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Raven-Symoné Reveals Why She Kept Her Sexuality a Secret

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A lot of us remember how adorable Raven-Symoné was on The Cosby Show and how funny she was on That's So Raven. Despite her talent, Raven recently revealed in an interview that the spotlight was limiting, and it kept her from coming out for a long time. She describes her journey to coming out in the online docuseries It Got Better, which documents the testimonies of LGBT celebrities. 

She explained, "Being on television sets from age three to age 30, I'm more comfortable there. You create a family with these people that's sometimes are closer to you than your own family. [But] it's not very healthy later in life. My likeness…had 15 people dictating what I should and should not look like. If I did whatever I want, it's not gonna sell. It doesn't go with the brand. I was branded at such a young age."

Her fame at a young age kept her from revealing her sexuality. She was unsure of how it would affect the brand that had been created for her. Though she knew she liked girls at the age of 12, she still dated boys in order to keep up her brand.

"I didn't want to tell my parents. I had the number one show on Disney. I had multiple albums, I'd been on tour with *NSYNC…I never thought I would come out because my personal life didn't matter."

Things changed after she took a break from the industry to go to college. "I felt like I could go out and not have to put on 17 different hats to be myself."

We are so glad that Raven found a way to share her true self with the world. 


5 All-Black Power Outfits for Your Summer Internship

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For many college women, the start of summer means the start of a new internship. This is an exciting opportunity to learn about your dream career, and you’re probably nervous about making a great impression on your superiors. Well, a sharp outfit is the perfect way to impress, and an all-black ensemble is always stylish and classy—no matter what industry you're going into. Here are five power outfits that are all black and all style. They’re sure to make you look like a total pro at office attire, and with a only a few signature pieces, you’ll be set to rock your summer internship in style!

The decision-maker

Power Black 1

A stuffy suit is pretty unappealing any time of year, but especially in the summer when you’re just trying to stay cool in your hot cubicle. Instead of investing in a dull pantsuit, try mixing and matching all black separates for a look that’s still office-appropriate, but much more comfortable—and stylish! A pair of well-fitted black pants will be a staple garment to wear all summer long. Top them with a loose, feminine tee for a bit of flair and lots of comfort.

Related: 4 Fashion Rules It’s Totally OK to Break (& How to Do It!)

The bohemian boss

Power black 2

Ruffle tank top
seedheritage.com

 

 

 

 

Oasis handbags purse
oasis-stores.com

 

 

Here’s proof that black doesn’t have to mean boring. This look is all about shape and texture, with a hip-hugging pencil skirt and flirty ruffles. What an all-black look lacks in color, you can totally make up for in interesting, unique pieces. Here, your typical pencil skirt is taken up a notch with a flattering, high waist and tasteful slit. The softness and loose style of the top also helps balance the shapeliness of the skirt. You’ll still be office-appropriate, but with the added benefit of being able to hit the town at 5 p.m. without a wardrobe change!

The creative director

Power Black 5

Not all offices are the same when it comes to clothing, and these days, you’ll find a lot more places that favor comfort over formality. Especially if you’re in a creative field or have to be on your feet a lot of the day, you won’t want to be constrained by a tight suit. As always, the little black dress can save the day! A loose-fitted jersey dress that hits just above the knee is still suitable for your 9-to-5, but will give you a bit more room to breathe if you plan on running around most of the day. You should always avoid flip-flops in the office—the noise alone will drive your co-workers crazy—but strappy sandals or flats are perfect for a summer job. If you need another layer, try a modern take on the kimono, which is elegant and trendy.

The commuter club

Power black 4

Let’s face it, city life is expensive and, on an intern’s budget, the thought of paying for housing that’s convenient for your downtown job is daunting. Unfortunately, commuting is one of those real-life necessities you may have to deal with, at least until you land your dream. For a work wardrobe that’s equally stylish and commuter-friendly, look for pieces that won’t wrinkle while you’re on the train or bus. A pair of black jogger pants in a crepe (or polyester) fabric are both comfortable and resilient, and you can often find a pair with an elastic waistband, perfect for a long commute. A boxy, V-neck tank is also a great option for keeping you cool and composed while dealing with unpredictable public transportation. Of course, no commuter can live without a great pair of flats and a tote bag for carrying everything she needs throughout the day. Shoes are a great way to bring a pop of color to your black outfit, so look for a pair in a bright hue or playful print.

The influencer

Power black 5

Tux jacket
stylemoi.nu

 

 

BCBGeneration jumpsuit
bloomingdales.com

 

 

 

Chevron necklace
popmap.com

 

Thousands of eager college students apply for internships in the competitive fashion industry, and if you’re one of the lucky few to land the job, you’re probably equally nervous and excited. Not to mention, there’s a lot of pressure to look on-point each day. Luckily, an all-black outfit is always a chic option for fashion girls. An internship in fashion also gives you an opportunity to take more outfit risks than in other jobs, so relax and have fun with it! A black jumpsuit is one of those pieces that is so versatile and stylish that you’ll want to wear it all year long. It’s easy to throw on in the morning when you’re scrambling to get ready, but instantly makes you look put together. Add a chic blazer with leather and zipper details for some interest and a little more coverage, and invest in a cute cross-body bag that you can easily carry around with you on all those showroom visits!

Dressing for work can seem like a big shock when you’ve been living in yoga pants and jeans all semester, but with a few simple style hacks, you’ll be the office fashionista in no time. And when you feel like you have nothing to wear, all-black is the way to go.

I've Never Been a Crier, Until I Was Assaulted On Campus

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In September of my first year at an all women’s college, I was assaulted by another member of my college. I remember feeling so confused and empty, almost in a state of shock. I had been experimenting with my sexuality, and even though I wanted to speak out, saying, “I was assaulted by another woman,” just didn't sit well with me.

I was well aware of the stigma around sexual assault on college campuses. I had taken a class on consent coming in, and I had heard all of the statistics: one in five, one in five was repeated to us. Yet I’d never thought that I would be part of the “one.” I knew how difficult colleges were because they wanted to uphold their public image. However, at a college that prides themselves on being there for women, I thought, “There’s no way they won’t take this seriously, they have to believe me,” and for that reason, I chose to come forward.

Trying to keep my myself together in both my school work and my personal life was no easy feat. On a typical week, I had multiple meetings with the school administration, and I also had exams to worry about. With a science heavy course load with multiple labs a week and also with being a varsity athlete, it was hard enough to keep myself in high academic standard without worrying about case hearings.

I’ve never been a crier, and yet this year I cried more times than I can count. Some days I cried over failed assignments or tests to study for; some days I cried over spilt water or dropped cake. Some nights all I could do was silently cry myself to sleep and pray that tomorrow would be better. Nightmares, flashbacks and constant anxiety were things I now had to deal with, along with being a typical college student. I didn't know the word hyper-vigilance at the time, but the word now has a profound meaning in my life. Everywhere I went on campus, I was watching my back. Whether that be crowded places, dining halls, or the student center, I would always have my back to a wall. Despite good friends constantly by my side with the comforting words like, “As long as I am here I will never let her hurt you,” I couldn't even walk at night alone anymore.

