our highest achievement, define it in narrow and unattainable ways, and measure our worth (and others') according to whether or not we fit its ideals. Noticing or admiring someone else's beauty doesn't have to diminish you, deplete you, or make you feel worse about yourself. If it does, it's probably because you're comparing yourself and unconsciously feel that you're in competition with other women. *You're not.* Consciously take yourself out of the competition when feelings of self-comparison creep in. If it's images of women you don't know that are triggering your body comparisons and anxiety, especially through advertising and social media pages, consider unfollowing or taking a break from those images. They're generally *designed* to be idealized and spark your feelings of needing to do/be more in $-driven ways. Unfollowing doesn't mean you dislike those women, it's just a necessary act of self-care. Beauty exists, and it can be appreciated in others without dividing and conquering us as women. Remember that she might be beautiful, but she's also more than *just* beautiful. Don't define her by her looks. Move beyond surface comparisons by really connecting with her if possible. Rather than seeing other women as opponents in the never-ending, depressing fight for "most attractive," other women can be your greatest allies in learning to *see more* than bodies in ourselves and others, and then to *be more* by moving on to much more important things! #morethanabody #seemorebemore #beautyredefined

A post shared by Beauty Redefined ® (@beauty_redefined) on

3. Be honest

Sometimes honesty might actually be the best policy. If you’re really close to the friend who’s unintentionally contributing to your personal body-negativity, it’s probably best to just nip it in the bud.

“I think in those situations the best thing to do is express your feelings about those comments,” says Dajin Kim, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin. “I've definitely had some friends that would point things out about myself that I couldn't change under the pretense that they were just ‘helping’ me out but after I told them how I felt about it a real friend would understand and make the necessary changes.”

It doesn’t have to be a big thing. You can just simply say “Hey, can we talk about something else? This conversation is making me a little uncomfortable about my own body.” You don’t have to spill everything about your body image. Just say enough so they get the picture.

4. Take a little time off from that friend

If you’ve tried different tactics and your friend continues to unintentionally cause you to feel bad about your body, maybe you should just take some time off from that friend. It can be hard to change people’s ways, so maybe just hanging out with some other people can give you some much needed space. If your friend is otherwise a good person, you probably don’t want to cut them off, but it’s important to reflect on whether the friendship is overall healthy for you.

5. Focus on yourself


The best way to become resilient to the body negativity that unfortunately pervades society is to shift your personal perspective on body image and beauty. You might have a hard time changing other people, but you can change yourself. Realizing your worth will make it easier for you to brush off those kinds of comments. Ideally, your friends will be self-aware of what they say, but you can only do so much to influence them. 

Navigating sensitive topics in friendships can be tough. You don’t want to be a nagging friend, but it’s important that the people you surround yourself with aren’t contributing to or creating body image issues for you, even if they mean well or don’t intend to hurt you. You don’t want to dictate what your friends say, but you can control how you react to comments. When dealing with different conversations and friends, try and make a conscious decision to deal with the situation so that you can move forward better friends and a better you. 

*Names have been changed.


This Is the Reason Kylie Jenner Has Kept Her Reported Pregnancy So Quiet

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Yes, there's a baby bump but why won't you catch us up, Kylie?

An insider from Us Weekly informs us of Kylie's only wish, "She’s very happy about the pregnancy but she doesn't want to share this with the world," the source says. "Her not being out is strictly personal preference. She wants to keep this one aspect of her life private."

We thought this would be a new year, new Kylie. We respect your privacy, Kylie, but at the same time we still have questions to be answered! Is this even for real? How far along are you? Do you know the gender? Whyyyyy won't you tell us?!

Kylie's proposed pregnancy has only led her to gaining more Instagram followers, as she announced on Twitter last month:

Is this delicately fabricated pregnancy rumor all for more fame, likes, follows, comments, etc.? Or should I be taking your (unspoken) word as gospel, Kylie?

