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7 Signs You Should Just Make the First Move Already, As Told by Moms

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Having a crush in college is confusing. It’s not as straightforward as it was when we were little kids, where we could pass a love note stating we are madly in love with them, start dating and share our lunch and hold hands with our partner for a week. (Can we go back to that please?) A lot of us have no idea how to even make the first move anymore, but more significantly, we don’t know if we should at all. Where do we go when we need advice? How do we solve this dilemma of whether or not we should just ask out that hottie already?

Lucky for you, we’ve gotten seven Her Campus moms to share their advice and stories to help you feel secure enough to make the first move, because mothers always know best. They’ll tell you the exact signs that it’s time for you to bend down on one knee and propose for a coffee date. Let’s turn to our moms and see what they have to say.

1. They’ve been sending very clear signals that they’re into you

As much as people try to play it cool, having a crush can make your behavior completely neurotic. We do stupid things around the people we like, from trying to impress them to openly staring at them and ogling whenever they speak, and our moms have been watching us play this game for years. If the two of you have been ridiculously flirting and sending romantic signals for a while, it’s probably time for you to make the first move.

“Here’s what I want to say to all these college honeys out there: beautiful things, you know if a boy likes you or not,” advises mom Angie Galleno, who has put one daughter and two sons through college. “Women have some strong intuition, and men lack subtlety. If he reciprocates your feelings, he’s going to show it, and in that you can find comfort with making the first move.”

Some signals that they may like you are physical touch, use of affectionate words, playfulness both verbally and physically, giving of gifts or spending a lot of time together–and those are just the really obvious ones! Romantic signals are unique to each person, and hopefully you know them well enough by now to tell that they’re interested. It can be frustrating that they haven’t made the first move yet, but HC and the moms of the world have the confidence that you’re going to rock this one.

2. They haven’t shown interest in anybody else

While we may get fed up with waiting and feel that it’s time for us to ask them out, we still want some reassurance they actually do like us and not someone else. It’s important to make sure that we haven’t misinterpreted their feelings, and after being clear about that we can give it a go.

“If a person likes you, they would be an idiot to start pursuing someone else!” says mom Lisa Hunt–and isn’t she right! “My daughter, Heather, goes to California State University, Fullerton, and we have a pretty close relationship,” Lisa continues. “She’s good about calling me and informing me about her love life, and lately she’s liked this girl, but isn’t sure if she likes her back or likes someone else. In my mind this is a no brainer! I would go for someone who very clearly likes me and isn’t flaky about who they have feelings for.”

Basically, you can take solace in the fact that your crush likes you and only you. It’s promising if they aren’t flirting with a bunch of other people. If they haven’t shown interest in anybody else, you can have confidence that they are only interested in you. So what are you waiting for? Go ask them out already!

Related: The Ultimate Pep Talk for Talking to Your Crush

3. Other people have noted that they probably have feelings for you

Remember back in elementary school when liking someone was school-wide gossip that everybody got to participate in? Your friends helped you put love notes in your crush’s pencil box and organized games of playing house so that you two could always be the mom and the dad. Well, adult versions of liking someone can be like that too. It may not be as obvious or silly, but if your crush likes you, people are pretty likely to notice it and talk about it.

“I meet a lot of my daughter’s friends whenever I go visit her at school, and I can always pick out which of the boys like her,” says mom Gail Escandon, who has a daughter attending Cal Poly State University, San Luis Obispo. “When I tell her who likes her, it’s just some affirmation that other people besides her can confirm that some guy she has feelings for probably has feelings for her too, and that she can go ahead and ask him out for coffee. Usually her friends have noticed it too and we always have a blast teasing her about it.”

While a mom may be more keen on noticing subtle romantic feelings, friends always notice them too! If you’ve ever received a comment like, “Is something going on between you and so-and-so?” or “Have you seen the way that they look at you? Do they like you?” then you can definitely confirm that you’re not imagining their feelings, but that the mutual affection is very real. If friends and moms can confirm that it looks like something is going on, feel secure enough to make the first move, and expect a “yes!” in return.

4. They actively try to spend time with you

Time is a precious thing in college. The balancing act of class, homework, personal time and friends is stressful, so if your crush is actively setting aside time to spend with you, it might be a hint that you should make the first move because they’ve already made one by being present in your life.

“Quality time is probably the most important love language,” says mom Lynn Donovan, who has a daughter at Biola University. “If you have a boy who’s scheduling their time around you, he’s a keeper.”

Nobody appreciates quality time like moms, so let’s follow their lead on this. Putting effort in is a stunning quality to look for in a partner, so it’s a plus if they already do that before you’re even dating!

5. They haven’t tried to hook up with you

Hookup culture is everywhere in college, and it’s confusing whether a hookup counts as a first move or not. Let’s just assume that it doesn’t and differentiate between hookup-type relationships and the typical going-on-dates and holding hands relationships. The difference is that one has more to do with a sexual connection and the other is more emotional. If your crush hasn’t tried to hook up with you, it’s a sign that they are interested in making a kind of connection that can only come with dating.

“If the person you like is using you physically, I would think that that’s what they would prefer over a relationship with you,” advises the mother of two collegiette daughters, Tiffany Verdugo. “If that’s what you would like too, by all means, but I would certainly want my daughter to have a meaningful relationship with a partner. Ask out the person that is clearly interested in you, but that has respected your body and boundaries enough to prefer a conversation with your heart rather than jumping into sex. Those types of people are going to say yes when you try to have a legitimate date with them.”

These words are such a brilliant reminder that it might be time to steer away from our millennial views on relationships and turn back toward the system that our moms grew up with, which is first going on a date and forming a connection, and worrying about sex second. Definitely make the first move if your potential partner has consistently made an effort to get to know you for who you are, your lady parts excused. If you're just looking for a hookup, that's fine too! Just make sure you know what you want.

Related: 7 Things You Should Be Able to Tell Your Hookup Buddy

6. The two of you can actually talk

Finding people that we can truly connect with–especially in a college with thousands of students–can be a challenge. It’s even harder when you’re trying to forge a connection with the person you want to date, because you’re probably so tongue-tied around them real words won’t even come out of your mouth. Needless to say, a level of comfortability and having an easy friendship with them should be a big reassurance when considering whether or not to make the first move.

