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7 Outfits that Were Basically Made to Watch Netflix In

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As a collegiette, you're constantly bombarded with "helpful" style articles that provide suggestions for office-appropriate outfits and interview-appropriate ensembles. Let's be real, girls. While we love the professional tips (we know we need them!), on the average day, are we really dressing to impress? Here's some outfit inspo you can utilize all day, every day. Appropriate for snuggle seshes, lazy lounging, and endless binge-watching, these looks gaurantee you'll be comfy and adorable—just in case you decide to share your popcorn and sofa with a snuggle buddy (or are just taking Snapchat selfies).

1. Florals and Frills


Loungewear #7
 

Blue tank top
victoriassecret.com

 

 

 

 

Abercrombie & Fitch socks
abercrombie.com

 

 

 

Thought you left behind those beloved frilly socks in kindergarten? Think again. And paired with a super soft tank, yoga shorties, and an adorable floral headband? We're in.

2. Sleepy Stripes


Loungewear #6
 

 

J.Crew lightweight pants
$99 - jcrew.com

 

 

 

Contrasting stripes are in, but if you're nervous to wear the look to work, try a test run in a practically-PJs ensemble from the comfort of your favorite living room recliner. 

3. Beachy and Blanketed


Loungewear #5
 

Rompers are the ultimate loungewear. They're ridiculously cozy and yet still stylish. While we aren't sure how they do it, we definitely won't question the magic behind them! Achieve a look that can transition from bean-bag chair to beach with the addition of a shawl (that doubles as a wearable blanket—yes please) and flip-flops with a bit of comforting fuzz.

4. Run-Ready (Or Not)


Loungewear #4
 

 

 

NIKE multi color shoes
$41 - farfetch.com

 

 

Leggings, tees, and slides? If anyone asks, you just got back from the gym (wink wink).

5. Preppy Pullovers


Loungewear #3
 

Black long sleeve t shirt
victoriassecret.com

 

 

Calypso St Barth clothing
calypsostbarth.com

 

 

 

France luxe headband
nordstromrack.com

 

 

You'll look anything but sloppy in silk or linen shorts, a preppy, striped pullover, and on-trend moccasins. Throw your hair up in the perfect messy bun with a lovely bow or patterned hair ties and look like a living Christmas present as you snuggle up on the couch. 

6. Slippered and Sporty


Loungewear #1
 

This look's got the perfect beachy vibe to take you from the sofa to a summertime stroll down the street with your dog.

7. Comfort in Disguise


Loungewear #2
 

Madewell dress
madewell.com

 

 

Reef arch support shoes
ambushboardco.com

 

 

Have somewhere to be, but want to sneak in a quick episode beforehand (Netflix DID ask if you were still watching...)? We completely understand—how else will you finish the season before summer's end? Try a tee dress, which is basically a fashionable excuse to not wear pants.  

Now get in bed, grab some snacks, and relax in an outfit you'll actually enjoy wearing. No pants? No problem.


5 Ways Your Friendships Might Be Unhealthy

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Your friends are your rock; you can always count on them for a good laugh or a shoulder to cry on. You’d be lost without them, right? Well, not necessarily. Your friendships could actually be hurting you and your health much more than you might think. Some friends might be unhappy or unhealthy themselves, but you shouldn’t be afraid to move on from friends who are just plain bad news for your health. We asked collegiettes to share their bad friendship experiences, and we checked in with experts to make sense of these situations and help you (and your friend!) through some sticky situations.

1. Their unhealthy habits influence you

The situation

You probably have a lot in common with your friends; that's why you’re friends in the first place! Even if you don't like some of the things your friend does, spending time with her might make her habits rub off on you. This can be a great thing, an opportunity to grow and evolve – unless her habits have the potential to hurt you.

“Drinking or eating too much, smoking, spending too much are bad habits that can rub off from a friend,” says Irene S. Levine, PhD, psychologist, friendship expert and producer of The Friendship Blog. “When you see someone doing something to excess, it can make you lose your perspective and act the same way.”

Samantha*, a senior collegiette, is all too familiar with this situation. “I've had some friends with unhealthy body image/eating habits. It's very easy for those behaviors to rub off on me,” she says. “Although I love my friends, I can't handle the constant negativity and bizarre eating habits. I have to distance myself and remember that I can't allow myself to fall into that trap.”

Why it happens

We’re strong, ambitious collegiettes, and we (usually) know how to make the right decisions! So why are we so easily influenced by our friends' habits? Jessica Rozler, co-author of Friend or Frenemy?, explains: “Bad habits influence us because – let's face it – some of these things can be fun.”

This makes a lot of sense, especially since we often want to look back on our college years as the most fun time of our lives. “Take, for example, the friend who parties too much,” Rozler says. “She's always down for a good time and puts her school work low on her priority list. If you are buried in your studies, it's very tempting to join her during her nights on the town when you should really be doing work.”

As for much less seemingly fun bad habits, like Samantha's friends’ eating patterns, Dr. Levine explains that the influence can stem from our having similar tendencies to start with. In this situation, our friend would just bring out these tendencies in us rather than create them.

How to deal

So your friend encourages you to engage in activities that make you uncomfortable or put you at risk. What should you do? “If you have a friend who is prone to dangerous or risky behaviors, you may want to limit your interactions,” especially if you find yourself tempted to imitate her, Dr. Levine says.

But there is a second solution, Dr. Levine says. “Another approach is to see her in a group, so that peer pressure will curtail unhealthy behaviors,” she says. Dr. Levine explains that “while it’s easy to dismiss one other person challenging your behaviors, it’s more difficult to do that to a group.”

So if you are the only one to call your friend out on something she does, it will be easier for her to deny it or get defensive. “Peer pressure often can be very motivating in getting someone to reexamine his/her behaviors.” If you are worried about someone's behavior, try talking to mutual friends about it first. If they agree with you, it will be easier to confront the friend in question as a group.

2. You compare yourself to them

The situation

If a friend of yours has low self-esteem and repeatedly lists her perceived faults and failings, you might become more likely to see those same faults in yourself by comparison.

This has happened to Clara*, a senior at Pennsylvania State University. “When a friend is putting herself down for how allegedly fat or ugly she is, and I'm sitting there confused because I think she’s neither of those things, sometimes it makes me doubt myself,” Clara says.

Conversely, if your friend is very confident and seems perfect to you, you might feel unworthy compared to her.

Why it happens

Don't worry if you have a tendency to compare yourself to others, because “comparing ourselves to our friends is natural,” Dr. Levine says. “Unless it is to excess, it can be motivating. A thin friend can help motivate us to lose weight. A brainy friend can encourage us to study more, etc.”

But on the other hand, “if you lack confidence, you may not see your friend realistically and underestimate the traits you have that she might envy,” Dr. Levine says.

How to deal

Rozler offers a simple solution to avoid negative self-talk within your group of friends: “just refuse to participate. Change the topic or simply say that you don't want to talk like that.” But if this method doesn't work and “you always feel bad about yourself after spending time with a friend, you really need to reevaluate that friendship,” she says.

If you have the opposite problem, that is, envying an apparently flawless friend, “just don't do it,” Rozler warns. “Two very true clichés: You are your own worst critic, and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

Your friend might seem perfect, but she also “has her flaws and insecurities, just like we all do,” Rozler points out. “I guarantee that she admires and envies things about you and thinks that you have it really good in some ways.”

Bottom line: as hard as it may be, try to maintain a positive and realistic outlook on yourself. Comparing yourself to your friends, whether they’re insecure or perfectly confident, has a good chance of bringing you down – unless you use it as healthy motivation.

3. They pressure you into certain behaviors

The situation

Usually our friends have our backs. But sometimes a so-called friend will make us feel obliged to engage in something we don't want to do. “I’ve been in situations where if men have bought me a drink, a friend of mine has said, ‘Well, now you have to hook up with him,’” says Maria*, a senior at New York University.

Peer pressure is pervasive in middle and high school, but it most definitely doesn’t stop happening in college. Your friends might pressure you to drink, use drugs or, like Maria, hook up with people for all the wrong reasons. The NYU collegiette says she feels inadequate in these situations, especially “after a lifetime of being told not to settle and not to tone down [her] personality.”

Why it happens

Dr. Levin says, “sometimes, in the face of a friend’s urging, it becomes very difficult to exercise self-control and say ‘no,’” which can lead to a dangerous situation.

How to deal

If one of your friends has a tendency to pressure you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with, try seeing her in a group or planning ahead to hang out in a “safe zone,” like a restaurant, a movie theater or the mall.

However, if you think your friend's behavior is endangering her health as well as yours, “you should express your concern to her and also let her know that you're worried about her,” Rozler says. This will be a difficult conversation to have, but following this advice should help. “In general, be direct, don't accuse her of anything and express that you really care for her,” Rozler says.

Expect that the conversation might not go as planned, and “if she doesn't want to change her lifestyle or reacts in a hostile way, you'll have to distance yourself from the friendship,” Rozler warns.