Time continued to pass with the not so reassuring words, “Just a few more weeks.” As February turned into March and March turned April, everything was starting to be held together by threads. My grades were unraveling, my athletic career was falling apart and I was struggling just to keep my room clean and shower. I quit the team I was on high standing in, I had a reduced course-load and I had to pick up a tutor to stay on top of my work. My first year of college was crumbling around me and there was nobody to pick up the pieces.

In the middle of April, I finally received my letter of decision. After months of hearings and meetings, going over detail after detail of my story, and finally a whole lot of waiting, it was here, sitting in my inbox of my email. I have never been more scared in my life. I waited until the end of the academic day to open it. Sitting in a dorm room surrounded by four of my closest friends, I opened it.

I knew that there were multiple possible outcomes I could receive. I was prepared, or so I thought. I kept telling myself that there was a chance they would say there wasn't enough evidence, and yet I never expected them to say they believe me and yet they weren't going to do anything about it. When I met with the administration after the weekend, they told me she had received a few disciplinary sanctions, one of them being, “social probation.” Basically, if something similar happened again, she could be expelled.

In the midst of studying for final exams, I wrote an appeal letter to the president of the college. I sat down with a friend who had gone through a similar experience, and together we searched through law books and anything related to Title IX. After a few days, I had written a fourteen-page appeal letter with citations and footnotes. On the night of my final exam, I unexpectedly got an email back. My appeal was rejected.

I’m home for the summer now, and while that’s amazing and relaxing, I will eventually have to come to terms with the fact that when I come back to campus in the fall, she will also be there. There is nothing that terrifies me more, but I’m learning to accept it.

National Denim Day is a day dedicated to raising awareness for survivors of sexual assault. I had all my friends wear denim that day, and it was the first day that I truly felt empowered. I’m a survivor, not a victim, and that makes a world of difference. On that day, I wore my favorite shirt, and the slogan on the back has now become my personal motto for getting through this. No matter what happens, I know that “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

19 Reasons Why We Should Have Never Grown Up

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When we were 5 years old, all we wanted to do was grow up. Little did we know that we were living the dream in a world full of play dates and park swings. Now that we’re older and it’s socially unacceptable to order a Happy Meal or wear a tutu in public, we realize how good we had it when we were kids.

1. Play dates

Nothing can compare to hours spent playing Barbies with your bestie.

2. Screaming for the ice cream truck

That signature jingle will always remind us of fudgsicles.

3. Wearing dress up clothes in public

Wait…so we can’t wear our Frozen costumes to the grocery store anymore?

4. NAPS

What we would give to have required napping built into our schedules…

5. Going to the playground

Pure joy = slides, swings and monkey bars.

6. Happy Meal toys

Except if you get a lame one, then your whole day was ruined.

7. Playing make-believe

Now we can’t switch our careers from princess to astronaut so easily.

8. Snow days

Especially if you wore your PJs inside out and backwards the night before. #winning

9. Ordering chicken fingers and/or mac & cheese every time you went to a restaurant

Never mind, we still do that.

10. The kids’ table at holiday gatherings

Once you get invited to the boring adult table, there’s no going back.

11. Throwing a temper tantrum whenever and wherever we wanted

Sometimes you just need to have a good cry.

12. Field trips

When zoos and planetariums were essential to our learning.

13. Coloring

If we were lucky, we got the box of 64 crayons with the built-in sharpener.

14. Watching cartoons all day

Now if we watch cartoons all day, it’s probably because we’re too hungover to function.

15. Making sandcastles

Who has time to tan when you have a killer moat to build?

16. Not paying for anything

“Being broke” is something you grow into.

17. Paper fortune tellers / M.A.S.H. R.A.P.

It was always a good day when you found out you were going to make $1 billion dollars and marry your crush.

18. Birthday parties

We went exclusively for the cake and goodie bags.

19. Cooties

Guys were a lot easier to deal with when we wanted nothing to do with them.

Why did we grow up again? 

How She Got There: Deniz Ataman, Managing Editor at Perfumer & Flavorist Magazine

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Name: Deniz Ataman
Age: 28
Job Title and Description: Managing Editor at Perfumer & Flavorist Magazine
College Name/Major: University of Virginia, B.A. Psychology
Instagram Handle:@denizzeynepataman

What does your current job entail? Is there such a thing as a typical day?

Deniz Ataman: Every day is completely different. Working in the flavor and fragrance industry has allowed me to work in different roles as a journalist (my last trip was to Colombo, Sri Lanka, to cover the International Federation of Essential Oils and Aroma Extracts conference), an event planner for several of P&F’s industry events and an editor organizing the monthly editorial lineup which features perfumers, flavorists and industry professionals. I love that each day is different and presents a new “flavor.”

What is the best part of your job?

DA: The people. I work with some of the most brilliant minds in the world—minds who understand how our senses work to create our favorite fragrances (like Thierry Mugler’s Angel, for example) or ginger-lemon sour gummies (which I’ve recently discovered and adore). I love that I work for a publication that supports these creative, curious and colorful scientists to share their work with the rest of the world. Just by picking their brains, my view on the world has expanded. I’m forever grateful for that.

What inspired you to get involved in the perfume industry?

DA: It was always present in my life. My mother and grandmother were my first fragrance muses. Just one whiff of a perfume was enough to ease my mind when they were away. My great-grandmother has an adorable story about how she held up the bus because she forgot to put on her perfume before leaving the house.

I would try and make my own perfumes by infusing rose petals into alcohol and water and mixing essential oils together to create something that exuded my personality. Albeit, some did not smell so pleasant and the process is a bit more rigorous, but the experience certainly shaped my interest in my current job. Fragrance is powerful. It’s emotional. It’s creative. It sets a tone for how you want to feel.

What is one mistake you made along the way and what did you learn from it?

DA: Not believing in myself when I got my first job out of college. I was working as a manager for a cosmetics company and I was in way over my head. The paperwork, the procedures, rules, codes—it was cerebral overload! I remember thinking “I can’t do this. This job should be for someone more capable.” What a disempowering thought! And with that one negative thought, I ended up making more mistakes than I would have had I started with a stronger positive thought-seed.

What has been the most surreal moment of your career thus far?

DA: Visiting a cinnamon farm in Sri Lanka. Did you know that cinnamon bark is actually from the second layer of the cinnamon tree? When I learned this, I was amazed at how humans a) discovered this tree to be an essential spice that has changed the entire world and b) they had to get to the second layer in order to discover its value.

What words of wisdom do you find most valuable?

DA: I have two:

You can either be miserable or you can be strong, the amount of work is the same. – don Juan Matus as quoted by Carlos Castaneda

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. – Brendan Gill

What advice would you give to a 20-something with similar aspirations?

DA: Try everything. What may seem like a disconnected path to what you “think” is right, may actually be your golden ticket. At one point, I had seven jobs. From being a makeup artist to a Turkish tutor to a busgirl, each job offered me a gem to carry along my path. So often we are told to pick one thing and stick with that, but I believe we are a multifaceted species. And what makes us unique is how we combine our talents into each task at hand. Try everything, move forward, surprise yourself and have fun.

 

Fill out my online form.

15 Rules of Email Etiquette to Know Before You Hit Send

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A good email mantra to abide by is: never send something in an email that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the paper. It’s short, sweet and pretty self-explanatory. 