A devil's advocate would ask, maybe her intentions are for the hopes of leading a gossip-less, happy life for her soon-to-be newborn? Or, maybe she is once and for all tired of the constant attention she receives on a daily basis? Unlike any of the other Kardashian children, Kylie's baby might live a normal life because its mere existence is ambiguous to her followers in the "real" world.

 

Red Velvet Holiday Lip Kit is officially available on KylieCosmetics.com 💋

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

On another note, Kylie's distracting us from our baby concerns by slaying her entrepreneurship goals with Kylie Cosmetics. Her most recent posts on social media place her company in the spotlight, purposely neglecting any news regarding her potential baby. The Us Weekly insider supports Kylie's efforts of keeping her baby's news to herself saying, "She's worked hard enough to do whatever she wants."

Related: The Kardashians May Finally Announce Kylie's Pregnancy in an Upcoming 'KUWTK' Episode

The craziest part about Keeping Up with the Kardashians is that Kylie isn't alone in her pregnancy journey. Kim's surrogate and Khole's baby are also on-the-way. Did the Kardashian sisters plan this? If so, it's a masterpiece. 

All I have to say is as long as Kylie keeps her mouth shut about her baby, I guess I'll keep quiet about my food baby, too.

Yes, Trump Seriously Just Referred to Haiti & Africa as 'Shithole Countries'

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In things that we can't believe actually happened in real life, President Trump reportedly referred to multiple African countries and Haiti as "shithole countries" in a meeting about immigration with several members of Congress on Thursday, the Washington Post reports.

According to multiple members of Congress present for the meeting, which included Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and Richard Durbin of Illinois, Trump made the comment when discussion turned to the possibility of restoring protections for immigrants from from Haiti, El Salvador and African countries as part of a bipartisan immigration deal. 

"Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?" the president reportedly (yes, seriously) said before saying that the United States should instead admit immigrants from places like Norway. 

As happens all too often nowadays, the White House later released a statement on Thursday to defend Trump's racist, ignorant comment — though no attempt was made to actually deny it.

"Certain Washington politicians choose to fight for foreign countries, but President Trump will always fight for the American people," Raj Shah, the White House deputy press secretary said/ "Like other nations that have merit-based immigration, President Trump is fighting for permanent solutions that make our country stronger by welcoming those who can contribute to our society, grow our economy and assimilate into our great nation."

As you'll probably remember, this is far from the first time the president has made comments like this. As the New York Times reported earlier this year, he's also referred to Haitians as "all having AIDS," and said Nigerians would never "go back to their huts," once they'd come to the US. Lovely.

Meanwhile, multiple members of Congress have demanded an apology from the president (though considering the fact that the White House has already defended his ignorance, we won't be holding our breath).

New year, same POTUS I guess.

Multiple Female Lawmakers Will Be Wearing Black to Trump's State of the Union Address & We're So Here for It

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Following suit with many of the actresses and celebrities (and activists!) that attended last weekend's Golden Globes, multiple female lawmakers in the House of Representatives and Senate have plans to wear black to President Trump's State of the Union address on January 30.

Democratic Rep. Jackie Speier confirmed to USA Today on Thursday that an effort had been proposed for Democratic female lawmakers to dress in all-black to the State of the Union address to protest sexual misconduct and "send a strong message" to the president, who has been accused of sexual harassment and assault by over a dozen women.

"I hope we see men and women across the House floor wearing black and embracing the concept that we do not tolerate sexual harassment," Speier told USA Today. "Whether you're in Hollywood or in politics, we will show sexual harassment will not be tolerated."

Speier is also one of several congresswomen who plans to take the demonstration a step further by bringing an activist as a plus-one to the speech — as the Huffington Post reports, she's invited #MeToo creator Tarana Burke, and other members will be bringing advocates and survivors of sexual assault as their guests. While several Democratic women apparently floated the idea of inviting several of the president's accusers, that reportedly (unfortunately) won't be happening. Members of the Congressional Black Congress also have plans to wear red pins to honor Recy Taylor, a black Alabama woman who was raped by six white men who were never indicted.