4. They take more than they give

The situation

A friendship is an exchange; both of you should be giving as much as you take. If your friend expects more from you than you can possibly give her and gives very little in return, it can become a problem.

A one-sided relationship where you’re always on the giving side can really take its toll on your health. “You might feel like you are being taken advantage of,” Dr. Levine says.

Isabel*, a senior at Franklin & Marshall College, once had a friend like this.  “[She] would just dump all her drama on me and call me in tears asking me to make it all better when I had my own drama,” she says. This was too much for Isabel: “I later told her that I was sick of the drama and that I couldn't handle it anymore.”

How to deal

It is up to you to “assess whether the relationship is really reciprocal and worth keeping,” Dr. Levine says. Indeed, there is a difference between a friend who doesn’t give back once or twice and a friend who fails you time and time again. Nobody’s perfect, but a true friend should have your back.

If you really care about a friend who has been taking too much from you lately, consider talking to her about it. This will be as difficult as confronting her about a dangerous habit, but Dr. Levine's guidelines are a great place to start. Her advice? “Get the facts before you make accusations, try not to blame the other person, spend at least as much time listening as you do speaking,” she says.

Timing is also key. “Save discussions for when tempers have settled down and make sure you pick the right time and setting,” Dr. Levine says. Even if your friend doesn't react well at first, hopefully in time she will understand your point of view and realize that she needs to change.

5. They put you down

The situation

A good friend should lift you up, make you laugh and make you feel happy and confident—not bring you down! Yet sometimes someone close to you might make you feel bad about yourself, whether purposefully or not.

“A former friend of mine, who I stopped talking to for this and many other reasons, used to try to make herself seem better than those around her by a ‘career ethic,’” Maria says. “She would ask people what kind of jobs/internships they got, belittle them, or, if they didn't have one, state how their life was going nowhere or that she was somehow going to succeed solely based on these assumptions.”

Why it happens

There are various reasons why your friend might belittle you regularly. “Some friends put us down in an effort to build themselves up,” Dr. Levine says. “They may be jealous or suffer from low self-esteem.”

As for more passive-aggressive remarks, “your friend may be angry at you for something she hasn't expressed and it seeps out as underhanded criticism,” Dr. Levine says.

Finally, Rozler says your friend's trash talk “might be so subtle that she doesn't even know she's doing it.”

How to deal

A so-called friend putting you down is never okay, and “if it's destroying your sense of self-worth, this is not a true friend,” Rozler warns.

With that in mind, both experts agree that this girl might be struggling with her own self-esteem. If this is the case and she has been a good friend in the past, “it might be helpful to point out her strengths so she feels better about herself,” Dr. Levine suggests.

If you think your friend is angry at you for some reason, “you might want to call her out on her behavior and explain the effect her put-downs are having on your friendship,” Dr. Levine says. Either way, communication is key.

If being around a certain friend is hurting your physical or mental health, don’t be afraid to walk away. However, if your friend puts you or herself down on a regular basis, this could be a cry for help. Ultimately, it’s up to you to distinguish between hopeless situations and ones where your friend simply needs you.

*Names have been changed.

Her Story: I Have Bipolar Disorder

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One night I couldn’t sleep. I got in my car and drove around town at four in the morning for hours. My thoughts were racing a million miles a minute and I couldn’t slow them down; I was absolutely restless. I didn’t end up sleeping at all that night. But I wasn’t tired the next day – I felt just as energized as ever.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was in the midst of a manic episode. That same week, I didn’t eat for six days and I didn’t sleep much at all, yet I was never tired. I was skipping classes for no reason other than that I couldn’t bring myself to sit still for a class period when I had so much energy and my mind was moving so fast.

A few weeks later, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After repeated episodes of mania like I described, and depressive episodes where I would sleep for 23 hours or was unable to move from my bed all day, my RA grew concerned.

She helped arrange an appointment with the school’s psychological services, which didn’t go well at all. After two horrible experiences, I finally met with a counselor who understood what I was dealing with. He said, “Heather, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that I know what you’re dealing with. And the bad news is that it’s not going away - you’re going to be dealing with this for the rest of your life. And it’s hard.” Next he told me a little bit about bipolar disorder and read me the symptoms. I was in tears because I had never heard anyone describe me so well.

He connected me with a psychiatrist who couldn’t see me for three months. Three whole months! I think this is unacceptable. People with cases worse than mine could die in three months. Some bipolar people are suicidal and can’t get the help they so desperately need in time to save them. Timing is everything. So I had to wait for this appointment and live with the knowledge I now had for much too long.

The disorder got worse while I waited. I was doing things that were completely uncharacteristic of my personality and it worried a lot of people who are close to me.

I stayed on campus for Thanksgiving because I didn’t feel like facing my family. They were disappointed and didn’t understand because I hadn’t yet shared with them the news of my diagnosis. I was alone because of course everyone else went home to be with their families. I was lonely and depressed with my only company being my beta fish, who doesn’t even like me.

For the first couple days, I slept a lot and laid in bed, crying until I couldn’t breathe anymore. But the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I woke up feeling elated. I had never felt so good before, so high. My mind was racing as fast as ever and suddenly an idea popped into it: a tattoo. I decided that I needed a white-ink, circle tattoo on my right wrist. And I didn’t just need it; I had to have it, right then, before I could do or think anything else. I didn’t give it a second thought because my mind was set.

I waltzed myself into a sketchy tattoo parlor and told them exactly what I wanted. The artist strongly advised against white-ink, but I told him that I wanted it anyway. Reluctantly, he led me to the chair. White-ink tattoos are supposed to hurt a lot more but I felt absolutely no pain. I skipped all the way back to my dorm, finally satisfied.

A couple days later, I was in a coffee shop when a man approached me. He was cute and charming but he looked a lot older. He told me that he was twenty-six. I’m nineteen, so the age difference was obvious. We talked for a few minutes and he asked for my number. We texted a little bit but I didn’t think anything would come of it.

Weeks later, he texted me, asking me to come over to his apartment at 11 PM. Normally I wouldn’t ever dream of doing such a thing. I’m usually very careful and reserved. But that night, I thought it was an excellent idea. He was going to pick me up in half an hour, so I hurried to get ready.

I put on too much makeup and an outfit that I thought would make me look older. I was getting ready in a friend’s room because I was trying to be secretive about the whole situation. I happened to have some vodka and orange juice in the room, and I thought it would help ease my nerves if I drank some of it. I took a few big sips and I was immediately feeling it.

My friend walked in to check on me, with about ten minutes until the guy was supposed to arrive. She noticed that I’d been drinking and asked me why. I told her it would make it easier and she told me that I didn’t have to go. I told her that yes, I did have to go. I just had to. I couldn’t explain why because I had no reason.

She told me that I was making a decision that could ruin my life; one that I might regret forever. She begged me not to go but I was still determined. All of a sudden, feeling the alcohol more now, I looked up at her and started crying. Sobbing, actually. Deep down, I’d never wanted to go. I was just being reckless and impulsive because I was out of control. I texted the guy and told him I was sick, and spent the night sobbing on my friend’s futon. I kept telling her that I didn’t want to feel this way anymore: I just wanted to feel numb.

In the months before I finally saw the psychiatrist and started medication, I did many things that I regret. I drank a lot more than I should have, and that just aided me in making bad decisions. I dyed my hair black and I pierced my own ears more than once.

If you’d known me before I got so out of control, you would’ve known a girl who was the Youth Deacon at church, studied hard and made good grades, volunteered at an orphanage in Honduras, and spent her free time reading, singing and babysitting.

The new Heather terrified me but I had no way of stopping the tornado I’d become. My proudest moment was the day I walked out of my first appointment with my psychiatrist, having agreed to medication. I was ashamed and hesitant, and accepting the help I needed was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was also the best thing I’ve ever done.

The medication occasionally made me sick and I didn’t love the side effects. I resented it and didn’t necessarily take my recovery seriously at first. I didn’t really tell anyone what I was going through and I was lying about my whereabouts when I had doctor’s appointments or therapy.

Now, it’s seven months later, and I sent out an email last night to my friends and family, telling them what I’ve been struggling with. The support I’ve received and the relief I now feel is overwhelming. I’m doing so much better and I am now committed to my health and recovery.

Today, I look down at my tattoo and wonder what I was thinking. If I could go back and change things, I wouldn’t have this circle permanently on my wrist. But it’s kind of like a scar now, reminding me what I’ve been through. I’ve learned that pain is an opportunity for growth. A great one, actually. Mental health is a serious issue, one that comes with stigmas and shame. But it’s what I’ve decided to dedicate my life to fight for. I want to fight for my own health and for the health of others, and it’s a battle I’m not willing to lose.

Do you have a story to share? Submit your story to Her Story!

17 Life Lessons Mary Kate & Ashley Taught Us

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The Olsen twins were with us throughout our childhoods, whether it was on Full House or in straight-to-video movies. So naturally they taught us everything we needed to know about makeup, boys and friendship. Below, we’re recounting 17 of the best life lessons Mary Kate and Ashley taught us.