“I had dated a lot of men in college before I met my husband,” reminisces mom Amy Ham, who has raised four children, three of who have been married in the last year, all having met their spouses in college (she’s very proud of this). “The thing that set him apart was that we were friends first, and that we had incredible conversations with one another. He was painfully shy, but was always good at talking to me, and our communication is part of what made us start dating in the first place, because it just felt different than with other people. We were comfortable, and we could talk about everything, and that meant our relationship would never be boring.”

We love hearing the stories about what made our Her Campus moms start dating their husbands! They probably know best on this point, and if it’s easy for your crush to have great conversations with you, then asking them out and talking about taking your relationship to the next level should be a piece of cake!

7. Out of the two of you, you are consistently the braver one

The final hint that it’s time for you to make the first move is if you get the feeling they never will. This doesn’t mean they don’t like you, but some people are inherently incapable of asking another person out for various reasons. If you are consistently more outgoing and honest about your feelings than they are, it’s up to you to be the initiator.

“Here’s a rude awakening: men fear rejection more than women do,” says mom Gaynell Gallagher, who has two daughters attending the University of Colorado Boulder. “I remember this one man I dated in my early 20s. He was timid and wrapped up in his shell tight like a little peanut, and I needed to crack him open. I knew he was never going to initiate anything, so I swallowed my fear of rejection and asked him out instead. I always tell my daughters the same thing, which is that they can’t wait around for something to happen. If they want something they have to make it happen–especially when dealing with the male species.”

Don’t stress too much about asking them out. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but just make sure that you clearly present your feelings and what you’re looking for. By now you’re probably pretty sure that they like you anyways, so you should be confident about receiving a positive answer in return.

With reassurance from our moms, we hope all you ladies will feel confident about making the first move. Let’s face it, this has been coming for a while now, and this advice was the last thing we needed to make us brave and push us forward. Moms make us stronger, better versions of ourselves, and they have raised us to find the happiness we deserve. That being considered, go forth collegiettes, and conquer!


It’s Official, Katy Perry Wants to be a Kardashian

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Throughout her rise to fame, Katy Perry has had a variety of different hairstyles. From multicolored hair to her most recent pixie cut, there really isn’t anything that she CAN’T pull off. And that includes a spot-on impersonation of Kim Kardashian. 

in a recent Instagram post, Perry rocks a bleached blonde french braid look, similar to a style that Kimmy K frequently wears.

 

drinks unicorn drink once 

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

She even captioned a second photo “Katy Kardashian.” So yeah, biggest fan ever. 

 

Katy Kardashian

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

She also tagged the entire family in her post so it’s safe to say that she loves everyone equally.

Anyone else totally down for a Katy Perry guest episode of KUWTK?

Follow Isabel on Twitter.

You Are About to Obsess Over the Mini Dress Kylie Jenner Wore This Weekend

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Ever since she was a kid, Kylie Jenner has been a style icon. And now, as basically an adult, her style just keeps getting better and better. I mean, I don't think she even had an awkward phase like the rest of us mortals. Uncool, I know. 

Anyways, she looked flawless as always at the opening of The Sugar Factory in Las Vegas on Saturday night. According to Cosmopolitan, she wore a super short, skin-tight striped dress with matching skinny heels. 

If her look doesn't scream "VEGAS IN SPRINGTIME" then I don't know what does. Brb going to buy myself a copycat dress asap. 

Follow Isabel on Twitter.

President Obama is Making His First Public Appearance Since the Election Tomorrow

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It's been approx. 93 days since President Obama left 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and the public eye, not that I am counting or anything. After an awesome vacation that included windsurfing and taking pictures of Michelle, Refinery29 reports that it won't be long until he comes back better than ever. In fact, it might be sooner than you think. 

E! News and The Chicago Tribune reports that the former POTUS will return with a speaking engagement in his hometown of Chicago this coming Monday. Could it be any more fitting? On Monday evening he will be speaking at the University of Chicago's Logan Center for the Arts about political engagement and community service. 

As well, Kevin Lewis, a spokesperson for Obama, said that the lucky audience will include students from local universities and schools around Chicago. In case you are like me and extremely jealous right now of everyone who gets to witness the event, Lewis also adds that the university is planning to televise the entire affair. 

Tomorrow can't come soon enough. 

Follow Isabel on Twitter.

Links We Love 4.23.17

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Unicorn Frappuccino nail art is a thing. [Elite Daily]

How to score free food at 30 different restaurants. [Spoon University]

Kristen Bell does not care what you think of her. [Bustle]

The speedy workout that changes your brain. [New York Magazine]

The false promises of college. [The Huffington Post]

10 uncomfortable signs you're in the best relationship of your life. [Thought Catalog]

Why Kylie and Kendall always match.[Cosmopolitan]

Best beauty looks from Coachella weekend 2. [allure]

Here's why your nails are turning yellow. [Women's Health]

What it's like to touch Zac Efron's ab. [Us Weekly]

You've Decided to Get an Abortion: Now What?

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After you’ve made the decision to get an abortion, it can be overwhelming to figure out what to do next. You probably have a million questions running through your mind: where do I go? How much will it cost? What can I expect? These are all valid concerns, and trying to find answers can be especially frustrating since people tend to avoid openly talking about abortion. While in an ideal world preventative measures would be 100 percent effective, they’re not – so here’s your guide to getting an abortion. 

Reaching out to resources

As soon as you’ve decided that you want an abortion, you should start reaching out to resources because the longer you wait, the more difficult and expensive the process will be. Your general practitioner is one place to start. They might discuss different methods and provide you with resources. That being said, it’s always best to consult with a provider that you trust. Doctors are legally required to keep what you tell them confidential; however, talking with a provider that you trust might lead to less-biased information. Zoey Lichtenheld, of NARAL Pro-Choice Texas, recommends calling unbiased hotlines such as the National Abortion Federation hotline and Backline for information.

There are also plenty of useful online resources. Planned Parenthood has a tool that lets you search for health centers within your state. Each location has its address and contact information listed, as well as a list of the services offered and insurance plans accepted. Abortionclinics.com is a similar resource, although this site lets you search for clinics by the services they provide.