Still, there’s a lot to consider before hitting send on a work email, like the internal anxiety attack and threatening nausea that the mere thought commands, for example. To help with that, we’ve compiled a list of tips to help you perfect your email etiquette.  

1. Choose your email address wisely

Fact: true embarrassment lies in your first email address. Marketing manager, Kari Beaulieu, confesses, “My email address in high school was bubblychick860@yahoo.com.” Sadly, she says, “I still get emails from college-aged professionals who are using email addresses just like this.” Her advice: “If you’re interacting with a potential employer, use your school email address or create a Gmail account that’s as plain as possible—think just your first and last name. If that’s not available, try changing the order or throwing in your middle name.”

Your email address is more than likely the first thing your recipient reads, especially if this is a first-time interaction. Think of your email address in this situation as your interview suit: there’s no doubt that you’d want to make a memorable and professional first impression at a job interview, so you—of course—dress the part. Make sure your email address does the same. Besides, using the format that Beaulieu suggests gives you the added bonus of ensuring that your recipient knows your name right away—and that’s a major key.   

2. Create a concise subject line

Most professionals, if not all, decide whether or not an email is worth their time based on the subject line alone. That’s because most people already spend way too much time checking their email. The Huffington Post reports that the amount of time we spend checking email per week is actually equivalent to the number of hours it would take us to binge-watch the entire first season of Orange is the New Black (really, which would you rather do?).

When it comes to the subject line, keep it brief and keep it relevant (absolutely no one likes click bait!). Use logical key words that pertain directly to the content of your email. If this is an urgent message, indicate that in the subject line but avoid using all caps. 

Every email should have a subject line! Amanda Augustine, career advice expert, told Business Insider, “An email with a blank subject line will likely go unread or get lost in a cluttered inbox. Write the subject line before the email so you know it’s taken care of.” 

Not only is this important for obvious professional reasons, but it’s also a tremendous help when you (or your recipient) are searching through your inbox for a very specific email. If you included a subject line—and it was relevant—chances are that a quick key word search will generate the email you’re looking for.

3. Address your recipient by name

Be honest, you’ve probably sent an email addressed To Whom It May Concern at some point in your life. Though it might have saved you the trouble of having to call and ask for the appropriate contact (because, let’s face it, we’re all deathly afraid of actual phone conversations), this greeting comes across as lazy and impersonal. Even if you’re cold emailing a company for a job or some other business inquiry, it’s always a good idea to identify a direct and appropriate contact. If you’re having a hard time pinning down a name, try a LinkedIn search for the company to connect you to some of their employees.

Keep it formal, especially if this is your first encounter with the recipient. Refer to the person as Ms., Mr. or Dr. in your initial email—especially when referring to a superior. Ellen Lin, PR director at Ledbetter Inc., recommends letting the other person set the tone of the email. If they sign off with a first name or nickname in their reply, address them by this name in your follow-up emails. For example, if your recipient signs off as Alex, she may find it a little weird if you keep addressing her as Alexandra in your emails.

4. Introduce yourself

Lin adds that it’s important to introduce yourself briefly at the beginning of your email. “Don’t assume they know or remember you. If you’ve met before, remind them of the encounter. For example, after my greeting, I say, ‘It was great meeting you last fall at OSU’s college career fair. I enjoyed speaking with you about Ledbetter’s new interactive workout program and recently had a chance to try the Forever Fit Guide myself.’”

If you’ve never met them before, include an introductory line that clearly states your name and your position before writing anything else. An email relationship is not all that different from an in-person relationship. Be professional, but personable. 

5. Be courteous

Avoid excessive or aggressive punctuation, like exclamation points. These can be misinterpreted in an email because the recipient cannot see your facial expressions or body language, and they cannot hear your intended tone of voice. The same goes for typing in all caps.

Jodi Adler, author of How Dare You? Helpful Hints for Staying Sane in an Insane World, adds that in an email, “snark and sarcasm often lose their meaning, so unless you know a coworker well, leave the snark for happy hour.”

6. Be respectful of others’ time

You know all those sayings about time—how it’s fleeting and waits for no one, blah blah blah (time is obviously very obnoxious and a little self-indulgent)? Well, they’re true. So keep emails brief and to the point since most people receive dozens of them daily. A long, unorganized email is likely to be deleted without ever having been read.

Also, be mindful of other commitments your recipient may have when requesting urgent responses. It’s best to give them 48 hours to respond before following up if the situation is urgent; a week if it is not. Lastly, it is your responsibility to express gratitude for your recipient’s time and to respond to them in just as timely a manner. 

7. Pay attention to grammar and spelling

Relationship and etiquette expert, April Masini, says, “The attention you pay to an email translates to the attention you’ll pay to a relationship, whether it’s career-related or personal.”

Make sure you spell check—multiple times if it's an especially important email. Masini’s golden rule is: “If you’re sloppy with your spelling, you’re going to be sloppy elsewhere in life.” She also warns against emojis and text lingo: “Use words. It shows your ability to communicate.”

8. Don’t send emails while you're angry or emotional

“Just. Don’t,” says Janet Kornblum, a media training coach. “We’ve all done it: sent that ranting email. It felt great to get it off your chest. And then you thought about it or it came back to bite you.” Instead, she says, “If you need to write it, do it but don’t fill in the recipient line, lest you send it accidentally—angry emails only beget angrier responses.”

It’s kind of like that episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians when Kourtney’s therapist suggested that she compose her not-so-pleasant emails and text messages to ex-beau, Scott Disick, without actually sending them, as some type of cathartic release. Except, Kim accidentally sent one and ruined everything. Don’t be Kim.

9. Minimize calls to action

One email should have one call to action, that is, one request you are making of the recipient. CEO and Publicist, Erika Taylor Montgomery, says it’s important to make it clear if you need information from the recipient. “Because they can’t see you or read your body language, it’s important to try to reduce misunderstandings. Try ending the email by reiterating the question and a time by which you need a response, like ‘Can you please send me those details by Wednesday at 3 p.m.?’” Specifying a deadline, if applicable, will help your colleague prioritize their time—and is more likely to get you a timely response without the need to follow up regularly.

Unless necessary, avoid asking for too much per email; details may get lost and it can be overwhelming to see five different requests in an email.

Related: How To Write The Perfect Networking Email

10. Know when to use “Reply All”

This is a tricky one.

PR expert, Meredith Frazier, warns, “If there are multiple people looped in on an email, please, please, please make sure you hit ‘reply all’ on all correspondence. If people get cut out of email chains, even if it’s unintentional, it can cause some major headaches. If someone took the time to add people to an email, please hit reply all and keep ’em on there!”

But! Always pay attention to the list of people included in the email before replying all. Sometimes, office managers or other administrative personnel will send out mass emails requesting personal information in return (like your home address or office passwords, for example). This is definitely not the kind of information you want email blasted to every single person in your company.

11. CC with care

Marketing and social media expert, R.E. Beck, shares this memorable tidbit about copying others in an email, and we agree: “Remember the ‘three-way calling attack’ scene in Mean Girls? It applies to office email, too. Say you're having an email discussion with a coworker, and after a few messages you think it makes sense to loop in your boss. Before you add your boss' email to the CC line, give your coworker a chance to veto the idea. She was having a conversation with you—don’t unexpectedly share that conversation with a third party.”