Hopefully, as many women (and men!) will make the decision to stand with sexual misconduct victims by wearing black to the State of the Union address as they did at the Golden Globes. Because if the last few months have made one thing clear, it's the fact that sexual misconduct affects women in every industry, in all parts of the country — and it's time for it to stop.

How to Keep Yourself from Going Back to an Old Relationship When You’re Home for Break

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New Girl called it the “backslide” when Jess and Nick went back to their exes. “How I Met Your Mother” coined the phrase “revertigo.” Gossip Girl just blamed fate and hormones for the on and off again Chuck and Blair relationship rollercoaster.

Whatever term or excuse you prefer, there is undoubtedly some sort of phenomena that makes us return to old relationships and habits when we really should just move on. And this tendency to revert back to old ways seems maximized when we go home for the holidays. Maybe that means getting drunk with high school friends and reminiscing on the past, or maybe it means something more damaging, like returning to an old relationship that has been played out time and time again.

For some, there’s always that one person we keep returning to when we’re back to our old home address, whether it’s for the summer, Thanksgiving, or winter break. And no matter how many months you’ve been away at college, even if you haven’t thought about them all semester, once you’re back in the old zip code you’re just the same high schooler hung up on a guy. So how do you avoid this back-home backslide? How do you honor the months of progress you have made while away? And why are you tempted to backslide in the first place?

Why do we backslide in the first place? 

Let’s get to the root of the problem. Why do we backslide in the first place? According to professional matchmaker Marla Martenson, there are two major factors at play that make us return to old relationships. First is a self-esteem issue. We all want to be wanted, and past relationships remind us of what that was like. Second is humans do not particularly like change.

Related: 9 Times When Being Single is the Best

“We get used to someone, as well as attached, and it is challenging to let go, even when the situation is not ideal,” explains Martenson.

Author and blogger Stephanie May Wilson agrees that fear of the unknown can influence our decision to backslide into a past relationship because it seems like a comfortable, familiar, and fast way to stop being alone.

“I think we all share two really common fears as humans,” explains Wilson. “We fear being alone and we fear the unknown. Old relationships, even if they were hard, painful, or even destructive ones, feel like a way around both of these fears.”

Old relationships can become like security blankets. They feel safe and comfortable, sure, but they also can prevent growth. We talk and reason ourselves back into these relationships even when we know they are not right for us because we are afraid of change, we are afraid of the unknown, and we think that maybe this time, things will be different.

“We reason that even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, at least we know what to expect, at least we have a relationship,” says Wilson. “But of course, this is a destructive pattern that can keep us trapped in bad relationships for years.”

That might explain why we keep going back to that freshman year hook up when we’re bored or why our best friend is back “on again” with her on-again-off-again boyfriend, but what about being home for the holidays? Why is backsliding so much more tempting when we’re away from school and back in our hometowns?

Blame it on the nostalgia

It does not help that we are surrounded by places and people that remind us of who we used to be, and by extension, who we used to be with. Sometimes nostalgia takes over and makes us think things were really better than they were. Constant reminders and nostalgia make for a killer reminiscing combination.

“Going back home, to the place where your whole relationship existed, is like visiting a museum of your relationship,” says Wilson. “It brings back all of your old memories, and usually only the good ones, which of course sparks that thought, ‘Maybe I should call him. Maybe there’s still something there.’”

Not to mention, if you and your ex went to different colleges, just being back in close proximity location wise means higher probability of running into them at the grocery store, while Christmas shopping, or at a bar with your friends. The “out of sight out of mind” philosophy suddenly doesn’t work as well.

Is backsliding really that bad? 

So why is backsliding a bad thing? If it’s just a short-term hookup while you’re home, is it really that big of a deal?

The first thing to keep in mind is that when relationships end, it is for a reason. Maybe those reasons have changed or gone away in the time that has past, but before you think of texting him to meet up, remind yourself why you broke up in the first place.