Individual states might have their own online resources. According to Lichtenheld, Texans can use NeedAbortion.org to find clinics, information about how to get in touch with organizations that provide financial or transportation support and answers to common questions.

Waiting period laws & counseling

Another important factor to determine is whether or not your state has a legally mandated waiting period for women seeking abortion. Almost half of U.S. states require a 24-hour waiting period, while others are more restrictive. Alison Dreith, Executive Director of NARAL Pro-Choice Missouri, says that women in the state, in addition to those in Utah, South Dakota and Oklahoma, must wait 72 hours before having an abortion.

Oftentimes, the waiting period will include mandated counseling. According to the Guttmacher Institute, “38 states require that women receive counseling before an abortion is performed.” While some of this counseling simply describes what the procedure will entail, 12 states legally require that the counseling include information on the ability of a fetus to feel pain. Kansas, Indiana, Oklahoma, Missouri, and North and South Dakota require that women be told, “personhood begins at conception.” This, of course, only criminalizes abortion and is not factually accurate. 

Dreith says that Missouri’s mandated counseling also include other options for abortion, such as adoption—even if a woman has already made up her mind. Depending on the state you live in, these are things to be prepared for.

Related: Her Story: I Had An Abortion in College

Preparing

Travel

If you live in a state with a waiting period or counseling that you don’t want to partake in, you can always cross state lines into less strict areas. While traveling for this reason is optional, that’s not always the case. In five states—Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, South Dakota and Wyoming—there is only one abortion clinic. If you live in one of these states, you should probably be prepared to drive a bit out of the way.

Even states with more than one clinic, such as Texas, make it difficult for women to find resources nearby. “Texans living in areas without an abortion provider have to prepare to travel long distances to get to the nearest clinic—which for many means taking time off work, getting additional money for an overnight stay, and arranging for childcare,” Lichtenheld says. This is true for similar states, particularly those with long waiting periods.

The mandated waiting times aren’t the only thing to counter in when planning a trip, either. “Because of abortion clinic closures, wait times for the initial visit for an abortion have substantially increased—a person trying to get an abortion in Austin may have to wait as long as 23 days,” Lichtenheld says. Before you hit the road, call multiple clinics and make sure that you can plan an appointment within the time you’ll be visiting.

Cost

The price of an abortion depends on many different factors. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the majority of women in the U.S. pay for abortions with state Medicaid and other forms of insurance or out-of-pocket. “Median out-of-pocket costs when private insurance or Medicaid paid were $18 and $0. Median out-of-pocket cost for women for whom insurance or Medicaid did not pay was $575,” NIH says. However, the final cost will vary based on the provider, medical conditions, etc. For example, Lichtenheld says, “If a person is more than 12 weeks into the pregnancy, the cost will be higher and will increase the further along they are in the pregnancy.” This is why it’s important to act as soon as you’re sure you want an abortion.

You should always check with your insurance provider to make sure they cover abortion—first, because you could end up saving a lot of money; secondly, because 25 states ban coverage in private plans through health insurance marketplaces.

If you can’t afford an abortion, don’t worry: you have options. According to Lichtenheld, “If a person does not have the funds to cover the cost of the abortion procedure and the additional expenses if they have to travel to get to a clinic, they can work with their abortion provider to see if there are payment plan options and reach out to their local abortion fund.” Some funds pay for your actual procedure, while others help with traveling costs. Get Help and Fund Abortion Now are great resources.

Types of procedures

Contrary to popular belief, there are multiple abortion procedures—one of them not even being a procedure.

RU-486 or “the abortion pill”

Most commonly known as the abortion pill, this method combines two medicines to end a pregnancy. Though the process varies from state to state, for the most part, it’s used in women who’ve had their last period nine weeks before. Before being administered the abortion pill, you’ll likely undergo lab tests, a physical exam and an ultrasound. You’ll also sign consent forms and be given information on the steps to take after the appointment.

While at the clinic, you’ll be provided with the Mifepristone pill. This prevents the pregnancy from continuing by detaching the pregnancy from the wall of the uterus.

After being administered this pill, you’ll receive Misoprostol to take home with you. This causes the uterus to empty, and is taken 24-48 hours after taking Mifepristone. 

According to Planned Parenthood, “More than half of women abort within four or five hours after taking the second medicine [Misoprostol]. For others, it takes longer. Bust most women abort within a few days.”

You’ll go to a second appointment at the same clinic you initially went to, where an ultrasound will be done to determine whether or not the abortion was successful. If it was not (which is rare), you have the option of a surgical abortion.

Side effects

Cramps and bleeding are very common during a medical abortion. According to the Hope Clinic, “Usually you can expect the bleeding to start after the cramping has begun. The bleeding may be very heavy, but many patients say the bleeding wasn’t as heavy as expected. You may pass small or large blood clots (the size of a quarter is very common, but passing a clot two inches round is nothing to be alarmed about). Bleeding, cramping and passing clots are a normal part of the abortion process.” Once the clinic has confirmed the abortion is complete, you might also experience light bleeding over the next two weeks.

If you are ever concerned with the bleeding or any other side effects, do not hesitate to contact the clinic or your general practitioner. 

*Warning: Do not attempt to try and order these pills online, as they may not be safe or even effective. 

Surgical abortion

According to Lichtenheld, this procedure will vary based on how far along a woman is in her pregnancy.

1st trimester – vacuum aspiration

Upon arriving to the clinic, you’ll undergo a similar initial process as the medical abortion that involves a checkup and ultrasound.

You’ll be given medication for pain, and depending on the practice, maybe offered sedation or a numbing medication for your cervix.

During the procedure, you’ll be laying down on an exam table in a hospital gown. The doctor will open your cervix and insert a tube through the cervix into the uterus. “Either a hand-held suction device or a suction machine gently empties your uterus,” according to Planned Parenthood. This will essentially vacuum the contents of your uterus.

Lichtenheld says that women usually experience some cramping during the procedure “similar to period cramps.”