12. To BCC or not to BCC—that is the question

BCC-ing someone on an email allows you to include that person in the recipient list, without other recipients knowing. It is especially helpful when sending mass emails to guest lists or college student bodies—situations in which it’s best to keep everyone’s email addresses confidential.

That being said, BCC is sometimes seen as the office equivalent of shade. As in the case of “Reply All,” use with caution and only when appropriate. 

13. Attach the document

No, really. Nothing is worse than sending an email referring to an attachment—that you forgot to attach. Ok, we lied. There is something worse: the follow-up email you’re forced to send, explaining your error.

Luckily, some email servers will alert you if there’s no attachment to an email in which you mentioned, “see attached.” Either way, always double check!

14. Sign off respectfully

There are lots of ways you can close a professional email. Any of the following will work just fine: “Best regards,” “Sincerely,” “Thank you,” or “Looking forward to hearing from you.” Your sign-off should reflect the organizational culture of your office. For example, in a more laid back or casual office, “Best Regards” might sound oddly formal. Simply “Best” or even, “Thanks,” might be sufficient.

Also, once you’ve emailed back and forth a few times (or if the conversation is ongoing), you may not need to sign off formally moving forward. If this is true of your situation, you can close the email by typing your first name or preferred nickname.  

15. Make sure your email signature is precise and professional

Career coach and social media expert, Carlota Zimmerman, says, “When I get emails from potential clients telling me they’re having a hard time finding a job, and under their signature are GIFs of '90s movies, three phone numbers, a backup email like catpersonxxx@gmail.com, and for good measure, an Ayn Rand quote, my immediate response is ‘Oh, ya think?’”

Ideally, your email signature should include your full name, job title, company’s name and website, office and cell numbers, and office location. If applicable (and professional), you may also include social media links, but only if the linked profiles are relevant to your job.

Note that your company may already have a standard signature format. If one is not provided during your onboarding process, ask your supervisor or peers for advice. The standard signature is often customizable; you can adjust your contact numbers (which is especially useful if you rely more on your mobile phone than on an office phone), and sometimes even the social media links. It’s advisable to check with your supervisor before making any changes to the standard signature, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Better to be safe than sorry.

The art of the professional email is complicated. There’s a lot to consider—like tone, language and timing—and different industries call for different levels of professionalism. But just like it’s better to be overdressed than undressed, it’s better to err on the side of formality when you’re uncertain about an email. Your recipient will respect that you took the time to compose a concise and considerate message. 

Liam Hemsworth Confirms His Relationship With Miley Cyrus In The Most Cryptic Way

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With the number of rumors that have emerged about Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus's possible reconciliation, it’s safe to say that the American “Wrecking Ball” singer and the Australian Hunger Games actor are reigniting the flame. From their rendezvous to Australia to that rock that's been spotted on Miley's finger to the not-so-subtle Instagram posts, the duo appears to be spending quality time together as they make plans for the future.

Liam briefly addressed the topic of his whirlwind romance with Miley during an interview with GQ Australia: “People will figure it out, they already have... They’re not dumb.” We don't know about you, but this sounds like a confirmation, no?

As for why they broke up in the first place, he told the publication, “We were going in different directions and it’s just what needed to happen.” With regards to his current relationship status with Miley, the Last Song co-star chose not to clarify whether or not the engagement is back on, or if the couple has just reinstated a relationship: “I make my decisions about what’s going to make me happy, what I think is right and what I want to do—I don’t worry too much outside of that.”

Sounds like a pretty good life philosophy... but it doesn't mean we don't want to know details!

7 Life Hacks Every Busy Girl Should Know

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For those mornings when nothing is going right and your busy life is getting ahead of you, these life hacks will come in handy. You'll be able to manage your schedule a lot easier with these tips and tricks in your arsenal.

1. Dry your hair with a cotton T-shirt

We all know how time consuming blow drying your hair can be, and towel drying leaves your hair way too frizzy. The cotton T-shirt method absorbs more water from your hair than a towel, and it prevents frizziness. 

2. Use your flat iron as an iron 

There is never any time in the morning to plug in the iron and take out the ironing board. Your flat iron is most likely already plugged in and can easily be used to take out any wrinkles—after you do your hair, of course.

3. Break in your work flats in under 5 minutes

A new pair of flats is perfect for that summer job; however, the typical busy girl does not have time to break them in. And she is trying to avoid blisters at all costs. This hack will have your new flats broken in and ready to wear in under five minutes. 

4. Quickly chill a bottle of wine…or any other beverage

Guests coming over in five and none of your drinks are chilled? No worries, this hack has you covered for all your big events!

5. Plan your day out with this cute planner

Day planners are a busy girl's best friend. This planner is so cute because it is a DIY—meaning you can customize it any way you'd like. There is no chance anyone will have the same planner as you.

6. Meal prep, meal prep, meal prep

This is so important. We have all had that moment when our busy schedules take time away from us sitting and having a meal during the day. Every busy girl needs a proper three meals a day, and making yours ahead of time is going to save you a minute to actually eat them.

7. Learn to take a breath 

The best hack for when life gets busy and you feel like you have no control is to take a deep breath. Breathing helps relax the mind, and it is super helpful for when your schedule gets busy. 


How to Hook Up Without Getting Hurt

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No doubt about it, collegiettes everywhere are embracing the hook-up culture and have gotten familiar with the rules on how to participate in it the “right” way. Do hook up for pleasure and excitement, to explore your sexuality and because you want to. Don’t hook up to feel better about yourself, to try to make your partner like you or because you feel like you should. Easy enough, right? Place the emphasis on pleasure and empowerment, and collegiettes everywhere should be having positive hook-up after positive hook-up.

Unfortunately, that attitude isn’t so simple when study after study shows that more often than not, hooking up can leave women saddled with negative mental side effects, like feeling insecure, used or unwanted. But even though the odds might be stacked against women when it comes to happy hook-ups, that doesn’t mean we’re doomed.

Knowing and embracing why hook-ups can leave women feeling crappy is the first step to reversing the curse. Satisfying hook-ups are totally possible; they just take more than the right motivation and a sex-positive attitude, so read on to find out the things you need to keep in mind in order to have hook-ups you can feel great about.

Think Before You Do

The biggest key to ensuring a hook-up that will leave you feeling good is to self-assess. That may sound boring – who wants to do homework before getting down and dirty? – but there are important factors that can make or break a hook-up before even, well, hooking up.

According to Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, sex researcher and creator of The Casual Sex Project, knowing yourself is key. Your well-being prospers when your behavior is consistent with your true desires, attitudes, values and beliefs. The same, she says, holds true for casual sex.

“When people had casual sex for the right reasons—because they really wanted it—and with full approval of it, their well-being was unchanged or actually improved compared to not having casual sex,” Dr. Vrangalova says. “But when people had casual sex for the wrong reasons—like peer pressure, hoping it was more than casual sex or getting drunk—or when it went against their morals [or] views, their well-being suffered.”

Dr. Vrangalova says there are also several personal things to consider before determining if hooking up is right for you. She suggests evaluating yourself before setting out to hook up, taking into consideration your motivations for hooking up, how easily you get and stay aroused, how easily you get attached to sexual partners and how good you are at communicating your desires.