1. It’s okay to know what you want

2. Eat your feelings when necessary

3. Avril Lavinge is a completely reliable cited source

4. Always make sure your hair is on point in case of selfies

5. Funny faces fix any situation

6. Relationships are tricky

7. Dancing in your PJs is, like, the most fun

8. Feeling pretty boosts your confidence

9. Cookie addiction is a real thing

10. Never settle for less than true love

11. If you must drive, do so in a convertible you got for your sixteenth birthday

12. School is merely shrug-worthy

13. Don’t be afraid to flaunt what you’ve got

14. Hot guys may evoke speechlessness

15. Girls can do hip hop

16. Stay positive

17. Sisters make the best friends

Links We Love 7.12.15

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The Facebook logo gets a feminist makeover. [Bustle]

This McDonald's employee gets fired for placing his mixtapes in children's Happy Meals. [Huzlers]

Hundreds of lawyers defend Moroccan women arrested over tight outfits. [Jezebel]

Prince George checking in on Princess Charlotte might be the cutest thing you see today. [Racked]

10 inspiring quotes from the members of the U.S. women's soccer team. [Cosmopolitan]

You can be asexual and happy. [The New York Times]

This is how long it takes to get out of shape. [Greatist]

This writer live-tweets a couple's painful first date. [Cosmopolitan]

All the movies still coming out this summer. [Betches Love This]

These are the only beach body tips you need. [Buzzfeed]

5 Skills You Must Know Before College Move-In

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For college freshmen, the prospect of moving away from home and living on your own is both equally terrifying and exciting! After all, it’s the first time in your life you won’t have your parents or older siblings around to help with the little things like laundry or cooking dinner. Whether you’re ready for this newfound independence or skeptical about life on your own, there are several skills you need to know before move-in day.

Luckily for you, we’ve talked to real collegiettes to find out the truth about what you actually need to know before you head off for school.

1. Doing laundry

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: going off to college means being forced to finally learn how to do your own laundry. While the task may seem tedious, there really isn’t much to it. Products like Tide Pods make it easy to throw your dirty clothes in the washer and go, without having to measure out soap and detergent. “Most importantly, just remember to keep up with your laundry,” says Shaela Nelson, a junior at Minnesota State University. “It’s a pain to have a mountain of clothes that will take four loads and lots of your time.”

There are several other tips that will make your laundry experience much less stressful. Be sure to always separate your colored and white clothes before throwing them in the wash, and keep an eye on special garments such as button-down dress shirts and sweaters that may require different settings, temperatures or air-drying to avoid shrinking. Websites like RealSimple offer specific instructions on what settings work best for each type of clothing.  

You may also want to invest in a portable laundry hamper with a handle, as they allow you to easily move large loads of laundry from your dorm, down the elevator and to the laundry room. Many of these hampers even have pockets to store your detergent, pods and dryer sheets.

The summer is a great time to start doing laundry on your own at home so you can get a feel for the process. With a little practice, you’ll be the one showing everyone else how to do laundry on move-in day!

2. Defrosting a fridge

If your school allows you to keep a mini-fridge in your dorm, you’re most likely going to want to have one to store snacks, drinks and last night’s leftover pizza. Luckily, mini-fridges don’t take up a lot of space and require minimal maintenance.

While leaving your fridge turned on when you go home for the weekend is perfectly fine, you’ll definitely want to defrost it if you’re headed on break for any longer than a few days. Not only is it important to remove all of the perishable food items from the fridge, but you’ll want to ensure you defrost it properly before heading home for fall, winter or spring break.

  • Turn the fridge off, leave the door open and remove all items inside. 
  • Pull out any shelves and clean them down with a wet towel or cleaning wipe.
  • Cover the area inside and surrounding the fridge with newspapers or small towels to account for melting and leaking of the ice as it defrosts.
  • Once all of the ice has melted, remove any water inside the fridge and dry the inside of the fridge with a towel.

Allowing the fridge to naturally defrost may take as long as a day, so plan ahead and begin the defrosting process no later than the day before you head out to ensure it’s dry in time.

3. Keeping track of your finances

If you held a job throughout your high school years, you probably have a pretty good idea of what it takes when it comes to keeping track of your finances. However, this can become even trickier when you don’t have your parents around to keep you on track or control your spending.

“After my first semester, I realized I needed to download a banking app,” says Caitlin Duncan, a junior at the University of New Haven. “It showed me how much money was in my account at all times. From there, I set limits on how much I could spend per week. Of course I cheated sometimes, but I was able to have fun and not spend all my money!”

If you already have a bank account set up for yourself, most banks offer a mobile app or website that allows you to monitor your balance, withdrawals and other financial activity. If you don’t have an account, talk to your parents before you leave for school about what bank they use and whether or not you’ll be using a credit or debit card at school to make purchases.

While banking and keeping track of your money may seem scary at first, it’s an essential part of life on your own! Many banks even offer special plans for college students, which allow you to easily set up your own debit card or checking account before you head off for school.

4. Communicating effectively

One of the most exciting parts of college is the opportunity to meet and interact with new people every single day. Whether you’re meeting your roommate  for the first time, meeting up with classmates for a group project or scheduling classes with your academic advisor, you make to make sure you’re communicating as effectively and clearly as possible. Not only does effective communication make your life less stressful, but it makes it easier to form lasting relationships with the people around you.

“At the beginning of the year, it’s important to discuss what is and is not okay with both you and your roommate such as hookups when they’re around, what items to share and not to share, guest policy, noise policy and study habits,” says Shaela. “Discussing these things up front will reduce problems in the future.” If you know you’re both going to be at orientation at the same time, plan to meet up for lunch and have a discussion in person. However, if there’s no way for you to meet before move-in day, initiating a Facebook message (or even a phone call, if you prefer!) is a great way to make sure that you and your future roomie are on the same page.

Communicating with your roommate as early as before move-in day can even help make your first weeks of school less stressful. “If you know you’re going to have a roommate, moving in at the same time as them can be hectic and pretty difficult to do in a timely manner,” says Kristen Adaway , a sophomore at the University of Georgia.  “It’s best to make plans ahead of time so one person moves in before the other.”

Shaela also recommends learning how to communicate effectively with the adults in your life, such as professors and advisers. “Your academic advisers are there for you,” she says. “Don’t waste time and money by registering for classes that you ‘think’ are required. Schedule an appointment, grab a requirement sheet from their office and have them aid your every move. If you create a good relationship [with your adviser], they may even help you get into classes that are already full or guide you away from not-so-good professors.” If you’re not sure about how to get in contact with your adviser, look for their phone numbers and email addresses on the school website associated with your major or area of study.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to reach out to the people on campus, whether they’re professors or your own peers. More than likely, everyone else is just as excited and nervous about the upcoming year as you are!

5. Making the most of your dorm

While your dorm room may seem bleak when you first move in, there are plenty of ways to express your style and tastes through decorations such as posters, picture frames and desk accessories.

“Remember, [your dorm] is your home for the next nine months,” says Shaela. “Don’t be afraid to personalize it. When you’re stressed from school, a break-up or homesickness, you’ll be glad that you added a comforting and homey touch.”

Pinterest offers countless ideas for decorating your dorm while still making the most of the small space. Browse around the various boards to find inspiration, and don’t forget to leave space for your roomie to personalize the dorm as well!

While moving away from home is exciting, there’s plenty of responsibility that comes with life on your own! By staying organized, communicating effectively, and not being afraid to reach out for help from both peers and adults, you’re setting yourself up for a first semester of success. Best of luck out there, collegiettes, and let the countdown to move-in day begin!

 

4 Annoying Love Life Questions & How to Answer Them

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Ah, summer break. This vacation means your mom’s home-cooked meals, relaxing after a long semester and seeing all your family and friends whom you haven’t seen in a couple months. Catching up with people you haven’t seen in a while will be fun… until someone asks about your love life, of course.

While you might not mind discussing your classes, activities or friends, as soon as someone brings up your relationship status, you don’t really want to chat. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or rocking the single life, questions about your love life can be annoying and just plain awkward. We came up with the most common love life questions you’ll receive as well as tips for how to answer them in a polite (and not awkward) way.

Preparing to face these questions

One of the main reasons we hate getting love life questions is because they seem to come out of nowhere. You can be casually talking to your cousin about science class when all of a sudden your uncle cracks a joke about having chemistry with your lab partner and now everyone wants to know when you’re getting married. Talk about things escalating quickly.

Family and friends you haven’t seen in a while are naturally going to ask you questions because they care about you. Since you’re aware of this, being prepared ahead of time to answer all their questions will help counter that awkward moment when someone randomly brings up your relationship status.

“Awareness will make it easier for you to be [controlled] in your response versus reacting [in an] overly emotional way you might regret later,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, relationship expert and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina. “In other words, by minimizing the surprise element, you can prepare responses.”

An easy way to start preparing yourself for others’ curiosity is thinking of an answer to the question, “What’s new?” Usually when you haven’t seen someone in a while, he or she wants to know generally how you’re doing before diving into personal topics like your love life. 