The procedure does not last long, usually taking around five to 10 minutes. Afterwards, you’ll spend around an hour in a recovery room. Depending on the type of sedation or pain medication you received, you may need to bring someone with you to drive you home. 

You’ll typically schedule a follow-up appointment within the next couple of weeks.

Side effects

Cramps and bleeding are also common after having a surgical abortion. According to Planned Parenthood, “It’s normal to have spotting that lasts up to six weeks, heavy bleeding for a few days, [and] bleeding that stops and starts again.” You should not use tampons throughout this period—only pads.

If you are ever concerned with the bleeding or any other side effects, do not hesitate to contact the clinic or your general practitioner. 

2nd trimester – dilation and evacuation (D&E)

While most women (92 percent) have abortions within the first trimester of pregnancy, those who do not usually undergo a method known as dilation and evacuation. Second trimester abortions are difficult because clinics may not perform them, whether it is for legal or other reasons. This procedure will be generally more expensive and complicated, maybe even requiring a two-day surgical process.

The initial portion of a D&E abortion is similar to a vacuum aspiration; however, since the pregnancy is further along, the cervix will need to be opened wider so more tissue can pass through. This can be done in a variety of ways, whether it's by taking medication or having dilators inserted prior to the procedure. 

If dilators were previously inserted, they will be removed at the time of the abortion. You’ll be provided with pain medication, and maybe even sedation or IV medication. The cervix will be numbed, and the doctor will begin emptying the uterus with medical instruments (such as forceps) and suction machine. Cramping during the procedure is to be expected.

The entire procedure (not including the widening of the cervix) should last up to fifteen minutes. You’ll be in recovery for an hour afterwards.

Side effects

Like with the other procedures, cramps and blood are to be expected. The bleeding described after a first trimester abortion also applies with this procedure. Recovering from a D&E abortion may require a few days of relaxation depending on how you’re feeling. To prevent infection, it’s recommended you avoid having sex or using tampons for a few weeks after the procedure.

If you are ever concerned with the bleeding, other side effects, or your emotional state, do not hesitate to contact the clinic or your general practitioner. 

Whether you decide to have a medical or surgical abortion, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone throughout the process. There are so many resources willing to help! You also have no reason to be ashamed, so don’t hesitate to open up to someone you trust. 

41 Ways to Customize Your Graduation Cap

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It's that time of year, collegiettes. While some of you are getting ready to start college or rock your summer internship, others are preparing to take on the real world. Graduation is a super exciting time, and we're sure you want it to be a memorable one! Make a mark on your last moments of college or high school with these custom graduation caps you can make yourself.

1. Belle of the Graduation

If you're looking to make an elegant statement when you get your diploma, this is the way to go!

2. A Friendly Reminder

Inspire not only yourself but others with this friendly reminder!

3. On Wednesdays…

You can never go wrong with a bit of Mean Girls inspiration to get you through the day!

4. Mischief Managed

For every Harry Potter fan… you've made it.

5. The Honest Truth

Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.

6. If You're Reading This…

Drake is proud of you (even if your bank account is hurting).

7.  In the Wise Words of Spongebob Squarepants

It might have taken you four years, but it was worth it in the end. 

8. Cinderella Once Told Us…

A little courage and a little kindness can go a long way. 

9. Teachers Take on the World

You're one step closer to making the world a better place!

10. For the Future World Traveler

We hope it's the best adventure of your life. 

11. You Made It!

And now she can do anything.

12. If We're Being Honest…

We can almost guarantee you won't be the only one thinking this during graduation.

13. Wined About it But…

And now you deserve to celebrate!

14. A Very Good Question

You go ahead and take that nap. You deserve it!

15. Believing is the First Step

And we believe you have the power to do anything your heart desires.

16. Monogrammed Sparkle

Personalize your graduation cap to make it just as special as you are. 

17. Current Status:

We're all in the same boat. 

18. But Actually…

You win some and you lose some, but you earned the degree so that's all that matters!

19. We'd Rather Make History

And we know you will. 

20. Some Law School Truth

Your degree prepared you for this. You've got this. 

21. Worthy Advice from Peter

And now you're about to embark on the biggest adventure of your life. 

22. Surprise!

"Now that you're not helping with my tuition, I think it's time you should know this."

23. Adventure is Out There!

Life is just one big adventure, right?

24. Allons-y! 

In the wise words of the Doctor, "We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?"

25. Did it!

If you can do this, you can do anything. 

26. Natasha Said it Best

The rest is unwritten, but that might just be the best part. 

27. Never Forget

You only graduate from college once!

28. Bring in the Dancing Lobsters!

The Amanda Show really knew how to celebrate! 

29. About Time

And now you have the B.S.!

30. The Ultimate Advice

Leslie never stops striving for perfection and neither should you!

31. Intelligence is the Best Weapon

With intelligence, there's no telling what you can do!

32. Simple Truth

It's about time!

33. Goodbyes Aren't Easy

Always in our hearts. 

34. Sometimes All You Need is Courage

Sometimes you just need to remember this. 

35. Grey's Anatomy Takes Graduation

Because who can resist Grey's?

36. The Truth Hurts

Well, that was a bit harsh. It's fine, we're fine. 

37. Classic Pearls

A classy design can be more meaningful than words. 

38. Feelin' Fresh

You can never go wrong with a bit of Will Smith in your life. 

39. Me? A Graduate?

Please don't make us be real people yet…

40. We're on Our Way

Never let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

41. So She Did

There's no telling what you can do. 

Whether or not you're looking forward to receiving that diploma, decorating your cap can leave you with a sentimental keepsake to remind you of the person you were and the person you look forward to being. Congratulations, collegiettes!

13 Texts All Girls Have Sent to Their Crush

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Texting a new crush should be an Olympic sport—we mean, for real. There are rules that must be followed in the beginning stages of a text-ationship—and chances are, you'll break 50 percent of them in the first few weeks. Don't worry, girl, we've all been there. Read below for 13 texts you've definitely sent your crush. 

1. The drunk text

Let's get this out of the way. We've all done it. We've all regretted it. We've all probably done it again, too. Pretend you aren't cringing right now. 

2. The "I'm too nervous to hang out" excuse text

Oh my god, they actually want to hang out?! I must make up some totally obvious excuse as to why I can't. 