Hook-Up Sex Doesn’t Have to Equal Unsatisfying Sex

Plain and simple, a reason why a hook-up might leave you feeling mentally poor is because a hook-up left you feeling physically poor. How can a girl expect to feel happy after a hook-up if it wasn’t any good during, either? And unfortunately, dissatisfaction from hook-ups is all too common for women.

In a study presented at the 2013 International Academy of Sex Research, researchers found that out of 600 college students, women were twice as likely to orgasm during sex in serious relationships as they were during casual hook-ups.

One possible explanation for this is that orgasms are the result of communication, and it is much easier to tell a long-term partner exactly how to please you than it is to tell a stranger. Not to mention, alcohol is often a factor in college hook-ups, and drunk sex can be sloppy sex (not exactly an equation for pleasure).

But that doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to feeling dissatisfied just because it’s a casual encounter. Speaking up for your pleasure has its place in hook-ups, not just long-term relationships. Go into your hook-ups planning to communicate. Ask for what feels good and speak up about what doesn’t—and don’t forget that you’re never too far into a hook-up to change your mind if you decide it’s not working for you.

Learn to Spot a Good Hook-Up Buddy

We get it—a lot of the time, the point of a hook-up is to have a random, one-time fling, but not all hook-up candidates are created equal. You should seek out a partner who will leave you feeling appreciated and secure. No one says your one-night stand has to be dating material, but according to Dr. Vrangalova, there are certain boys who are more likely to make you feel insecure or used after a hook-up, and those are the ones to avoid.

How do you spot them? While seeking casual encounters, you’re most likely to run into what Dr. Vrangalova calls “unrestricted men”—men who are very interested in casual sex. Unrestricted men aren’t necessarily the men you should be avoiding, though; it is unrestricted men who also happen to be narcissistic, manipulative, coercive and sexist.

“Detecting these [men] is not that difficult,” Dr. Vrangalova says. “First, stay away from the frat boys and varsity athletes. Sexist and slut-shaming men congregate in these environments more than any other college environment. Second, talk to them for a bit and see what their values about gender roles are. Do they love and respect all women, or do they only respect the virginal ones they are going to marry, but not the wild ones they only want to have sex with?”

Doesn’t sound like good foreplay conversation? It’s easier than it sounds. Just pay attention to how he discusses other girls around you. If he’s not respectful now, he’s not going to be in bed, either.

Remember the Risk of Attachment

Sure, the myth that women get clingy after sex might feel old and tired – just watch any romantic comedy — but unfortunately, it’s also backed by science. During sexual intercourse, the female brain releases a hormone called oxytocin. Sometimes known as the attachment hormone, oxytocin can induce feelings of love and closeness, so even if you had no romantic interest in your hook-up, your body might trick you into thinking that you do. Unwanted feelings of attachment could lead to feeling rejected if a hook-up doesn’t lead to anything more, one reason why you might mistake your hook-up as a negative experience.

Katie*, a senior at Vassar College who hooks up frequently, says that college girls should keep this biological reaction in mind and not let it color their perceptions.

“I had to learn to give myself a few days after hooking up to cool it,” she says. “After a good experience, I’d have to remind myself what it was I really wanted from the hook-up, and that wasn’t for the guy to call me the next day.”

Dr. Vrangalova says other ways to curb your body’s instinct to attach is to avoid contacting your hook-up or talking about him with your friends for a few days — and don’t even think about Facebook-stalking him. If resisting that urge is difficult, she also suggests listing the red flags you see in him that would make him a less-than-ideal long-term partner to remind yourself why he’s much better as a hook-up.

Safeguard Yourself Against Stigma

Unfortunately, your hook-ups – no matter how appropriately motivated or awesomely executed – don’t exist in a vacuum. Society might be moving in the right direction, but there is still very much a stigma surrounding women who enjoy active sex lives.

As much as sex-positive collegiettes want to dismiss these ignorant attitudes, there’s no denying that facing insult and judgment from others can totally put a damper on an otherwise positive experience. So how can you fight the stigma? 

There’s no shortcut for changing society, but you can surround yourself with the right people who will support your right to do what you want with your body.

“If you're a girl who likes to hook up with some regularity, I have three pieces of advice,” says Dr. Vrangalova. “One, make sure you have at least some friends who are not judgmental of your behavior. Two, try to hook up with guys who will be respectful about your interest in casual sex and won't slut-shame you. Three, be as discreet about your exploits as you need to be given your social environment.”

Hooking up happily and healthily isn’t just about you, your partner or the society you’re a part of, but rather, finding harmony between all three. Assessing your needs and motivations, communicating with your partner and being aware of problems that still exist in society is the perfect formula for feeling great about your hook-ups, both during and after. 

Now, who says hooking up isn’t for women?

*Name has been changed.

This Big-Time Producer Has a Pretty Sexist Outlook On Women

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It’s not a secret that discrimination and antiquated sexist views continue to run rampant in Hollywood. Just ask Michael Bay, Pearl Harbor’s director and producer. The talented Kate Beckinsale, who starred in the action-packed movie alongside Ben Affleck and Josh Harnett, recalls the kind of comments Bay made to the media throughout the film's promotional tour during her interview on The Graham Norton Show.

"When we were promoting the film, Michael was asked why he had chosen Ben and Josh, and he said, 'I have worked with Ben before and I love him, and Josh is so manly and a wonderful actor.' Then, when he asked about me, he'd say, 'Kate wasn't so attractive that she would alienate the female audience.' He kept saying it everywhere we went, and we went to a lot of places," the actress remarked. 

This outlook on women isn't just a one-time thing, either. He said similar things about another Kate—Kate Winslet. "I didn't want someone who was too beautiful. Women feel disturbed when they see someone's too pretty," Bay mansplained in a 2001 interview with Movieline. "I'm not saying Kate's not pretty. When you look at Titanic, Kate Winslet is pretty, but not overwhelmingly beautiful. That makes it work better for women. Our Kate is very funny, could hang with the guys. She's not so neurotic about everything, like some actresses. She was solid and I think the three of them had some really nice chemistry." 

In one quote, he manages to both insult Winslet's appearance, as well as perpetuate the stereotype of women being "neurotic." Okay. Maybe next time let's talk about their insane talents instead?

You Can Now Live in the House From 'Full House'

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If you grew up watching Full House, there was probably one point in your life when you wished you could live with the Tanner family and get in on all the hilarious hijinx. Now, 11 years after the final episode of the series aired, your childhood dreams can come true: the Tanner family residence is up for sale

Built in 1900, the traditional Victorian home has three bedrooms and four baths. The house was previously sold in 2006 for $1,850,000. Now, the house is listed for a whopping $4,150,000!

The interior looks nothing like Full House fans would expect. That's because for the original series they shot most of the show on a soundstage; this home was only used for the opening credits and exterior shots. And for Fuller House, now in the process of filming for season 2, the crew built an exact replica of the home. Neat, huh?

What Your Power Shoe Is, Based on Your Zodiac Sign

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The fierce and fabulous Marilyn Monroe once said, “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” We know you’re totally going to conquer the world, so now you just need the right shoes. Based on your zodiac sign, we’ve found the best pair for you!