According to Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, if you provide real information during small talk, it will give you and the other person more to discuss besides your love life. “Your family [and friends] want to know things because they love you,” Smith says. “Give them details about your classes and roommates. If you got a great grade or landed an internship, brag about it. Give them something else to ask questions about before they ask about your relationships.”

By having some other conversation topics prepared, you can ease yourself into the relationship talk (if you want to!) or know that you always have backup conversation starters just in case things get awkward.

1. “You’ve been dating for a while… is he ‘the one’?”

Considering all of Aunt Susan’s Facebook likes on pictures of you and your SO, you know she’ll inevitably want all the details when you see her. Even if you expect it, getting asked about your future wedding or your apparent soul mate can be startling.

There’s a good chance that you may not know if your current SO is the one, so a good technique is to acknowledge the question without actually answering it. Then, right afterwards, deflect the question back to your family member.

“You can say something like, ‘I couldn’t even imagine him proposing right now! The last thing I want to think about is being tied down,’” Smith suggests. “And then immediately ask them about how they met their spouse or how old they were when they got married. Turn the conversation back towards them.” That way, your family gets some sort of response, but you get out of a lengthy conversation about future wedding dresses.

Another way to combat this question is through humor. “Handle these awkward questions [with] humor and point out the awkwardness,” suggests Dr. Seth Meyers, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. “When asked about [the future wedding], for example, say, ‘Oh, please tell me this isn’t the time for awkward questions! I have to plead the fifth.’”

Sometimes calling your family out on an awkward question can stop the conversation in its tracks. Paired with humor, it keeps the mood lighthearted.

If you do feel comfortable enough sharing more about your relationship with your family, you can answer this question more honestly while keeping it brief. “I always respond with, ‘I hope so, but we have a lot to learn about one another in the next few years with graduation, finding jobs and finding places to live,’” says Laura Bauman, a junior at the University of Wisconsin-Stout. “It pretty much sums up the rest of the questions to follow, like, ‘Are you moving in together after graduation?’”

Whether you plan on marrying your current SO or not, you can gracefully answer the soul-mate question in a way that leaves your family satisfied and you in control of the conversation.

2. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

On the flip side, you might be single and absolutely dreading the when-are-you-going-to-meet-someone question. It might come in the form of grandma reminding you that you only have so much time to give her great-grandchildren or your friend consistently encouraging you to find someone new when you go out. You’re confident about your single status, but this question can make you wonder if you should hurry up and settle down.

The key to navigating this conversation is confidence. You should never feel ashamed of being single, so reaffirm the reasons why you’re choosing to be single, and that will help you answer this question confidently.

“Re-commit yourself to the ‘why’ [you’re choosing] to be single,” Ahluwalia says. “[For example], you want to do your own thing before coupling up, or it’s an act of self-love after a breakup. Re-committing to your big ‘why’ will fuel you with self-assurance to say something like, ‘I’ve decided to be on my own for a while at this time, and I’m confident that’s the right thing for me right now.’”

Furthermore, instead of just mumbling, “I’m single” and letting the conversation die, give some examples of how you’re spending your time (which you’ve already thought of during small talk!).

“As I’ve gotten older, more and more people ask about my single status,” says Haley Cahill, a senior at Appalachian State University. “Instead of telling them, ‘No, I’m single,’ I give them a more powerful response like, ‘Actually, I’m so focused on all my classes, extracurriculars and landing a killer job after graduation that I don’t have time to worry about a significant other!’ I think this makes me look focused and driven.” Again, this can turn the conversation back to a topic you’re more comfortable with while giving you a boost of confidence.

Remember, you should never be embarrassed because you’re single, and your family members and friends are asking with the best intensions. Remind yourself of all the reasons you’re flying solo, be confident in them and rock your single status whenever someone questions it!

3. “How are you and [insert your ex’s name here]?”

You just stopped listening to sad Adele songs when your sorority sister wants to know if you and your SO want to double date. Or your uncle, who hit it off with your ex-boyfriend last year, wants to know why there’s not an extra seat your family’s dinner table. No matter how long ago you and your SO broke up, getting a question about him or her can be uncomfortable.

Despite how your relationship ended, it’s important to stay calm and collected when answering questions about your ex. Again, preparing an answer to this question ahead of time will help you feel less awkward when it comes up.

“Whether your family [or friends] knew your SO or just knew you had an SO, they’re going to ask,” Smith says. “This means you need to be prepared. Have a brief statement you can always say when asked. [For example], ‘We just broke up a few weeks ago, it’s not easy, but I’m doing fine. Thank you so much for asking.’”

While your friends or family might want to know the details of the breakup, there’s a good chance you’re not going to want to get into it. After briefly responding that you and your SO broke up, Smith suggests you change the topic of conversation immediately. So if someone says, “I heard you broke up; I really liked [name],” you can say, “Thanks; I really liked [name] too. You know what else I like? Your sweater. Where did you get it?” Or, if someone asks why you broke up with him or her, you can always use some humor like, “You know, it just wasn’t working, but it does make my holiday shopping easier! What’s on your wish list this year?”

It doesn’t matter if it’s been a week or a year—talking about your ex can be uncomfortable. By politely and briefly answering a question about him or her, your family and friends can be up-to-date on your relationship status, and then you can steer the conversation in a different direction.

4. “Would you like me to set you up?”

This usually comes from family and follows the “Have you met someone yet” question. Even though your first instinct might be to immediately deny a date with your aunt’s coworker’s son, try being open to your family’s attempt at matchmaking.

“People sometimes go unwillingly on blind dates and end up really liking them,” Smith says. “Unless you’re going through a dramatic breakup, it wouldn’t hurt going on a coffee date!”

If you’re in a place where you’re not emotionally ready or comfortable meeting someone new (e.g., you’re going through a breakup, you really want to do your own thing), politely reiterate all the reasons you’re choosing to be single and then change the subject. You shouldn’t go on a set-up date just to please your family; you should only go if you feel comfortable. Saying something like, “I really appreciate the offer, but I’m just trying to focus on myself right now. I’ll be sure to let you know if I change my mind!” is lighthearted but also gets you out of a blind date you might not be ready for.

On the other hand, if you do find yourself ready to date or meet new people, take your family member up on his or her offer. You never know how it might turn out!  

“Even if they’re not the right person for you, they might be great for your friend or you might really like their roommate,” Smith adds. “Going out on a set-up coffee date gives you practice with future dates and networking. Plus, you’re never going to find someone in your dorm room. Get out and meet people!”

Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with your cousin’s friend-of-a-friend and you can look back later and laugh about how it all started. Or you might not connect with him or her at all and come out with a funny story to tell your family later. However you decide to answer the setting-up question, make sure you’re comfortable and confident, and you can’t go wrong.

At one point or another, you’re going to get a question about your love life. Just remember that people are only asking because they care about you, not because they’re trying to make you feel uncomfortable. No matter if you’re single or in a serious relationship, stay cool and confident, and you’ll be able to answer any relationship question your family or friends throw at you!

5 Outfits That'll Beat the Heat at Your Summer Internship

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We've hit the middle of summer, and as you head out on your morning commute to your dream internship, you feel a drip of sweat on your forehead. You suddenly realize that summer isn't just the season of internships—it's the season of sweltering heat. Breaking a sweat every time you walk into the office sounds like a total nightmare, and the last thing you want to do is overheat. But what if the office has the air conditioning on overdrive? You definitely don't want to have goose bumps at your desk! How do you dress for your morning walk to work and for your office climate?

Before you panic, relax—we've got you covered. Whether it's opting for bright whites or breezy linens, we've got tips for putting together the perfect office outfit that'll keep you cool and professional.

1. Go minimalist


Summer Minimalist
 

MANGO pink dress
$19 - johnlewis.com

 

 

 

Stud earrings
nordstrom.com

 

 

Replacing your pantsuits with dresses is the number one way to beat the summer heat while still looking professional, because when the temperature rises, less is more. Unfortunately, however, this means that  heavy pieces, such as statement necklaces, are a total no-no if you're looking to keep cool. Similarly, bedazzled and beaded clothing should also be abandoned. Of course, while clunky metal is sure to stimulate sweat and weigh you down, you definitely don't have to give up jewelry altogether. You can still make a statement by sticking to flirty, eye-catching studs and swapping out neutral heels for colorful flats!

2. Swap your trousers for shorts


Blazer & Shorts
 

 

ASOS white blazer
$60 - asos.com

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, offices tend to be more lenient with warm-weather apparel, meaning summer is the perfect time to try out some street style trends while still looking clean and put-together. One of the hottest outfits of choice for fashion bloggers and young professionals is the blazer and shorts look. The key is to find loose shorts made of high-quality material to ensure that your booty stays cool—and, most importantly, covered! In terms of length, it goes without saying that the longer, the better. Opt for a black pair for maximum versatility, and pair them with a subtly patterned sleeveless top. Finish off your look with a lightweight linen blazer and throw on some sandals with minimal strapping to keep your toes from getting toasty.