“Your relationship ended because one of you, and probably both of you, weren’t getting what you needed out of the relationship. Or maybe it was timing, or circumstances, or your season of life, or fundamental incompatibility,” says Wilson. “Whatever the reason, your relationship ended because it wasn’t working.”

At this point, you might try to justify it to yourself by saying you have changed, or they have changed, or the circumstances are different now. Maybe your ex is even telling you himself that he has changed or will change. But in many cases, “change” is easier said than done.

“People are totally capable of changing, and maybe there will be a day when both of you will have changed into the kind of people who are just perfect for each other, but that kind of change takes a long time,” explains Wilson. “If someone tells you, ‘I’ve changed,’ or ‘I will change’ or if you’re thinking they might have changed, it’s best to really give it some time and space until you’re sure… When a relationship fails, we need to wait until we see real, consistent evidence of change before we think about diving back in.”

Remember why things ended in the first place

Your relationship ended for a reason, and more than likely that reason did not just disappear in a matter of months.  Not only is returning to old relationships potentially harmful emotionally and mentally, but it can also prevent you from moving on and finding a relationship that is genuinely good. You deserve a relationship that makes your life better and happier, not more dramatic. There comes a point when an old relationship is too worn out or broken to keep trying, but if we keep going back to a broken relationship, we won’t be able to build new ones.

“There have been years of my life when I’ve been holding out hope for someone, going back again and again because it’s comfortable or because I’m hoping something has changed,” says Wilson. “But those relationships never ever panned out, things never did change. And because I was so consumed with the past, my heart was totally unavailable for my present or my future.”

Focusing too much on the past detracts from your potential happiness in the future and just causes emotional distress in the present. Additionally, revisiting an old, comfortable relationship can make going back to school even more difficult, especially if you have been struggling with homesickness already. You won’t be able to feel at home at college if there are mixed emotions and uncertain relationships keeping you tangled up back in your hometown.

Honor the progress you've made

Meg, a sophomore at the University of Kansas, emphasizes the growth you experience during college. Reverting back to an old relationship can ruin a lot of that personal progress.

“College brings a lot of growth and change to your life,” Meg says. “If you’ve grown out of a relationship, you won’t be happy trying to mold back into the person you were when you left by getting back into a past relationship.”

But even if you know you need to move on and you have no intention of backsliding, how can you prevent a slip-up?

Prevent the backslide with reality checks and barriers

Martenson recommends putting your thoughts to paper and journaling about your feelings about the person and relationship. Include the highs, the lows, what made it great, what made it unbearable, and the mediocre in-between. Making a list about why the relationship was not right and how it made you feel will give you a more unbiased perspective on the situation. You can really think and process through the reasons it ended.

“Seeing it in black and white really helps seal it into your brain and keeps it at the forefront,” explains Martenson. “Write down what kind of relationship you would like to be in and why. Does this person fit that description? Remember, you broke up for a reason, trust your gut and intuition.”

Related: 4 Ways to Handle an Unexpected Text from an Ex

In addition, you can set up precautionary boundaries, because even if you think a backslide is unlikely now, you might think differently after a few days bored at home, or after a drink or two.

“Loneliness and a desire for comfort will cause us to do all kinds of things,” says Wilson. “Either way, thinking through it in advance keeps us from making poor decisions when the moment presents itself.”

Take measures to avoid it now, and maybe even enlist some help. Deleting their number might seem extreme, but it will definitely prevent you from texting them. It might also be helpful to go on a social media cleanse and take a break from Snapchat or Instagram for a few days. Not only will this keep you from internet stalking your ex, but it will also help you live in the moment during the holiday season with your friends and family. You can also ask your back home besties, your sister, or even your mom to hold you accountable.

Moving on, moving forward

As tempting as reverting back to an old relationship can be, especially when you’re home for the holidays, it’s important to keep things in perspective. This might include some reflection on your part if you really want to avoid your ex – remember the relationship for what it was, not what you miss right now. Think about how much you have grown and changed as a person in the months or years since the relationship has ended, and honor that progress.