Aquarius: Combat boots

Nothing says femme fatale like combat boots. The Aquarius woman isn’t interested in playing around. “I would take on the world in my Doc Martens!" says Ariel Vaisbort, a junior at Western University. "They’re badass and they make me feel like I can get shit done."

The Aquarius girl is unconcerned with what others think of her, wearing combat boots (like this pair of Doc Martens) like an expressive armor: tough and statement-making. We need a pair ASAP.

Pisces: Nude heels

A wise girl like you needs a nude heel. Being artistic, you need a shoe that isn’t going to mess with your beautifully curated outfit. Easygoing and versatile, the nude heel is the Pisces woman’s perfect power shoe.

Aries: Gladiator sandals

A bold personality like yours needs a bold shoe to match, and there are few shoes as daring as the gladiator sandal. You’ve got confidence to kill for and you like to take risks with your style. In a gladiator sandal (like this pair from Target), you’ll feel liberated and strong. It’s a shoe fit for a warrior, just like you! 

Related: Who Your Festival Fashion Icon is, According to Your Zodiac Sign

Taurus: Sneakers

Practical and patient, the Taurus girl needs a shoe that will allow her to be comfortable and in control. She wants a shoe that she can run in and run the world in. Sneakers are all of that, plus they come in all sorts of different colors and designs, so the options are endless. We like this classic Adidas pair. Like they say, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Gemini: Strappy heels

The Gemini woman is the epitome of sexy cool, so she needs a shoe that is on her level. The strappy heel is super on-trend right now. For the adventurous, irresistible and strong Gemini, these shoes are the Holy Grail.

Cancer: Oxfords

If there is anything to be said about your style, it’s that you like to be comfortable. But Cancer also happens to be one of the most romantic signs. Pair comfort with old-world romance and ta-da: oxfords. They’re flats so they’re easy to walk in, but they also make an outfit look polished and pulled together. Cancer ladies will love the ’50s charm of these brogues.   

Leo: Wedges

You are laid-back yet productive, so a wedge is your power shoe. Typically more comfortable than straight-up heels, but more assertive than flats, the wedge is the perfect balance for you. And the best part is that there are a ton of different styles (we like these black booties by TOMS) to keep up with your ever-changing style.

Virgo: Ballet flats

Classy and comfy, ballet flats are the ideal shoe for the practical Virgo girl. Ballet flats are a stylish shoe that also allows you to get work done without pain. They look good, they feel good, and you can dress them up or down, so they go with pretty much everything. Whether you’re just going to class in jeans or to your internship in a skirt, your shoes will always be ready to rock, and so will you!

Related: How to Style Your Leggings, Based on Your Zodiac Sign 

Libra: Block heels

Block heels say sophisticated but not too formal, and practical but not boring. These shoes are refined, just like you. With your social spirit, you know how to work a room; block heels can keep up with all of your mingling without hurting your feet. You’ll be the classiest queen in the room.

Scorpio: Stilettos

It takes a dedicated woman to rock stilettos. Naturally, you’re that kind of person. Passionate and brave, if you can’t work some stilettos, then girl, we don’t know who can. Your wild heart and spontaneous spirit make you a dangerous woman, for sure. We can’t think of anything more powerful than that confidence.

Sagittarius: Mountain boots

As far as we’re concerned, these are the best shoes for world travel. The Sagittarius spirit is known to be a wandering one, so you need a shoe that can stand up to your globetrotting (or dreams thereof). The durability of mountain boots allows your spontaneous side to come out in full effect, and no matter where you go, you don’t have to worry about whether your shoes can handle it or not. If travel equals knowledge, and knowledge equals power, than mountain boots are undoubtedly your power shoe.

Capricorn: Black pumps

Capricorn women are productive AF, so you need a shoe that will make you look and feel both polished and efficient. Enter: black pumps (like this pair from Macy's). Since they’re black, they’ll go with anything, whether for work or play. 

“The ‘click, click, click’ of heels makes me really happy,” Natalie Pistone, sophomore at Maryville University says. Plus, who doesn’t feel like a classy lady and a BO$$ in black heels?

You can rock classic-chic like Capricorn or ancient strength like Aries. Real talk, though, you can take the world by storm in any shoe. And if that’s not powerful, then we don’t know what is.

Everything You Should Know About Amber Heard & Johnny Depp's Divorce

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It’s been a week since Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp, and the media firestorm is only continuing to grow. Despite citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ in her divorce papers, it seems like the reasons behind the couple’s sudden divorce are much darker and more complicated than anyone initially expected. Here’s what we know about the split so far:

After Heard was photographed with a black eye and granted a temporary restraining order against Depp, the world began to wonder what really went on during the couple’s 15-month marriage. 

According to court filings, Heard, 30, accused Depp of domestic abuse and cited an incident last Saturday night, during which Depp reportedly pulled her hair, hit her with a cell phone and screamed at her. 

"During the entirety of our relationship, Johnny has been verbally and physically abusive to me," Heard alleged. 

According to court documents acquired by People Magazine, the actress recalled a night when the abuse was so severe that Heard suffered a black eye and the police were called to the couple’s house.  

Heard claimed that she was with friends in the couple’s LA apartment on May 21, when Depp arrived and heard the conversation move to his mother’s recent passing. According to the documents, Heard said her husband became “extremely angry” and “began obsessing about something that was untrue.”

The actress then claims that she began calling a friend when Depp allegedly took hold of the phone and began yelling at Heard. “Johnny then grabbed the cellphone, wound up his arm like a baseball pitcher and threw the cellphone at me striking my cheek and eye with great force,” Heard said. She went on to say that Depp “charged” at her and pulled her hair while she called for help. "Johnny continued screaming at me, pulling my hair, striking me and violently grabbing my face," Heard said. 

The actress said the events only stopped once a neighbor entered the apartment and Depp left their home, “smashing everything he could” with a wine bottle. The neighbor and friend of Heard’s also recalled the incident in court filings, claiming the actor screamed at her and "slapped my hands away” during the night in question. 

According to TMZ, however, when police arrived on the scene, they found no evidence of physical injuries on Heard. The website released photos of the police notes and of Heard seemingly enjoying herself with friends the following day. Comedian Doug Stanhope, a friend of Depp's, wrote a column for The Wrap, accusing Heard of "blackmailing" her soon-to-be ex-husband. "We have watched Amber Heard f— with him at his weakest — or watched him at his weakest from being f—ed with — for the entire time we’ve known him," Stanhope wrote. He also added that Depp was with him the night of the alleged attack, during which Depp was supposedly aware of the accusations Heard was planning on making against him.

Despite silence from Depp directly, the actor’s lawyer filed a response claiming Heard was accusing her husband of abuse in order to benefit financially. 

"Amber is attempting to secure a premature financial resolution by alleging abuse," Depp’s lawyer said, according to court documents. 

While Depp has not yet been ordered to pay Heard any money, he has temporarily been ordered to stay 100 yards away from her and to refrain from using the couple’s shared apartment. 

After the allegations were made, many of Depp’s family members and friends publicly came to his defense, including his former wife and mother of his children, Vanessa Paridis.

In a letter shared with TMZ, Paridis showed unwavering support for the father of her children. 