3. The desperate text to keep the conversation going

The beginning can be awkward, so we get it. However, if they're ghosting you, say sayonara. 

4. The "casual" invite out on the weekend

"Hey! I'm going to this super fun bar tonight. You should too!" So simple, yet probably took you 20 minutes to press send. 

5. The response that was perfectly crafted in the group chat

You aren't texting one girl. You're texting 12. 

6. The "I'm playing hard to get" text

You're in demand, and you want them to know it! Sometimes you gotta leave them wanting more. 

7. That first-ever risky text

*Sends winky face emoji* *Throws phone across the room* *Moves across the country*

8. The four hours (or days) later reply

They answered in 20 minutes? Ha! I'll answer next Monday. 

9. The instant reply

Followed by the anxiety of realizing you answered way too fast. 

10. The "come over" text

We've all done it at least once. Probably late at night. Probably after some draaaaanks. 

11. The dramatic DTR text

This one usually comes after you've been hooking up for a little bit. Because no matter how certain you are that their response is not going to be what you want to hear, there is this inherent need to send them a novel. That's it, you're doing it! No regrets! Until 10 minutes after you send it. When you immediately regret it. 

12. The forcing-yourself-to-stay-awake text

When you don't want to go to sleep because you're texting bae. 

13. The truthful text you'll never send

Because some things are better left unsaid. The beginning's all about playing it cool anyway, amirite?!


How She Got There: Avantika Agrawal, Product Manager at Birchbox

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Name: Avantika Agrawal
Job Title and Description: Product Manager at Birchbox
College Name/Major: University of Pennsylvania Engineering & Wharton School of Business

What does your current job entail? Do you have a favorite part?

Avantika Agrawal: So I am the product manager at Birchbox. Currently, my focus area is the mobile app and also our subscription growth, so growing subscribers to our Birchbox products. Prior to this position I didn’t actually have experience working as a PM (product manager) but I’d had quite a bit of experience that definitely contributes to the kind of work I do here. I graduated from college with a dual degree in computer science engineering and business, and I think that combination of skill sets definitely lends itself really well to the PM role. I think it’s good to be technical, it’s good to have a little bit of an engineering background but at the same time having a strong foundation in the basics of business and strategy and management is always helpful. I think that a lot of people in that program did want to go into the product management field. My favorite part I have to say is the customer research. I remember the first day we had customers in the office; it was just, it was amazing. We had these amazing customers who would come in without expecting any incentive just to give us feedback and they had such useful things to say, whether positive or negative, and I think the fact that we prioritized getting their feedback, testing things out in front of them, even going out to our stores in person to show them new things we’re working on, I think that was a really great part of the role. There’s a lot of product managers who just go ahead and build a product based on what they think is right and I think we try really hard to make sure we test it with customers before anything goes out.

Is there such thing as a day-to-day routine for you?

AA: I think at any given time I probably have two to three projects, like I’m working on a couple of different projects at a time, so it’s usually touching base with each of the teams I work with on each of those sides, so there’s a cool part of the role: things like vision, strategy, coming up with road maps, depending on where you are in the life cycle of each of these projects you might be doing that. A very big piece of the role at Birchbox is understanding our customers and doing research and reaching out to them and so, you know, almost every week, we’ll have some customers in the office who we can ask questions about how they’re using our app or have them test out anything we’re working on. I think that to me is really unique about Birchbox where we really have this focus on the customer and the customer coming first. There’s obviously working with other stakeholders in the company so we partner really closely with engineering and design teams so if I have an idea for a new feature they’re probably the first people I go to to figure out technical constraints and, you know, design and ideas, and then there’s also launch and measurement, analytics like – not even just before you launch, but especially after you launch to make sure you don’t just throw the product over the wall, as they say, you’re also thinking about how it’s doing and other ways to optimize it and if it’s performing well and constantly keeping tabs on it. Depending on where each product is, I’ll touch on a lot of these things over the course of a day or two and then it’s really just continuing to do what it takes to get the product out the door and then after that I can make sure it’s performing well.

What was your first entry-level job in your field and how did you get it?

AA: I spent the first two years out of college working as a consultant at McKinsey & Company learning a bit more on the business side of things. But I wanted to stay close to emerging technology and innovations in the space so I worked with their business technology office actually. I consulted with a number of companies over the two years, from project managing to strategy to organizational design to digital marketing. So, spent two years as a consultant and then after that I wanted to get back into the tech industry and so I moved to Google in a more analytical and data science-focused role. I think it was a really exciting role in the sense that to be an analyst, to be a data scientist at Google, you get to have all of those terabytes of data at your fingertips, get to find interesting consumer insights that could then inform your product team or marketing teams or sales teams. So it was a great experience, I think it really built off the analytical experience I had at McKinsey but also provided closeness to technology that I wanted to get back. So that brings me to Birchbox! From Google, I was very interested not just in the analytics side of things, but I really wanted to get closer to product development, actually launching a product, which involved the elements of all the roles I did previously so analysis, data science is a very part of what we do, but also strategy road maps, stay close to management, all of those things that I got from McKinsey. 

What words of wisdom (well-known quotes, an anecdote from your boss) do you find most valuable?

AA: I’ve been lucky I’ve had a lot of really, really supportive and great mentors over my career. I think our first CTO, as I mentioned, she was a woman, and her name was Liz Crawford. She was, I’d say, one of the most inspiring leaders I’ve met, especially being a female CTO. She definitely was somebody I looked up to and one of the things that was unique about her leadership style was that she was very authentic and very – she stayed true to her style. She was a very soft-spoken person, she wasn’t, you know, perceived to be very aggressive but when she walked into a meeting, regardless of how loud she spoke, you knew she knew what she was talking about. She commanded an audience, she had that kind of presence. And you know, for me, I think I always had the issue where I feel like I’m not as confident, I’m not – I need to be speaking up more in meetings, I need to be louder, I need to make my voice heard, which is definitely true, but I think one advice she gave me was that you don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to be seen as a leader. I think, be true to what your style is and you can come up with your own leadership style. It doesn’t require you having a change of your style of communication as much. If you’re confident and you know your stuff, I think you can be seen as a leader and she demonstrated that in a really, really impressive way, so she was inspiring and I think that I’m trying to follow in her footsteps as much as I can.