3. Try a midi


Fresh & Cool
 

Madewell white shirt
madewell.com

 

 

 

 

Kate spade earrings
lordandtaylor.com

 

 

Summer is definitely skirt season, but the style gets tricky when the weather gets warmer and hemlines get shorter. For the more conservative work place, stick to midi skirts, which ensure coolness and never push length boundaries. The style is extremely in and almost always appropriate, and with a range of pastel options to choose from, you can avoid black bottoms that draw in heat. Ditch the skin-tight styles and opt for something flowy, which will fan away sweat and won't stick to your skin. Pair your skirt with an equally loose (but structured) boxy top. A fresh white cotton tee is the perfect pairing, because the material is extremely breathable and again, it won't attract heat. Thanks to the newest flat sandal trend, try on a pair of metallic slides, which emphasize comfort while maintaining a sense of professional glam. However, let it be known that depending on your body type, a midi skirt might make you look shorter. If that's the case, don't abandon the look altogether! Simply pop on some heels instead and you'll be as leggy as you desire.

4. Opt for textures, not layers


Textured Summer Dresses
 

Topshop pink stripe dress
$78 - topshop.com

 

 

 

 

Daniel Green Meg
shoes.com

 

 

Busy patterns may not work in your work place, but that doesn't mean that layering (a.k.a. unnecessary heat) has to be your go-to for texture. Try a jacquard dress with simple stripes. Alternatively, opt for a color-blocked style that looks like two pieces but is really one! Either way, your outfit will be eye-catching and put-together, and you won't even have to worry about having a bland style or fumbling to match layers every morning. Of course, it's important to note that while the heat rises outside, it often drops in the office. If your work place has air conditioning, it can get chilly, and nothing's worse than shivering at your desk. Opt for an unlined jacket or cardigan in breathable materials like cotton. Stick it in your bag during the commute, and slip it on in the office when you get cold. 

5. Stay conservative with lighter colors and fabrics


Covered But Cool
 

 

J Crew 3 4 sleeve top
factory.jcrew.com

 

 

The Limited tall pants
thelimited.com

 

 

 

 

So, your office takes coverage very seriously? Don't sweat it. You can keep from overheating in even the most conservative of work environments, as long as you pick the right colors and materials. We've already emphasized the importance of wearing light shades and choosing breathable fabrics. That being said, choose a white, pale pink, or blue linen button-down. Next, pick a linen or linen blend trouser, but avoid skinny styles, which will get hot and clingy fast. A nice boot-cut, flare, or if absolutely necessary, straight-leg fit will keep you cool as a cucumber. Don't be afraid to choose a summery shade for your pants, but of course, if your dress code is strict you can opt for navy, white, grey, or khaki. If you're still worried about office air conditioning, layer an open-knit sweater over your oxford. Try open nude heels as opposed to solid pumps for a freer foot, and accessorize with gentle studs.

Follow these tips and you'll never break a sweat! Even better, summer whites and soft pastels go with almost anything (especially each other!) so feel free to mix and match styles from any of the above outfits to create a unique and versatile wardrobe that'll last you all summer long!


18 Reasons We’re Thankful We’re NOT The Bachelorette

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It’s your secret guilty pleasure...that you make very public by freaking out about it on social media. Yes, we are talking about The Bachelorette (although the Kardashians would have probably fit that description as well) and we just have one thing to say: Thank goodness we aren’t her.

What would be so bad about being The Bachelorette? Glad you asked:

1. Having all of your breakups broadcast on national television

Like, why would you volunteer for that?

2. ...and always being the one who does the dumping

Not saying we would rather be broken up with than do the breaking up, but being responsible for sending a guy home every week? Sounds stressful.

3. Having to let down 25 guys within an extremely short time frame

She has got to be setting some type of record. Somebody call Guinness.

4.  The cameras that follow you (everywhere!)

Privacy is nonexistent.

5. And perfectly capture your awkward “I just got dissed” moments

Obviously, all the worst moments are going to be aired.

6. ...yep, all of them

Isn’t the Bachelorette supposed to be the one breaking hearts?

7. Getting sl*tshamed by the media

Really? Come on.

8. Having to go on group dates and juggle multiple guys at once

Could you even remember that many guys' names...?

9. Which means taking part in awkward group date activities


You probably have to practice faking a good time.

10. Or just having to do really ridiculous and questionable things  

No, sorry, dinner and a movie won’t cut it here on The Bachelorette. We’re just going to fake a wake. How romantic.

11. Not being able to tell your best friend the moment something happens in your relationship

In fact, not being able to tell anyone anything at all until the show airs. How long can you keep stories of 25 different relationships from your bestie

12. Putting up with the duds for TV’s sake

If there’s no chemistry, there’s just no chemistry.

13. ...and never being totally sure of whether they’re just in it for the fame

Good thing Chris Harrison always makes a point to question whether someone is "here for the right reasons."

14. Not being able to tell the guy you love that you love him  

Because apparently this isn’t allowed until you’ve picked the final guy.

15. Knowing that you might have just sent home someone you could have had a shot with

You can’t exactly call someone back up and ask for a second chance once you’ve dumped them on national TV.

16. And never getting any closure when you go through a break up  

They literally just leave after the rose ceremony. Either that, or you leave them, alone, on the side of a cliff... because that happens in real life.

17. Having to stop yourself from flipping out because you have to keep it somewhat classy for TV

You just know her reaction would’ve been different if millions of viewers weren’t watching.

18. Oh and the pressure of finding the love of your life

On TV. In a matter of weeks. With guys that are pre-selected for you. Yeah, no thanks.

So maybe we aren’t going to stop watching The Bachelorette (because, let’s face it, it’s addicting), but we can say with certainty that we'll stick to dating in real life (however difficult that can be sometimes)!

There's a New #TheDress and It's Called #TheShoe

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This shoe is dividing the internet in ways that haven’t been seen since #TheDress. I’m sure many of us remember where we were when our friend or roommate turned to us, held up a photo of the (obviously black and blue) dress, and asked us what color it was. No one understood how two polar opposite colors could be seen in the same dress.

It was an event that shook the very foundations of our society; even Ellen featured the dress on her show! Prepare yourselves for #TheDress 2.0: #TheShoe.

Upon first glance the shoe may look pink, but then it’s truly difficult to tell which nail polish more closely resembles the shoe’s color. With more research you may learn that the shoe is a BCBG pump in the color Twilight Magenta. What does that even mean, BCBG? Why are you now naming your shoe colors like Essie nail polish? Speaking of nail polish, maybe Essie should make a special edition #TheShoe color so that this poor woman won’t have to make the difficult decision of which nail polish matches her outfit! What do you think, collegiettes, pink or purple?

Say Hello to the Newest Summer Starbucks Drinks

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While we're still drooling over the winner of Starbucks' #FanFavorites Frappuccino competition (Caramel Cocoa Cluster, how did we ever live without you?), it turns out the decadent menu is just getting sweeter. From now until September 7, try one of the store's newest refreshing treats: Teavana's Shaken Iced Mango Black Tea Lemonade, the Strawberry Acai Refresher, and Orange Cream Soda. Be still our hearts. 

Intrigued and overly excited like us? Read on for the newest menu item descriptions with drool-inducing photos sourced straight from the Starbucks website.

Teavana Shaken Iced Mango Black Tea Lemonade

This newest tea is a blend of mango and passion fruit flavors, black tea, and you guessed it, lemonade. If that doesn't scream summer, we don't know what does. Teavana teas are already mouth-watering, so we'll more than welcome this new rendition. Shaken tea is the best tea, after all. 

Orange Cream Fizzio Handcrafted Soda

While Starbucks has yet to release images of the extremely new and elusive Orange Cream Soda, here's an image of one of their pre-existing exclusive sodas in Golden Ginger Ale. There's one catch to this new, magnificently bubbly flavor—it will be exclusive to Starbucks'Fizzio hand-crafted sodas stores. The new soda brings back nostalgia for our childhood adoration of creamsicles, consisting of vanilla, floral, and tangy tastebud-loving flavors. Best of all? The drink is completely dairy free (despite it's creamy aura) and only 100 calories! Hopefully you'll love this little guy way more than the old Spiced Root Beer flavor it's replacing. 

Strawberry Acai Refresher

The Cool Lime Refresher is already bae, and the Very Berry Hibiscus makes any sweltering day worthwhile. Now, say hello to your newest go-to, the Strawberry Acai Refresher. Made with cooling green tea and strawberry, passion fruit, and Acai flavors, we're more excited than sad that this new drink is replacing the old Valencia Orange Refresher (which definitely won't compare to this sweet pink dream). 

Brb, sprinting to Starbucks. 

Which new menu item are you desperate to try?

Brighten Up Your Summer with a Love, Lilly Ballerina Top

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It’s officially summer.  The sun is shining, the water is warm and your beach vacation is on the horizon!  Struggling to figure out what you should pack?  No need to panic—Her Campus and Love, Lilly are giving away three adorable Love, Lilly Ballerina Tops that will be perfect for your next big trip!