“Remember the growth and change you’ve experienced,” says Meg. “Do what your future self would thank you for doing.”

The sooner you commit to moving on, the sooner you can focus on all the other great aspects of being home for the holidays. Shopping with your friends, watching movies with your siblings, and celebrating holiday traditions with your family are a far better use of your time and energy than thinking about your ex and the drama that inevitably follows a backslide.

“If you ever want to be in a relationship that’s better than this one, if you ever want to find the person who is right for you, you have to start letting go of the person who wasn’t,” advises Wilson. “And that starts by saying, “No, thanks!” when they invite you for drinks over Christmas break.”

HC Wake-Up Call: House May Ban Members From Using Taxpayer Money to Settle Sexual Misconduct Cases, Facebook Is Making Major News Feed Changes & 2 New Dog Breeds

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Good morning Her Campus! With a break-neck news cycle, there is no possible way for you to stay on top of every story that comes across your feeds—we’re all only human, after all.

But, life comes at you fast. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in for this quick and dirty guide to stories you might’ve been sleeping on (like, literally. It’s early.)

The House May Vote to Ban Members From Using Taxpayer Money to Settle Cases of Sexual Misconduct

The House of Representatives has reportedly come close to reaching a bipartisan deal on legislation that would stop members from using taxpayer money to settle cases of sexual misconduct, BuzzFeed News reports. The legislation follows the release of financial data last month that revealed that over $150,000 in taxpayer money had been used between 2008 and 2012 toward settlements in cases of workplace misconduct. The bill will likely be voted on as early as next Thursday or Friday, and it is expected to have enough support to pass.

Facebook Is About to Make Some Major Changes to Your News Feed

Facebook announced on Thursday that it would be updating users' news feeds to prioritize what their friends and family were sharing and commenting on over content from companies, brands and publishers. According to the company, the changes come as the result of a study done by the company, which found that "passive content" such as news and viral videos, are often harmful or stressful to users. (Fake news, anyone?) And let's be honest, we'd all much rather see more photos of our bestie's dog than an article about whatever mess Trump tweeted on any given day.

The American Kennel Club Has Officially Recognized 2 New Breeds

It's an amazing day because the American Kennel Club has officially blessed us with not one, but TWO new officially-recognized dog breeds — and spoiler: as you'd expect, they're both ADORABLE. One is the Netherlandse Kooikerhondje (good luck with that pronunciation) and the other is the Grand Basset Griffon Vendéen. Both are v good boys and girls, obvi.

What to look out for...

In case you're short on weekend plans, this Sunday, Jan. 14 is national Dress Up Your Pet Day, so do with that what you will. (And by that, we mean get your dog dressed up super cute and post plenty of photos to Facebook and Insta, please and thanks.)

Taylor Swift's 'End Game' Video Is Here and It's Full of References to Joe Alwyn & Her Cats

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Did you hear that? The sound of Twitter blowing up? If you didn't, I’m not sure how because Taylor Swift has officially dropped her video for her single “End Game” featuring Ed Sheeran and Future!

Fans have been anxiously awaiting the video for the smash single. They have also been at the ready to go over every single frame and figure out Swift’s now-famous hidden meanings within each new video. So, what’s hiding in this one? Let’s look.

The video, still leaning on her new “edgier” style, is shot across the globe in Miami, Tokyo and London. It’s got quite a cinematic feel to it and is less “hanging out with the girls” and more “let me show you how I’m living now” which is an interesting shift. There are fast cars, yachts, shots in a bar, champagne flutes in a hotel room. So, where are the Easter eggs amid all of the caviar dreams?

First and foremost, her signature number 13 can be seen on the back of the flashy car she drives around in with Future. And that video game she’s playing in the hotel room? Snake, which is a clear nod to the Kimye feud aftermath that has slithered its way through most of this new album.