What do you look for when considering hiring someone?

AA: I think for a PM role we try to look for people who aren’t – I think a lot of bigger companies usually have very, very strict criteria, like you need to have an engineering background, you need to have at least “x” number of years of experience, I think, where we have a little bit more flexibility on is we really want to see that all-rounded skillset. Maybe you don’t have an engineering background but you’re really interested in getting technical and you really want to learn, I think we’re willing to overlook that if you’re well-rounded in some of the other areas. So if you’re analytical, if you have really good vision and product instincts, if you can – if you want to be customer-centric and you want to work closely with design, we really look for that well-rounded skillset. I think that’s one, the second I think is just be scrappy. I think being at a smaller company, especially coming from places like Google, as I said, the role often deviates from the role description. You’re often put into positions where there is more ambiguity. There isn’t a well-defined process for things, you’re often in uncharted territory, and people have to be able to navigate that if they want to work and be successful at small companies. So I think we look for people who have experience doing that or are comfortable in that kind of environment or seem like they’d be self-starters and could figure things out and aren’t really waiting for things to be handed to them. I think that’s just generally a trait we really would respect, especially on the product team.

What advice would you give to a 20-something with similar aspirations, especially in a field primarily dominated by men?

AA: That’s a great question. It’ll be natural to feel a little bit intimidated and a little bit outnumbered in a room and feel like you might not be good enough. I think just remembering that you’re there for a reason and that it’s nothing to do with your gender, it’s because you are qualified and you can make this happen. I think just reminding yourself of that can help you get the confidence to overcome some of that intimidation. The other thing I’ve seen a lot with women across all the companies I’ve worked with is that sometimes you hold yourself back a little bit, we don’t ask for what we want, and I see that a lot of times, thinking about promotions, career advancements, like not really going after that job or not really asking for that promotion because we think we’re coming across as too aggressive or we think we shouldn’t be putting ourselves out there as much. I’d say just don’t be afraid to ask – the worst thing that can happen is, I think usually it just leads to a really productive discussion. The best thing that can happen is that you actually get what you want, the worst thing is that you might be seen as a little ambitious, which is never a bad thing. So ask for what you want, really go after it, don’t be intimidated even if you are not in the majority.

Fill out my online form.

A 15-Year-Old Who Was Kidnapped By Her Teacher Was Found Safe 39 Days Later

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Elizabeth Thomas, a 15-year-old student who was kidnapped in her hometown in Tennessee on March 13, was found safe and unharmed in California last Thursday, ABC News reports.

Former Tennessee teacher Tad Cummins was arrested in northern California after more than a month on the run. Around 11 p.m. Wednesday, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation received a call about a possible sighting of the student and teacher, ABC News reported.

According to CNN, the former teacher will appear in court today, facing federal and state charges.

Griffin Barry, the man who says he eventually helped police capture Cummins, told KRCR that they’d been hiding in the heavily wooded area south of the Oregon line since at least last week.

“He was saying he was from Colorado. He said he had a house fire and he got fired from his job, and he has his last $10 or whatever,” Barry told KRCR. “I gave him $40 and put gas in his tank.” Cummins told Barry that the teen was his 22-year-old-wife, KRCR reported. Barry said Thomas didn't talk much and it appeared that Cummins "keeping her separate."

Authorities received more than 1,500 leads across the country in the search for Thomas, director Mark Gwyn told ABC News.

“It only takes one tip,” Gwyn told ABC News. “This is yet another example of the value of the public helping us to rescue a kidnapping victim.”

Thomas boarded a private jet bound for Tennessee to be reunited with her family Friday. It is incredibly fortunate that she was found safe and unharmed, and now can be returned to her home.

Ivanka Trump Won’t Be Promoting Her New Book Out of 'Caution'

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If you've been following Ivanka Trump since the election, you know she's faced criticism for continuing to work on her business despite now playing a prominent role in the White House. So it comes as a bit of a surprise that when her new book comes out in a few weeks, the first daughter will be holding back from publicity. She took to Facebook on Thursday to talk about her plan for Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules for Success, explaining the full reasoning behind her decision.

“Empowering women has been central to my mission throughout my career, and with my book, Women Who Work, I hope to do just that,” she wrote. “The book equips readers with the best advice, tips and skills I've learned over the years from many incredible people, on subjects including identifying opportunities, leading teams, starting companies, managing work and family, and building cultures where multidimensional women can thrive—now and in the future.”

Ivanka cites “government ethics rules” as to why she’ll be avoiding media appearances. “I want to be clear that this book is a personal project,” she continued. “I wrote it at a different time in my life, from the perspective of an executive and an entrepreneur, and the manuscript was completed before the election last November.

“Out of an abundance of caution and to avoid the appearance of using my official role to promote the book, I will not publicize the book through a promotional tour or media appearances.”

WomenWho Work will be released May 2, and The Ivanka M. Trump Charitable Fund plans to create grants from the book’s royalties and donating them to The National Urban League and he Boys & Girls Club of America to help “support the economic empowerment for women and girls.”

Vanderbilt Football Made a Sorority Recruitment Parody Video & It's Next Level

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The Vanderbilt football team dancing around in celebration of sisterhood is exactly what you needed in your life today.

In a mock sorority recruitment video for “VF Sorority,” you get an inside look at Vanderbilt football. The team lounges in the sun, giggles, blows kisses at the camera and generally relishes all things typical sorority sisterhood.

The video was created by tight end Sam Dobbs for Vanderbilt’s Black & Gold Banquet, and we’re sure the audience loved every minute of the performance.

This is a sorority we definitely want in on. When can we join?

This ASU Class Organized a Protest in Lieu of a Final Exam

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An Arizona State University professor, Angeles Maldonado, provided her students with an alternative task during this final exam season. Rather than administer a formal test, Maldonado gave her Global Politics of Human Rights students a chance to do a group project instead. Naturally, the 20 students decided to organize a human-rights protest as their project. A protest instead of a final exam—where can I sign up for this class?