Love, Lilly is a line of stylish apparel and resort wear for the preppy chic woman.  You’ll feel bright and beautiful in this flattering silhouette complete with fun pattern.  All three winners will choose from four vibrant prints, and pick her size (XXS – L).  Choose from the Jolly Gator Stripe, Jolly Gator, Gone Bananas, and Polka Dot prints, each valued at $98.
 

Follow Love, Lilly on Instagram to see more garments Made in New England, and enter to win one of three tops right now!

 

Love, Lilly Giveaway

A Complete How-To on Quitting Your Job

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After graduation, you landed the perfect job—or so it seemed. Maybe you have the boss from hell. Maybe you’re doing something totally different than what you signed on for. Or maybe you love your job but you’re looking for a new role that’s more challenging. Whatever the reason, it’s now time to move on and see what else is out there. Turning in your resignation isn’t easy, but that’s why you've got us to help you out! We checked in with the experts on how to resign from your job as gracefully and professionally as possible.

1. Make sure this is definitely what you want to do 

Before you do anything else, you need to decide if quitting your job is the best decision. There are a lot of variables that play into deciding to quit, so how do you know if your thoughts and feelings are legitimate reasons to leave or if you need to hang in there for just a little longer?

Anita Bruzzese, award-winning journalist, USA Today columnist, and author of 45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy, says that physical ailments are an indisputable sign that it’s time to leave your job. “If you’re having physical symptoms such as inability to sleep, fatigue, or headaches, especially on Sunday nights or Monday mornings,” she says, “then that’s a sign that you should leave.”

Heather Wixson, Associate Director of the Hamilton College Career Center, thinks it’s important to think of future goals as opposed to what you’re leaving behind: “You should ask yourself some questions. Am I moving on to an environment where I will feel more challenged? Will I be doing work that is more interesting or a better fit for my skills? What is a good enough reason to leave a position is very individual—but I like to think about it in terms a moving toward something (more challenge, different field) than away from something (co-workers you dislike).”

Often times, an individual's frustrations have built to the point that their thoughts turn to quitting. So if your feelings are new, give yourself a few weeks, and see if it passes because you don’t want to risk leaving your job on a whim.

2. Don't leave too early

Sometimes it can be better for you in the long run to stay a bit longer in a job, so you don’t harm your ability to get jobs you want in the future. Future employers will worry that you're a job-hopper—and that you’ll leave them quickly, too, especially if you have a previous history of leaving jobs after less than two years.

So when’s the best time to bail? Bruzzese recommends staying at least six months before jumping ship: “Six months is a good time to measure whether or not it’s working. You can’t contribute much in less than [six months]. If you can’t show anything from your job, that doesn’t look good [to employers]. Ask yourself, 'Can I show something valuable to my next employer?'”

Chandra Turner, founder and president of Ed2010 and executive editor of Parents magazine says, “Barring mental anguish, I would say you should stay at least one year. It takes six months to even get in the swing of things and it might take another six to find another job… Plus, you’re not going to qualify for a next-level position so you might as well stay.”

However, if a job is simply not working out and you’re utterly miserable then it might be okay to leave a little earlier, as long as you handle the situation appropriately and professionally. Wixson advises, “It is more important to manage the transition effectively than to stress about staying for a certain amount of time, in my opinion.”

Overall, it's important to consider all the factors that come into play when you leave one job and move onto (or start looking for) another. But regardless of when you leave, it’s important to make sure you do it right—keep reading to find out how!

3. Try to have something lined up before you quit

With the job market looking the way it does, it's probably in your best interest to have another position lined up before you're on your way out—the last thing you want is to be stuck in a cycle of unemployment for longer than you bargained for.

“If you’re leaving your job you either have another, you hate it so much you’re willing to leave without another and risk not being able to afford your rent, or you’re financially stable,” says Turner.

Beyond the question of how you'll support yourself during a possible transition, it's important to consider what a lengthy period of unemployment will look like to future employers. 

Bruzzese urges graduettes to “have a Plan B. Go back to school, volunteer, get an internship. Do something. Don’t go back home and sit on the couch and do nothing... the economy is tough and employers get that. But we want to know that you’re doing something with your time. Show that you’re being productive.”

4. Tell your boss in person

Now the hard part: talking to your boss. The number one rule? Tell your boss before you mention your departure to anybody else, because you want him or her to hear from you first, and not get the news from the office gossip chain. Set up a private metting with your supervisors—while it may feel awkward and uncomfortable, remember that you aren't the first or last employee to quit a job! Especially given that you're a recent college grad, your boss will totally understand that at some point, it'll be time for you to move on to more challenging roles. Turner says, “employers recognize that a lot of young people need to move positions in order to move up. Your boss will be sad to see you go but happy for your new opportunity.”

If you’re at a total loss for words and are unsure how to tell your boss you’re leaving for a new position, Wixson suggests noting how your current position has helped you grow: “Tell [your boss] why you are excited to for the change and how your current position gave you the skills and confidence to land this new position.”

You don’t need to go into extreme detail on the reasons why you’re leaving your job, but it is good to be honest and transparent in order to leave on good terms.

5. Give sufficient notice!

We can't reiterate how important this is—especially if you want to leave without any hard feelings. Allow your supervisor and the company time to plan for your departure and replacement by providing adequate notice.

Wixson says, “It really depends on company policy, but I would suggest offering two weeks notice or more if you are in a higher-level management position.”

Be sure you're aware of the requirements in your office (which can likely be found in an employee handbook or the paperwork you were given when you started the job). Though two weeks is fairly standard, your boss will appreciate the extra time if you already know you'll be moving on in advance. Especially if you're on a small team where you know that your resignation will leave a much heavier workload on your team, it's courteous to give as much time as possible.

6. Avoid burning any bridges

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to burn bridges with your boss and/or colleagues after you leave a job. Every industry, no matter how seemingly big, is so connected. It’s very likely to see the people you’ve worked with again, especially if you remain in the same industry or city, so it’s important to leave on good terms.

The best way to ensure you leave on a positive note is to offer to make your transition as smooth as possible (such as offering to stay on board long enough to train the new hire, if you're available).

Joan Snyder Kuhl, founder of the Gen Y speaking and consulting company Why Millennials Matter, says, “You have to do everything possible to ensure you depart gracefully which really means avoiding a project dump on peers or your team members. If you are really fond of your employer then offer more time and to be available via phone (for a specific time period) to discuss onboarding with your successor… You have to negotiate on both ends because everyone will always want more of your time.”

And if you really want to go above and beyond for your supervisor, create a summary or report of your accomplishments and responsibilities. Kuhl encourages you to “create bullets around the key activities that you believe were the true foundation for your role and the specific types of skills and knowledge needed to perform, successfully, the role. List the different corporate functions that you interacted with in your role to demonstrate the visibility and dynamic nature of the work. This is ultimately helping your boss and HR build an authentic job positing to fill your vacant position.”

You never know if you’ll need a favor, such as a letter of recommendation, from your previous boss or colleagues so always be sure to leave on a good note.

7. Definitely do not post anything online

This one goes with out saying, but don’t post anything negative (or ideally, just don't post anything at all) about your job, boss, or co-workers online after you quit—even if your profile is private, because you never know who might pass your message along.

Bruzzese says, “One of the biggest mistakes millenials make is posting stuff online. It looks bad to future and past employers. Your bosses are always Googling you… Someone will always find [what you posted].”

It might feel really good to get out a good rant—but our only advice is, don't. If you’re feeling frustrated, talk to your friends or engage in other stress-reducing activities. Just avoid all social media platforms. Your future self will thank you for it.

8. Think before you accept a counteroffer

In a moment of panic or genuine concern that you’re leaving, your boss might offer you a better package to convince you stay—such as more money or a promotion. As enticing as this sounds, err on the side of caution.

Bruzzese says, “Always remember that it will almost never work out. There’s a high percentage of people who take the offer and end up leaving anyway and here’s why: For one, your boss doesn’t see you as loyal anymore. He/she now knows you wanted to leave and you might miss out on future promotions because of it. Secondly, you’ve checked out mentally. It will be difficult to reengage [in your work] like you once did before.”

While there are definitely instances in which accepting the counteroffer works out, always be wary. If more money or a new promotion were motivating factors for your decision to leave in the first place, then considering a counteroffer might be a good idea. However, be aware that you might put yourself in a situation where your boss no longer values or trusts you as an employee, thereby jeopardizing future advancement at the company.

9. Don't slack off

It’s important to work as hard as you can, all the way up until the final moment on your last day because “it’s your final impression that makes the greatest impression,” says Bruzzese. As mentioned earlier, leaving on a high note is the best (and only) way to leave your job, so don’t risk that by slacking off now. Complete your projects as best you can and work hard at your job until the moment you’re walking out the door.

10. Express gratitude

Even if you’re really excited about leaving your job, be thankful about what you learned and openly express gratitude to your colleagues and boss.