"Johnny Depp... is a sensitive, loving and loved person, and I believe in all my heart that these recent allegations being made are outrageous," she wrote. "In all the years I have known Johnny, he has never been physically abusive with me…"

Lily-Rose Depp, the actor’s daughter, also showed she was standing by her father in two Instagram posts. 

With these rumors of abuse, many have begun pointing to some of Depp's past relationships. In a 2010 interview, Winona Ryder said, in reference to Depp, “I remember my first boyfriend used to smash everything—at 18 everything is dramatic.” And all the way back in 1994, Depp was involved in a conflict with his then-girlfriend, Kate Moss; it was a fight loud enough to prompt the hotel guest next door to report the incident.

Support for Heard has paled in comparison to the famous faces in Depp’s corner. As someone who has experienced domestic abuse, I feel inclined to take the allegations that have been made against Depp very seriously. It is difficult to understand why someone would be motivated to fake bruises, stage the scene of an assault, call the police under false pretenses, and fabricate detailed accounts of abuse, especially knowing that they would have to face the public backlash of accusing a beloved celebrity. Understanding what someone in her position may have faced, it is incredibly discouraging to see Heard’s abuse allegations being invalidated. Of course, while no blame should be passed until any party has been proven guilty, the media still has an obligation to take cases of domestic violence seriously in order to give validity to all survivors of domestic abuse. 

In this particular incident, Heard’s allegations have yet to be confirmed or denied in court, and Depp could very well be innocent. While the truth is still unknown about what occurred during the couple’s marriage, we can only hope that both parties can soon find peace and move forward.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, you can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) toll-free 24/7.

An Open Letter to the Boy Who Sexually Assaulted My Best Friend

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My head is pounding.

My heart is pounding.

I can feel the blood pulsing in the tips of my fingers.

 

I am angry.

I am sad.

I am worried.

 

And this is all because of you.

 

You did not have an ounce of respect for her.

You did not listen to her.

You did not care about her.

You were okay with violating her.

You were okay with hurting her.

And even today, you are okay.

This will never affect you like it has affected her.

 

You ignored her no’s and her not tonight’s.

You even ignored her stop it’s and I don’t want to’s.

Because clearly her drunken state wasn’t enough to stop you.

 

So you waited until she was asleep so that you could do what you pleased to her.

You left her in that bed, alone.

And when she woke up, her shirt was missing. Her pants were missing. And there was a part of her that is now missing too.

 

And this is all because of you.

 

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know why you thought that what you did was okay to do.

I will never know what she was like before. Was she less guarded? Was she more trusting? Was she happier?

It took her years to tell anyone. She has kept this to herself. She has lived with this. She has struggled with this.

 

And this is all because of you.

 

She isn’t ruined. She isn’t damaged goods. She is beautiful and wonderful and full of life.

But she is hurt. She has been hurting. She is angry and sad and scared.

 

But it brings me great joy to know that she is a better person than you will ever be.

And I am so proud of her.

Proud of her for making it through every day.

Proud of her for telling me about what happened.

Proud of her for letting herself feel vulnerable, even when it scares her the most.

Proud of her for not letting you dictate the rest of her life.

For being not only one who survives, but one who thrives.

For being the best friend I could ever ask for.

 

And that is not because of you.

Quiz: Which Season of Rory Gilmore Are You?

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Rory goes through a lot of evolutions, but don't we all? Take our quiz and find out which season of Rory Gilmore you're most like! 

 

10 Thoughts You Have On the First Day of a New Job

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Starting a new job as a post-collegiette is always tough, especially if it’s your first one. You don’t know anyone at the company and you’re thrown into learning a lot very quickly—and it’s nothing like college. In the real world, you don’t have orientation icebreakers or bonding games. Your first day will be a blur of names and figuring out the floor plan. It would be great to flash forward a month to when you’re settled in, have made a few friends, and know your job and your role in the company, but unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. Here are the thoughts that every girl has on the first day of a new job (so you can be prepared):

1. Who do I eat with?

Because crunching on a bag of potato chips alone in a cubicle doesn’t sound fun.

2. Where is the closest bathroom?

Um, this is kind of urgent.

3. How do I make friends?

Where is my work BFF?!

4. What’s your name again?

I wonder how long I can get away with not using names…

5. Is it bad that I think my co-worker is really cute?

Let me double check what the employee handbook says about office relationships.

6. I have no idea what I’m doing…

Send help.

7. When is IT coming?!

I’ve only been waiting for my network password for two hours.

8. Can I go home yet?

9. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?

10. Phew. You made it! And it wasn’t so bad... was it? 

5 Times 'The Bachelorette' Gave You Major Secondhand Embarrassment

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Embarrassing moments are a dime a dozen on The Bachelorette, but something about last night's episode had us feeling embarrassed on behalf of JoJo's suitors. These five moments in particular were especially cringe-worthy.

1. When the boys sang songs about JoJo to kill time

Needless to say, Chad was not amused.

2. When Chad ate all the lunch meat he could find

...and then ate more...



3. When Chad and Daniel wore matching outfits


Nothing like some good male bonding. Budding bromance, anyone?

4. When Wells almost passed out

And then we had to watch him lose the date challenge to (actual) firefighter Grant—plus get the group date rose, probably because JoJo felt bad about what she put him through.

5. When we heard the worst attempt at an insult ever

Good one, bro.

17 Times You Forgot JoJo is Trying to Find Love on 'The Bachelorette'

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This week’s episode of The Bachelorette was both confusing and mind-blowing. So much yet so little was happening that we didn’t quite know where to look. We even forgot that JoJo is trying to find love on this show during these 17 moments.

1. Every time she said she wanted to find a love like Ben and Lauren’s

If we know one thing, it’s that JoJo does not admire Ben and Lauren’s love. In fact, she is SO over hearing anything about it.

2. When that limo exploded before our very eyes

That thing was big enough to house a family of raccoons. But no, they just had to blow it up.

3. When Daniel mentioned pulling hose back home

What? Thank goodness that’s one of the few things he said in this episode.

4. Every time someone said “hot date”

We get it. FIRE.

5. When Wells moved on to the next round of the fire competition despite his failings as a fake firefighter

Surely there was someone better than him to advance to third place.

6. When Grant won the fire competition

But hey, what does he know? He’s just an actual firefighter.

7. When Derek and JoJo went on that super confusing choose-your-own-adventure date

We were so distracted by all the choices we had no part in making that we couldn’t concentrate on the “couple” in front of us.

8. When JoJo detailed her past relationship to Derek…even though it played out on national television

“Let me just tell you a little bit about my last relationship…” *fast forwards*

9. Every time we remembered Pam

When you look that much like Jim Halpert, we can’t help but wonder why you’re cheating on Pam.

10. Every. Single. Second. of Chad and Daniel hanging out together in matching tank tops

That is just what this house needs—for those two to become friends. Do you think Daniel was like, “Pretty sure this guy is the villain. Better latch on for camera time because I’m running out of totally unfunny jokes.”

11. When Chad’s real talk helped us realize we haven’t always known JoJo, even though it may feel like we have

It’s hard to remember a time when we didn’t know JoJo, but Chad really put it in perspective for us.