Maldonado explained to The Arizona Republic, "The class decided that as a group project they wanted to make their voices heard about the issues that are affecting them today, so instead of just reading about the human-rights violations, they’d speak out about the current violations that are happening.”

Alex Corella, a student in Maldonado's Global Politics of Human Rights class, told The Arizona Republic, “This was something that we all got together and said we would express some of the things we don’t like, so a lot of the other people here are protesting things like immigration, immigration ban, women’s rights, things like that." The protest displayed a wide variety of human-rights issues. Surely, Maldonado is proud to see her students create a public spectacle from her lectures.

During the approved group protest, the students stood shoulder-to-shoulder, chanted, held signs and encouraged onlookers to join their peaceful assembly. Their signs said, “Wall Against Hate!”

Student journalist Chris McCrory tweeted photos of the protest, and reported that at one point the school police were called because the protest was blocking a walkway.

Since the protest, the ASU administration has issued an official statement to The Arizona Republic. “As an institution of higher education and an environment that promotes academic freedom, Arizona State University supports the free exchange and expression of ideas. All individuals and groups on campus have the right to express their opinions, whatever those opinions may be, as long as they do not violate student code of conduct and student organization policies and do not infringe on another student’s individual rights. This policy applies to all students.”

Kudos to the ASU administration for respecting every student’s right to protest and the expression of their ideas. While the students may not have been causing any harm during their protest on the sidewalk, the group may not have had proper written permission to block a private walkway which is against most universities’ policies. Regardless of their location, these students gained a lot of recognition for their human-rights protest.

This Girl Used Her Boyfriend's Balls as a Beauty Blender & It's Disturbing AF

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There is an entire trend dedicated to finding alternative objects to use as a beauty blender. Many people, including Nadi (the makeup mastermind behind PopLuxe), have dedicated much of their time to proving you can actually apply makeup with things such as eggs and condoms.

But one teen—Johnna Hines, aka @punkzillaa, decided to step far across the line of common sense and boundaries, and took a leap into a territory that I can only describe as disturbing as fuck when she made a video of herself using her boyfriend's balls as a beauty blender. And yes, I mean those balls.

I only have one word for you, @punkzillaa: FUCK NO (ok that was two, but you get the idea). I mean seriously, you better hope your mother doesn't have access to the Internet, or you're gonna have a lot of explaining to do.

Eggs and condoms, sure—they're funny ways to apply makeup and they actually work, so I get it. But testicles? NO THANK YOU. This just shows that people will do anything these days for a bit of Internet fame. The best (or worst?) part about this is she made a Twitter poll, and 51% of people actually voted in favor of this. THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE WANTED.

Though I hope you are as thoroughly horrified as I am, admit it... you're a little bit curious. If you have the courage, you can watch the clip here, but be prepared to lose sleep tonight.

Johnna's tweet has gone so viral that famous MUAs have weighed in on the matter:

And because Twitter is the funniest place on the internet, but also the most socially and environmentally conscious:

Good question. Now I would like some answers.

5 Ways to Wear Sweats Every Day of Finals

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It's that time in the semester when school completely takes over your life: finals week. You're practically living at the library, your main food group is a Starbucks latte and you can't remember what it's like to have a social life. While you may be devoting your blood, sweat and tears to your textbooks, finals week shouldn't feel like a total punishment. Take a break from study hour and put on an outfit that'll give you a confidence boost! Okay, we know actually looking put together to take a test may seem absurd, but what if all of said cute outfits involved sweatpants? Yes, sweatpants. Ditch the tired college student look and let yourself be inspired by these outfits that incorporate both style and comfort.

Monday

Monday

White cotton t shirt
yoyomelody.com

 

 

 

Vans synthetic shoes
shoemetro.com

 

 

Sole Society knapsack bag
solesociety.com

 

Keep it simple with black and white for the start of finals week. A striped jogger will make your legs look longer and the slim fit will make people completely oblivious to the fact that you're rocking sweats. A loose t-shirt will give you the relaxed fit you need when you're cramped in a classroom with all of those people who never actually attended class. A leather backpack and black sneakers pull this look together and make you look sporty and trendy. 

Tuesday

Tuesday

 

Sanctuary green pants
lordandtaylor.com

 

 

TOMS flat shoes
bloomingdales.com

 

 

Put some color into your sweatpants collection with green joggers. The color will separate you from the masses of gray and black university-brand sweatpants on campus and will certainly not let you look frumpy. Simple TOMS and a black ribbed tank with a layered gold necklace are the finishing touches to this outfit. The necklace is a classy alternative to a scarf and will add the right amount of contrast to your otherwise neutral ensemble.

Related: How to Get Away With Wearing Leggings Every Day This Week

Wednesday

Wednesday

Channel your inner Kylie Jenner and wear a cropped sweatshirt and Yeezy-inspired sneakers. This neutral look will give you all of the comfort of your favorite gym outfit, without the workout. High-waisted leggings balance out the cropped look and a leather tote will give you enough room to carry your laptop and post-test snacks.

Thursday

Thursday

Athleta white tank
athleta.gap.com

 

 

Hard Tail clothing
nordstrom.com

 

 

 

Red scarve
gojane.com

 

Substitute your jeans for a classic yoga pant paired with a loose tank and infinity scarf. Your Converse will give this look a cool and crisp vibe and you'll look more "model off-duty" than "college student out of her mind." Score bonus points with a scarf that will keep you warm in the cold lecture halls. 

Friday

Friday

 

Activewear pants
prettylittlething.com

 

 

Channel your inner rockstar and go for an all-black uniform for Friday. The destroyed look makes these sweats look like jeans while the studded shoes add a little bit of heavy metal style to the end of your exam week. Don't be afraid to hit the post-finals parties in this outfit either! End the week with edge and be happy you left your jeans in the hamper.

We can't all be fashionistas when we're trying to memorize everything we learned in one semester, but when you combine fashion and function, style is a no-brains game. Use these looks to spice up your usual sweatpants uniform and ace your finals in style.


Serena Williams Wrote a Letter to Her Baby, & It's As Sweet As Can Be

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Not only is Serena Williams a badass on the tennis courts, but she's also pregnant. The star athlete and number one women's singles tennis player in the world (and the oldest woman to ever achieve that title, by the way) is expecting a sweet bundle of joy later this year.