Turner says, “Express gratitude for the opportunities you had there. Write thank you notes [to the people you’ve worked with]… I knew someone who baked cookies for her last day and that was really sweet. You always want to leave on a high note!“

A thank you note to your supervisor can go a long way, especially if you want a letter of recommendation somewhere down the line.

The process of quitting your job can be stressful and scary, but it doesn’t have to be. If done correctly and professionally, quitting your job can be a smooth and simple process. Remember that taking this step is symbolic of your fresh start! You're embarking on a new path that will (hopefully) bring you one step closer to your dream job—and the possibility of reaching that goal makes it all worth it.

This Site Turns Links Into Emojis

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After the introduction of the taco emoji, emoji mania has started again! This time with a new way to transform website links into actual emoticons!

Cosmopolitan reports Linkmoji takes any website link and turns into a link made of emojis. Created by Facebook product designer George Kendenburg III and Eric Nakagawa (who created I Can Has Cheezburger), users can enter a website into Linkmoji and the result is a working link that can be copied and entered into your browser.

According to Mashable reports that Linkmoji aka Project Pizza Poo (named after its own emoji link), was developed by Nakagawa in only an hour, using Parse, a Facebook-owned system that allows one to make their own custom apps, and despite only starting Wednesday night, it has already gained a huge following.

Even Her Campus has a link!  

And with that, we have officially moved into the era of the emoji.

How She Got There: Jessica Hendricks, Founder of The Brave Collection

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Name: Jessica Hendricks

Age: 27

Job Title and Description: Founder of The Brave Collection

College Name/Major: New York University/Tisch School of the Arts, Drama Major

Website: www.thebravecollection.com     

Twitter Handle: @BraveCollection

 

 

What does your current job entail? Is there such a thing as a typical day?

Jessica Hendricks: When you own a small business, you quickly become a jack of all trades, as you must learn to manage so many different aspects of the business. There is the creative side (designing and branding), the sales and marketing side (working on expanding our wholesale and direct channels) and the business side (managing cash flow and number goals). Each day presents a new challenge.

 

What is the best part of your job?

JH: The best part of my job is that I get to collaborate with our artisan partners in Cambodia on an almost-daily basis. Even if it’s just corresponding by email, being able to partner with people who have had such different lives than my own on a daily basis in an amazing gift because my frame of reference is constantly expanding and I know theirs is too. 

 

What was your first entry-level job in your field and how did you get it?

JH: I worked for my family’s jewelry store. It all seemed so natural and commonplace at the time, I had no idea how much I was learning. I think back to the basic, first-hand experience I learned on the sales floor constantly. There’s nothing that can replace that kind of education.

 
What words of wisdom do you find most valuable?

JH: There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who talk about doing and those who do.

 

What is one mistake you made along the way and what did you learn from it?

JH: The mistake I’ve made several times is [considering] giving up. Building something from scratch is incredibly difficult, and there were many moments where I nearly gave up. In any career, making decisions from a place of power is always preferable, and I’ve learned that ducking out when things get rocky isn’t an option.

 

What has been the most surreal moment of your career thus far?

JH: Getting invited to the White House was pretty amazing. I was lucky enough to be one of 75 entrepreneurs invited to witness President Obama’s speech encouraging Emerging Global Entrepreneurs. It was this amazing moment where I realized that if you believe in what you’re doing, others will notice, and then there is no ceiling.

 

What do you look for when considering hiring someone?

JH: Passion and a great attitude. I am so passionate about what I do, so I love working with others who believe in our brand and the work we are doing as much as I do. With a small company, there are always opportunities to go the extra mile, and the person who is passionate will be that person that follows through on small details and makes the extra effort to be sure our brand is presented in the right light.

 

What advice would you give to a 20-something with similar aspirations?

JH: When you’re just out of school, it feels like the scariest time to pave your own path when everyone else is entering into a world with so much structure. While taking a few years to gain experience is smart, your early 20s are also an amazing time to take risks because you can afford to fail and fail again and get back up again just fine. The older you get, the harder it can feel to take risks. 

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5 Ways to Stay Sharp for Fall Semester

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After slaving over endless tests, papers and projects, it’s good to reward yourself with beach trips and binge watching Orange Is the New Black or re-watching Gossip Girl (for the 10th time). But take the laziness level too far and you’ll be walking into class in September looking more like Crazy Eyes and less like the sophisticated, intelligent collegiette you really are. If you’re looking to sharpen your mind this summer and make sure that you enter class ready to learn, check out HC’s tips to keep your noggin in tip-top shape over the summer.

1. Cuddle up with a book

It’s easy to forget that you have time to read for pleasure. Gone are the days of reading that organic chem textbook that left you longing for your bed while you were pulling an all-nighter. You now have the time to pick up any book that piques your interest and read it at your leisure. Unleash your inner bookworm!

“With so much more downtime in the summer, it's the perfect opportunity to lose yourself in several books, and reading is an awesome way to expand your vocabulary, boost your creativity and keep your mind thinking,” says Sarah Desiderio, a junior at Penn State majoring in journalism. “Watching Netflix is essentially mindless, so reading allows your brain to actually be put to use and learn about different things. Plus, it’s super relaxing and the perfect laying-out pastime.”

Reading for pleasure can improve writing ability, text comprehension, grammar, vocabulary and confidence in reading abilities. Who wouldn’t want to read a good story while gaining all these classroom advantages?

Turn your backyard into your library and read in a pool float or a beach chair on the grass (check out waterproof cases like Lifeproof to protect your iPad from the treacherous pool water). It’s a million times better than your late-night study sessions slumped over a desk, and it’ll help you look relaxed and tan by the time you head back to campus (always remember the sunscreen, ladies!).

For some more fun, see which hot books are being adapted into movies next year so you can read an awesome book and have plans with your girlfriends to see the film when school rolls around. A good story and guaranteed girls’ night out plans? Sounds good to us! Just like you rushed to read The Fault in Our Stars this summer, you need to read Gone Girl, The Giver and the latest Nicholas Sparks sob fest, The Best of Me, to be ready for all the new film adaptions on the horizon.

2. Learn a new language

If the World Cup is giving you the itch to travel (Olá, Brasil!) and you’re realizing that a lot of what you learned in your high-school language class has slipped away, pick up your phone and learn something new. Free apps can walk you through the basics of common languages and help you regain some of what you may have lost since high school.

“I love languages, so I love trying out new languages over the summer,” says Brooke Robbins, a sophomore at Columbia University. “It's a useful life skill and keeps my mind sharp.”

Duolingo is a free app that can be downloaded for iOS and Android that lets you play games as it gives you what it defines as a “college-quality” language education. You can improve your existing skills or learn new languages (Duolingo offers Spanish, French, German, Italian and Portuguese for English speakers). “It makes language-learning a type of game, and is actually pretty effective!” Brooke says.

Whether you’re picking up some new phrases for fun or for a dream vacay down the road, learning a new language is the perfect way to keep your mind active and walk into class in the fall already having learned something new.

3. Play mind games

No, we’re not telling you to mess around with your boyfriend’s head. Playing fun word games is a great way to exercise your mind and have some friendly competition with your friends and family at the same time.

“My family is big on word games, like BOGGLE, which we play a lot when I'm home over the summer,” says Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall College. “Since we're all very word-oriented people, it can be fun and it definitely teaches me a lot of new words and helps keep my brain sharp. Oftentimes we may institute certain rules (e.g., words must be four letters or more), which can make it more challenging.”

More old-school activities, like crossword puzzles and Sudoku, can be stimulating for the mind and are great time-fillers if you’re on the go commuting to a summer internship or on a summer road trip.

“I do a lot of free crossword puzzles (or get the crossword puzzles that are known to be hard, like from The New York Times) and see how much I can solve,” Shira says. “I'll also do them with my parents so that we can fill in what the others don't know and also keep our minds sharp. It's easier to do the puzzles when I'm home during the summer because they are great to do when you're commuting each day to work.”

Katie Piscopio, a sophomore at the University of Pittsburgh, agrees. “I like to do a lot of Sudoku during the summer,” she says. “I usually buy a puzzle book from the bookstore and do it every night before bed. It's supposed to be beneficial for memory and the brain, and I just find it fun to do!”

Games like Boggle and crossword puzzles are proven to help keep your mind at the top of its game. Games can boost your vocabulary, your memory and your problem-solving skills. With that said, get playing!

4. Get back to the basics

Remember in elementary school when you got little rewards for being a good listener, memorizing an important fact or using your reading comprehension skills? You may be an old collegiette now, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need a refresher on those skills!

Brush up on your long-lost lessons with apps like Elevate, which are designed to help you regain the most basic skills needed in the classroom. Elevate is free from the App Store and Google Play and calls itself a “personal brain trainer” that lets you picks the skills you want to work on and gives you a personalized program to get better. Lumosity works similarly. You can use it on a desktop or for free from the App Store and Google Play and get started on scientifically designed games that challenge you on skills you select. These apps put the “fun” in fundamentals, as they’re both game-based!