Is there a nod to her new beau, Joe Alwyn, who the song is presumably written about? Of course! If you look closely enough, as major Swift stans have, you'll see that she can be seen sporting a “J” necklace in the scene where she’s blowing bubbles. It's also probably no coincidence that, after traveling to multiple cities in the video, Swift ends it in London — which is where her beau lives.

Fans also assume that her jacket with the number 58 is a sweet nod to the year her mother, who turns 60 this year, was born.

And there’s even a shout out to her feline friends in the Tokyo scene! If you look closely enough (and you understand Japanese of course), the names Meredith and Olivia are written in Japanese characters on the buildings!

For Swift, this was a rather tame video that shows her simply having a good time around the world. Is this the tamest one we can anticipate from her? We’ll just have to wait and see!

Only Chrissy Teigen Would Get Herself into a Twitter Feud With a Robot

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Chrissy Teigen, the queen of all social media, has found herself in yet another Twitter feud. But instead of the target of her shady comments being a reality show star, politician or random troll from the dark world of the Internet, she's found herself in an Internet sparring match with a robot. Yes, you read that correctly: a robot.

Hanson Robotics released their most advanced robot with the name Sophia and, in order to blend in with society, was immediately set up with a Twitter account under the name @RealSophiaRobot. It’s like the sci-fi future we all assumed we’d be in by now!

Teigen obviously jumped at the chance to hilariously troll Sophia on Twitter and admitted that maybe her makeup wasn't the best.

It may have taken her a quick second, but Sophia responded this week by telling Teigen they would both be attending a large tech show in Las Vegas, CES, and that they should meet up so she could get some makeup tips.

Cue Chrissy freaking out and immediately thinking that this is too much artificial intelligence for her! "Sophia the robot knows I shaded her makeup. She comprehends shade. How am I supposed to sleep," she tweeted. I’m definitely with her on this one!

The two agreed to meet up, in public where there are a ton of people — and not in any dark corner and *certainly* not in Teigen’s home. Is this the beginning of a new friendship or a dark and twisting special we’ll all be glued to our screens watching?

Knowing Chrissy Teigen, we’re all along for this wild ride!


James Franco Skipped Out on the Critic's Choice Awards Following Multiple Sexual Misconduct Allegations

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After taking home a Golden Globes Award on Sunday, and claiming the title of Best Actor in a Comedy at the Critics' Choice Awards on Thursday, James Franco should be celebrating, but he's hiding instead. While his most recent projects, including The Disaster Artist and HBO series The Deuce, are taking over awards season, Franco's career success is met with several allegations of sexual misconduct. According to Entertainment Weekly, the actor was absent to accept his Critics' Choice Award on Thursday evening, and the timing is just all too coincidental. 

Early Thursday morning, The Los Angeles Times published an extensive exposé that detailed the stories of five women accusing Franco of sexually inappropriate or exploitative behavior. The actor wore a pin in support of the Time's Up Movement at the Golden Globes, which sparked anger among several actresses who have worked with Franco in the past. Some former students came forward to share their unpleasant experiences with The Times, forcing the actor straight into the hot seat. 

“The power dynamic was really off," student filmmaker Violet Paley told the publication. "I was talking to him, all of a sudden his penis was out. I got really nervous, and I said, 'Can we do this later?' He was kind of nudging my head down, and I just didn’t want him to hate me, so I did it."

Other women accused Franco of becoming angry when actresses refused to take their tops off, encouraging students to perform sexual acts for certain acting roles, and even removing plastic coverings during a stimulation of oral sex. In a following interview with TIME, Paley expressed her interest in an apology from her former mentor.

"I wish he had originally replied to my email and met with me and just listened. I wish he made a promise to change," she said. “When the allegations against Louis C.K. came out — and they were disgusting — he acknowledged what he did. It would give me some comfort if he were to say, 'What happened was true and I’m sorry.'"