Monday, Serena shared her feelings in a letter to her baby on Instagram.

“My Dearest Baby, You gave me the strength I didn’t know I had,” the post reads. “You taught me the true meaning of serenity and peace. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait for you to join the players box next year. But most importantly, I am so happy to share being number one in the world with you.... once again today. On @alexisohanian [her fiancé’s] bday. From the world’s oldest number one to the world’s youngest number one. -Your Mommy."

I’m not crying, you are. How sweet is that? The mom-to-be is 20 weeks along, with the baby—whose father is the co-founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian—set to arrive this fall. 

Best wishes to Serena and her growing family. Soon she’ll have her hands full with a baby, and I can’t wait to gush over them even more than I already am.

Chris Pratt Apologized for Saying Something 'Pretty Stupid' About Representation in Hollywood

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Chris Pratt was in hot water last week because of a comment he made about how Hollywood represents people like him—or how it doesn’t, apparently.

“I don’t see personal stories that necessarily resonate with me, because they’re not my stories,” Pratt told Men’s Fitness. “I think there’s room for me to tell mine, and probably an audience that would be hungry for them. The voice of the average, blue-collar American isn’t necessarily represented in Hollywood.”

Chris went on to tell the magazine that he wanted to bridge the gap of “the things that separate us.” 

Uh oh. His comments didn’t sit well with most people, leaving Pratt under fire. Though what he said wasn’t exactly popular among fans, Chris quickly apologized with a short-and-sweet but super-real tweet. The Guardians of the Galaxy star took full ownership for the comment, calling it "stupid."

“That was actually a pretty stupid thing to say. I’ll own that. There’s a ton of movies about blue collar America,” he tweeted.

Everyone makes mistakes; at least Chris Pratt realized he was in the wrong. Though no one is perfect, Chris might be the closest thing to it. He’s gorgeous, talented and honest when he messes up. What a man!

Abigail Breslin Explains Why She Didn't Report Her Sexual Assault

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Abigail Breslin has been known to speak out about sexual assault, but only recently has she shared that she was sexually assaulted. Now, the actress is taking to Instagram to explain why she didn’t report her assailant.

 

*trigger warning⚠️*

A post shared by Abigail Breslin (@abbienormal9) on

On Saturday, Abigail shared a graphic showing statistics about rapists going free. After one user commented, “Reported rapes are the only rapes that count,” Breslin felt the need to respond.

She explained that after she was sexually assaulted she was in “complete shock and total denial.” She didn’t want to “view [herself] as a victim,” so she pretended it didn’t happen. One of the biggest reasons why? She was still in a relationship with her attacker. She was scared of being hurt further by him, so she remained silent. Fear of hurting her friends and family kept her quiet too.

Breslin admitted she still suffers from PTSD because of her assault. "I have made a lot of progress since the event occurred, but I won't pretend it isn't something I struggle with,” Abigail wrote. “I still have flashbacks, I still get nightmares, I still jump when somebody touches me unexpectedly, even if it's my best friend tapping me on the shoulder."

It’s unfortunate that Abigail had to defend her decision after what she’s been through, but it’s inspiring to see her coming forward to speak out so bravely. 

The Government Could Shut Down on Trump’s 100th Day in Office

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Donald Trump’s upcoming hundredth day in office, April 29, is also the day the government officially runs out of money—and there could be a shutdown unless Republicans and Democrats can agree on a new budget by midnight on April 28.

FiveThirtyEight reports that the Trump administration is trying to use the urgency of avoiding a shutdown to push through some of their spending priorities, like increases in defense spending, deep cuts to domestic programs, and, mainly, money for the border wall with Mexico. But Democrats say they will refuse to pass the budget if it includes funding for the wall. Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer, the Senate Minority Leader, said the wall is a “nonstarter,” according to The New York Times.

Republicans are willing to let the border wall go for now, according to USA Today, but Trump really wants that funding. Trump budget chief Mick Mulvaney has said the administration will exchange $1 of “Cost Reduction Subsidies,” or money that helps low-income people afford health care, for every $1 of border wall funding. If the Democrats refuse the deal, the government would allegedly stop paying the health care subsidies. But the problem with this, as Slate points out, is that Trump would cause millions of people to lose health care in order to follow through on his threat—and voters wouldn’t like that too much.

Nobody wants a shutdown—but it’s unclear if anyone will be willing to give up enough of their priorities to avoid one. We’ll see if this can be resolved by Friday.

13 of the Best Looks From Coachella 2017

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Now that Coachella 2k17 is officially over, it's time to celebrate by rounding up some of the best fashion moments from both weekends!

1. Baby Blue Jeans

This simple tied crop top and short-shorts looked sleek and sexy paired with a choker and hoops.

2. Floral Statement 

"And on that fateful day, all other flower crowns got put in their place."

3. Puff-Sleeve Central

Kendall rocked an extreme version of the off-the-shoulder trend we've been seeing all spring. I gotta say, she pulled it off! 

4. Retrochella

Marilyn, is that you? 

5. Blush Babe

Aimee Song looked absolutely enchanting in a ruffled mini-dress and rose-gold accessories.

6. Dad-on-Vacation Done Right

These aren't your pop's Hawaiian prints. Also, points for that killer bandana/sunglasses combo.

7. Pastel Tips 

 

All yours tonight : @gregnoire

A post shared by Coachella (@coachella) on

Lady Gaga looked like a badass unicorn with her all-black ensemble and wild pastel hair.

8. Cotton Candy Vibes

Wigs were all the rage this year at Coachella, and when paired with cool-girl overalls, it looked stunning.

9. Highlighter Yellow 

Of course, the youngest Jenner wowed everyone again with her surprise hair change and super-tight sequin dress.

10. Holy Flare

Practical? Probz not. Fierce? Absolutely.

11. Leather Forever

Classicly badass.

12. Perfectly Mixed Prints 

 

Literal land mermaid goals. 

13. Boho Queen 

And of course, it's not a Coachella round-up without the festival queen herself, Vanessa Hudgens. Absolute perfection. 

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