12. When whatever that stupid ESPN competition was happened

Sure, it was hilarious to watch. But we were majorly confused the whole time, and it in no way indicated who JoJo should end up with. (see item 13)

13. When James Taylor was ranked number one by those ESPN guys

Not sure what it means, but it just can’t be accurate. Even worse, Chad was ranked number two. What is with these dudes?

14. Every time JoJo thanked one of the guys for kissing her

Props to JoJo for being polite, but this doesn’t seem like the sexiest response to a smooch.

15. When Chad ate that plate of luncheon meat like it was the last food on the planet

Where did he get the luncheon meat? We’ve never actually seen someone eat food on camera on this show, which is probably why the men in the house have targeted him.

16. When the guys kept trying to confront Chad but they totally weren’t prepared

You need to get on his level if you’re looking to throw down.

17. Really just the whole episode

Ugh, can we get back to the part where JoJo falls for one of these charming fellas?

6 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who's Asexual

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To put it simply, those who identify as asexual typically do not experience sexual attraction (in most cases). The term “asexuality” tends to bring about false assumptions and lead to people making offensive comments, even if they don’t realize it. It’s important to educate yourself about what falls under the umbrella term of “asexual,” especially if you know someone who identifies on the asexual spectrum. Keep in mind the following things and similar comments you should NOT say to an asexual person.

1. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with sexual attraction”

While this may be said with good intentions, it actually erases all of the struggles that asexuals face. Heather Milne, an associate professor at the University of Winnipeg who teaches queer theory, says comments like these are problematic because the person saying them doesn’t necessarily know whether the person they are talking to has struggled with their sexual identity or with labels. “It assumes that being asexual is easier than being sexual, which is not necessarily true,” Milne says.

In fact, Hannah*, a sophomore at the University of Iowa, says that asexuals have unique struggles even when compared to other queer sexualities. “It’s a very subtle kind of struggle because our society emphasizes relationships and sex so much,” Hannah says. “It’s hard to watch your friends pair up with each other and wonder if you can ever have that kind of close relationship with anyone if you don’t actively want sex.” To label asexuals like Hannah as “lucky” is completely unfair.

2. “Asexuality isn’t a real thing” 

According to Milne (and basic sensitivity), saying this negates asexuality as an identity. “[It] assumes that under the ‘right’ circumstances, the person can become sexual,” she says. “[It] also assumes that somehow becoming a ‘sexual’ person should be the goal when in fact the person could be very happy and fulfilled just as they are.” There's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual, so don't ever imply that.

3. "I can change your mind"

Saying this also negates asexuality, but it's offensive for a couple of different reasons, too. For one, it assumes that as humans we must be coupled up to be happy which is not the case for everyone, says Christina Spaccavento, a relationship and sex expert. This is clearly not the case at all.

Saying things like this also show a lack of education regarding asexuality. Tara*, a senior at Winthrop University, wants people to know that asexuality is not a choice and it definitely isn’t affected by outside influences. Treating people as though their sexual orientation is a phase or something they can grow or be persuaded out of is not only problematic, but extremely disrespectful.

Related: 7 Misconceptions About the Queer Community

4. “You’re just afraid to get close to other people”

This essentially invalidates any sort of relationship that doesn’t involve sex. “[It] assumes that asexual people are incapable of intimacy,” Milne says. “This is not necessarily true.” Hannah finds that this sort of talk negates any kind of loving relationship she might have. “Sex is only one piece of the loving-other-people puzzle,” she says. 

It’s also perfectly normal for asexuals to experience romantic, and sometimes sexual, attraction. "Remember that sexual identity and how each individual interprets their own sexuality will vary according to that individual," Spaccavento says. "So when we talk about asexuality we need to understand that it will mean something different to each person."

5. “So you’ve never been turned on?”

Questions like these that cast doubt upon asexuality may not be intended to be offensive, but they can be. Just because a person identifies as asexual does not mean that they have never experienced arousal or even an orgasm before. “For example, there are asexual people who can watch a movie with a sex scene and be turned on, but disassociate from the actions in regards to their own lives,” Tara says.

Jena*, a senior at Emerson College, says that detaching the stigma from asexuals and arousal is important. “You don’t ‘un-become’ an asexual if you get turned on, or even if you want to be turned on,” she says. It’s not anyone’s job to classify someone’s sexual orientation.

6. “So you want to be alone for the rest of your life?”

Even if it isn’t said as bluntly as this, implying that an asexual person will never find a girlfriend or boyfriend for the rest of their life is extremely disrespectful (and just rude in general). “It’s scary to think that I (very plausibly) might be alone for the rest of my life,” Hannah says. “And when you aren’t attracted to anyone it’s hard to know where to even start to find that kind of relationship.”Adding into the false assumption that nobody wants to be with an asexual person is completely unnecessary.

The most important thing to remember regarding asexuality is that there’s a lot of variety within the community—meaning that every individual defines their sexual orientation differently. Even if you’re well-intentioned, there are certain things, like we’ve included, that are just downright offensive. The best thing to do is educate yourself, and show your support.

*Names have been changed

People Are Blaming Boy's Mother in Gorilla's Death at Cincinnati Zoo

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When a 4-year-old boy climbed into the gorilla exhibit in the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden last week, chaos broke out. The 17-year-old gorilla, Harambe, approached the boy, and as screams and calls to 911 were heard from onlookers, he dragged the boy through the water of his exhibit. Because of the gorilla's actions, the zoo decided they needed to do something. However, rather than tranquilizing him, they chose to shoot him with a rifle as a quick response to the terrifying situation.

The young boy was taken to Cincinnati Children's Hospital with non-life threatening injuries. Thane Maynard, Cincinnati Zoo Director, told CNN, "It's a sad day all the way around," a statement that is especially true because the Harambe was a Western Lowland Gorilla, a critically endangered species. He was being kept at the zoo in hopes that he could father other gorillas at a later point in his life, expanding their population.

The zoo has tried to explain that the reason they needed to kill Harambe the way they did was because the boy was in danger, which apparently gave their Dangerous Animal Response Team no other choice but to shoot him. As the gorilla weighed 450 pounds, it was highly likely tranquilizers could not have acted fast enough to save the boy and the dart used could agitate Harambe even more. Maynard said in a statement on Facebook, "We are heartbroken about losing Harambe, but a child's life was in danger and a quick decision had to be made."

 

"It is important to note that with the child still in the exhibit, tranquilizing the 450-pound gorilla was not an option. Tranquilizers do not take effect for several minutes and the child was in imminent danger," the post read.

In comments following the statement, some members of the public are outraged at the reaction the zoo had to this incident. Rather than blaming Harambe, they argue, they should be blaming the boy's parents. The anger has spread to other modes of social media, including Twitter, where some people showed particularly strong opinions on Harambe's death.


 


Now, a petition has even been created to put blame on the parents instead of Harambe, and people are beginning to protest outside of the zoo.


Kim O'Connor, a woman who witnessed the incident, told Cincinnati's news channel WLWT5, "I don't know if the screaming did it or too many people hanging on the edge, if he thought we were coming in, but then he pulled the boy down away further from the big group." Gorillas like Harambe have shown that they will protect humans like this 4-year-old the same way they would protect their own small family members, but in such a scary and intense situation it was likely hard to tell if Harambe was trying to hurt or help the little boy.

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