Franco and his lawyer have denied the allegations. As the actor told Stephen Colbert on The Late Show, "The way I live my life, I can’t live if there’s restitution to be made. I will make it. So if I’ve done something wrong, I will fix it. I have to."

Franco continued his defense, "The things that I heard that were on Twitter are not accurate, but I completely support people coming out and being able to have a voice because they didn’t have a voice for so long. So, I don’t want to shut them down in any way. It’s a good thing and I support it." 

Co-creator of The Deuce, David Simon, also released a statement in defense of Franco, saying, "Personally I can only speak knowledgeably to The Deuce. I’ve checked with all my fellow producers and other personnel. We have no complainant or complaint or any awareness of any incident of concern involving Mr. Franco. Nor has HBO been approached with any complaint. In our experience, he was entirely professional as an actor, director, and producer.”

Though Franco has not officially commented on his absence, we can only assume that he was too preoccupied in the hot seat to claim one at the Critics' Choice Awards.

Nancy Pelosi Calls Out The 'Five White Guys' Making Immigration Decisions

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Nancy Pelosi isn’t taking sh*t from anyone this week and she’s calling out Trump’s chief of staff for their lack of diversity as they negotiate a deal on the DACA program. CNN reports she said “The five white guys, I call them.”

The “five white guys” being White House chief of staff John Kelly, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer, Senate Majority Whip John Cornyn, and Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin.

According to Townhall, in regards to the negotiations on DACA, Pelosi stated “That could have been done months ago. The very idea that this week they’re saying, ‘oh lets get four white guys and Gen. Kelly to come and do this…You have to understand, in our caucus we are blessed with great diversity.”

Hoyer, who respectably has gone head to head with Trump on DACA and is fighting for it, found this to be particularly offensive saying, “The comment is offensive. I am committed to ensuring DREAMers are protected and I will welcome everyone to the table who wants to get this done.”

Drew Brandewie, Cornyn’s spokesman gave a statement as well: “What a bizarre and disappointing attack on one of her own colleagues. Sen. Cornyn looks forward to working with Whip Hoyer to find a bipartisan solution”

Can we LOL for a moment? The white men are offended and feel attacked? By a little comment that’s just true? How about the people in the DACA program, fighting for the lives they’ve built here. LOL, try to put away some of that white ignorance and white privilege, boys.

Diverse voices are ready and available. Give the mic to the marginalized please!

Kim Kardashian Is Making Millie Bobby Brown's Dream of Having Kourtney 'Shake Her Salad' Come True & LOL

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Everybody has a bucket list, even Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown. According to PEOPLE, the little actress is about to cross something off that list, all thanks to none other than the Kardashian fam, because what can't they do?

On Thursday, Brown tweeted to her over 1.7 million followers to share a dream of hers, one only a Kardashian could make come true. She wrote, "honestly, all i want is for Kourtney K to shake my salad," referencing those infamous salads from Health Nut in Calabasas that the sisters can always be seen munching on the show.

Apparently Brown's public fan-girling paid off, because Kim Kardashian was quick to respond. And it's safe to say that Millie's day has been MADE!

Why was Kourt chosen to do the shaking honors? That has yet to be determined, but the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star is all for it. After sister Kim's response, Kourt let the world know via Instagram story that she'd shake Millie's salad, "anytime." 

Kourtney Kardashian: making dreams come true one health food at a time.

Michelle Obama Gave A First Peek At The Obama Presidential Center & I’m Only Crying a Little

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Michelle and Barack Obama were the mom and dad the United States needed. They loved us, we loved them and some major changes came from their time in the White House. Needless to say, they left a huge mark on our hearts and on our country’s history — which is why the Obama Presidential Center is so momentous.

Michelle gave us a sneak peak on Instagram detailing some of the things that will be at the center and why it was important to have it in the south side of Chicago.

 

This is so heartfelt and genuine. Including things like a garden similar to the one at the white house and making it accessible to everyone is totally something the Obama’s would do, in addition to putting it in a place so close to their hearts.

 

As soon as it opens, we’re planning our visit!

'The Greatest Showman's' Sam Humphrey Talks Using Acting to Overcome Skeletal Dysplasia & Having Hugh Jackman as His Mentor

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If you've seen the Golden Globe-winning The Greatest Showman any time since its release a month ago (and subsequently belted out the entire soundtrack in your car on the way home), the name Sam Humphrey may ring a bell — and if not, it's a name you're going to want to know.

The 23-year-old Australian actor plays Charles Stratton, a.k.a. Tom Thumb, in the musical about the life of P.T. Barnum alongside Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron and Zendaya — but at just over four feet tall, he had to overcome a lot to get there. Born with a rare genetic condition called skeletal dysplasia, Humphrey isn't about to let his disability get in the way of his acting career.

"Being diagnosed with skeletal dysplasia means that I’m very short, and also along with that came a lot of health issues," Humphrey tells Her Campus. "When I was about 13 years old, coming into high school, that was when a lot of my challenges came. I suffered with very low self-esteem — I had no confidence at that point."

But as it would turn out, Humphrey found a way to use acting to overcome his struggles with confidence and self-esteem. "I suppose I sort of developed those acting skills throughout high school because I always put on a front," he continues. "I didn't want people to see the real me and how much I was hurting and how depressed I really was."

Considering the ways in which fans have praised The Greatest Showman for its messages of self-acceptance and being totally and unapologetically yourself (listen to "This Is Me," just once to know what we're talking about), Sam's attitude basically made him a perfect fit for the movie — even though he says he didn't realize the personal connection he had to the film's story until a few weeks into filming.

His character, who is asked to by Barnum (played by Hugh Jackman) to join his show due to his short height, initially responds by asking, "What, do you want people to laugh at me?" to which Barnum responds, "They're already laughing, why not make some money off it?" Later, when protests erupt outside Barnum's show, he tells performers, which also include a bearded woman, played by Broadway alumn Keala Settle, and Siamese twins, "Don't listen to them. They don't understand it. But they will."

"I sort of realized that I had a lot of the same experiences as the character I play. Not feeling like he was worth anything, not feeling that he had anything to offer the world. I think that’s true with a lot of the characters in this film," he says. "So one of the most important messages that I think The Greatest Showman tries to send is that everyone is unique and everyone is the way that they are. The song of 'This Is Me,' which is the anthem of The Greatest Showman, is exactly that. You know, you are who you are and it doesn't matter the way you look, the way you sound, the color of your skin."

Oh, and in case the role wasn't already enough of a dream-come-true for the actor, he also now calls Hugh Jackman (a childhood role model who he says originally inspired him to act), a mentor — NBD or anything. According to Humphrey, he was having trouble getting into character and calming his nerves on the first day of shooting (I mean, who wouldn't?) when Hugh took him aside and reminded him why he was there.

"He [Hugh] basically put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Don’t worry about anything else, don’t worry about your character,’ and he basically went into this speech where he was like, ‘Sam, you are unique, you are special. Out of thousands of people that auditioned for this role, you got cast. They chose you, you came from Melbourne, you’re here in New York, you’re on the set,'" Humphrey says of Jackman. "He just kept repeating that to me over and over. Eventually, it broke me down and I started crying."

This was only the start of their close friendship, as even though filming has wrapped, Hugh acts as Sam's mentor, often offering acting and career advice. "For me, I feel like he’s my acting dad," Humphrey says.

So what advice does Humphrey have for anyone else struggling with a disability looking to get to where he is today?

"No matter what you’re facing, persistence is key," Humphrey says. "You might be facing mental and emotional challenges, which I went through, but if you stick at it, you can overcome those challenges. Keep pushing yourself and keep challenging yourself. Get those mentors around you that will constantly be able to support you."

Catch Sam Humphrey in the sing-along version of The Greatest Showman, which hits theaters today, Jan. 12.

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