5. Unplug for the day

On top of using cool apps to reenergize your brain, Claudia Dimuro, a senior at New York University, recommends doing something outlandish to most college women – unplugging from technology.

Sometimes you need “technology-free time where you abstain from using your phone or computer in order to build up your focus elsewhere,” Claudia says.

Taking a break from the constant onslaught of screens and social media, even just for a day, can help you unwind and have some much needed “me time” before the chaos of the semester starts up again.

Summer is the time for relaxing and Netflix bingeing, but don’t forget that class will start before you know it. Make the adjustment back into the classroom easier on yourself and start prepping your mind now for your return into the collegiette swing of things.

 

J.Crew is Developing a New Budget-Friendly Label

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After a challenging year of struggling sales, product quality concerns and criticism for its high prices, J.Crew is hoping to turn things around. Looking to target a more cost-conscious customer, the retailer is developing a lower-priced line that can better compete with its competitors in the industry. The new budget-friendly label, J.Crew Mercantile, will have preppy, classic basics, but will be at a cheaper price point, like that of Zara. 

The original styles were once found only at J.Crew Factory locations but will now be available at Mercantile's own brick-and-mortar stores, the first of which will open in Dallas later this month. The new stores will be more easily accessible than Factory stores, which are often located outside of busy city centers. Expanding its discount line could be a wise idea, considering Gap's recent downturn compared to its more affordable sibling, Old Navy, which has been performing well. J.Crew has also alienated its core customer base with gaudy designs. But it wasn't just outrageous designs and ill-fitting sweaters, as women also felt alienated by the decrease in quality. With high prices, people expect equally high quality. 

With its new chain, J. Crew might win back those with smaller fashion budgets this summer, especially us collegiettes who are getting ready to pay for fall tuition. 
 

How to Determine Who Should Pay on Your Next Date

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So, what counts as a “date?” Is it going out to a nice dinner with your crush, going out for a walk, sitting and talking at a coffee shop? No matter the occasion, the real question is, “who should pay?”

This dilemma is nothing new. Whether the bill is $4 or $40, who’s expected to pay? Is it you—or your date? As trivial as it may sound, being comfortable enough to go out on a date is difficult enough without trying to figure out who’s responsible for handling the bill.

Her Campus talked with collegiettes and relationship experts to get their opinions on who should foot the bill. Their advice? Consider the relationship before one of you asks for the check and ask yourself these questions:

 

Who asked whom out?

girl on phone tweeting social media staying in touch

Did that cutie who frequents the same coffee shop as you approach you for a date? Or did you work up the courage to suggest dinner and a movie to the girl or guy you've been eyeing? While somewhat antiquated ideas might suggest that guys should always be the one to pay for a date, in today's dating sphere, it's most courteous for the person who initiated and planned the date to be responsible for its cost.

“I think for the most part, when guys offer or want to pay for the date, it's because we asked you out,” explains Dale Lavine, Her Campus’s resident Real Live College guy. “It just seems polite to cover the bill if we made the date, you think?”

Susanne M. Alexander, author of Creating Excellent Relationships: The Power of Character Choices, makes a similar point.

“Every date begins on an uncertain footing,” she says.“Will this be the beginning of a relationship, or will it be just this one time? Money doesn’t need to be connected to this. If the guy asked her out, then courtesy would say that he pays for them both. It works in reverse as well.”

 

Are you interested in pursuing a relationship?

No matter who pays, neither individual should ever feel obligated to owe the other person anything later on. But if you're on a date with someone you just don't see as more than a friend, it might be best to split the bill—just so you're not leading him or her on.

“If you want to make sure that the guy [or girl] you’re with stays in the ‘friend’ column, and doesn’t feel led on, don’t let him [or her] pay,” suggests Dr. Carol Lieberman, author ofBad Girls. She explains that if he or she pays, that they may feel like there’s something there and hope for the relationship to develop further.

This isn't to say that you should expect the other person pay if you're interested in a relationship with him or her—but it's certainly a chance to help define the future of the friendship or budding relationship without explicitly mentioning it.

 

Set your own expectations aside

You might have your own ideas for what should or shouldn't happen on a first date, but know that your date might have other expectations! Especially if this is earlier on in a relationship, it's important to be considerate of what is both comfortable and doable for all parties.

“When it comes to a traditional date between a guy and a girl, I believe that the guy should offer to pay for the date, but be open to letting the girl pay for herself if she wants to,” explains Devontae, a freshman at American University. “I think that overall, no matter if the date is between a guy and a guy, a guy and a girl, or a girl and a girl, they should make an arrangement that makes them both comfortable.”

Eyek Ntekim, a sophomore at American University, has a different opinion.

“Everyone should pay for themselves the first few dates,” says Eyek. “The more you get to know each other, things may change.”

We had guys weigh in, too—Jake, a freshman at American University, would prefer if a girl let him pay on their date. “It’s a courtesy thing. Is it old fashioned? Yeah. But its tradition,” he says.

Dale also shared his insight with us. He explains that he doesn’t mind footing the bill. “I don't mind paying. I've noticed that a lot of women, especially these days, get kind of iffy about men paying for their date,” he says. “I've seen reasons like, 'I don't need a man to pay for my food' and 'He thinks that I'll owe him something if he pays.'”

He sees a woman’s side of the argument, though. “If I'm out with a girl and she offers to split the bill, I won't be offended,” he adds. “Maybe she didn't feel the chemistry and she wouldn't feel right about making someone pay for something that won't lead to anything else.”  

 

Are you already dating?

So, it's not a first date; but that doesn't mean you've necessarily established a system between the two of you.

“Relationships are all about building skills. A vital practice for couples is to learn to be honest with each other and consult through what works best for both of them,” says Alexander. “Whenever we try to impose made-up 'rules' on a relationship about who 'should' do this or that, it seems to block the flow of a couple creating what works best for them.”

Say you're on a date and your SO doesn't offer to pay right away. This is where communication comes in! Though talking about money with someone who's still somewhat new in your life can be awkward and uncomfortable, leaving things unsaid can cause unnecessary tension in the relationship. If your date has paid for the last few dinners, now might be the time for you to step up and offer to pay. If you've been paying for your recent dates and don't feel like you're in a position to pay again, suggest splitting the cost. If you've both been contributing equally up until this point but you're on a date that your SO asked you out on that you're not sure you can pay for, speak up.

“It’s okay to say, “Hey, I like you and I’d love to go out together, but I’m a bit strapped for funds at the moment,” says Alexander.

In the end—does it really matter who pays?

“We tend to add so much meaning and significance to money that doesn’t need to be in the way of a building relationship,” says Alexander.

And she’s right—money shouldn’t be the main focus. It’s okay to ask, “What works best for you?” when you’re out with your date. Don’t let money get in the way of having a 

7 Qualities Our Ideal Guy Best Friend Has

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Looking for the Gordo to your Lizzie? Every girl needs a best guy friend--one that always has her back! Here are the qualities of what we want our ideal best guy friends to be like. Guys of the world, take note! 

1. He'd live next door

The two of you grew up together. Somewhere, underneath where your mom keeps the sewing machine, is a photo album filled with embarrassing pictures of the two of you sharing a bubble bath. Your mothers gossip about the neighbors every Tuesday night on your patio, each with a glass of wine in hand while your fathers stand at the end of the driveway, bonding over sports and gadgets. You can look out of your window and see if his bedroom light is on or off. When you get home from college for the summer, he’s the first friend you see. You are always welcome at his house.

2. He’d protect you even when you don’t want him to

He covers for you with your parents. He pulls you aside at a party to make sure you know what you’re doing before you run off to hook up with the guy from your chem class. He gives your new boyfriend the “if you hurt her” speech without you knowing.

3. He’d be straight up with you

You can talk to him about anything. He’ll tell you what he thinks, no filter. He’ll give you a guy’s perspective on dating, clothing, and hookups. You’re not afraid to ask him for advice because you know he’s not going to judge you. He wants what’s best for you because he knows his mother would kill him if he wanted anything otherwise.

4. He’d force you outside of your comfort zone

He drags you out to see a weird movie that you end up loving. He forces you to come to a social gathering that you would have never gone to voluntarily. He dares you to try a foreign food he heard about on TV. He’s been apart of the majority of your first experiences: the first time driving yourself around without a parent in the car, your first time sneaking out of the house, your first road trip.

5. He’d never fall in love with you

And you would never fall in love with him. No matter how much your friends pester you, you both have an unvoiced understanding on the matter. There will never be rings, an altar or a white dress. At least between the two of you. 

6. He’d have a different group of friends 

Although he’s your best guy friend, you two aren’t attached to the hip. He has a group of friends that like basketball and Teen Wolf while you have your own group that enjoys shopping and finding new places (like the gym) to chill while you go on Tinder. While your two groups of friends merge every so often, it is not an everyday occurrence. There isn’t any bad blood between your separate friends; you two just enjoy having your own networks. 

7. He’d always be there

Even when you two are fighting, when you need him, he comes running. He’s walked you to your dorm room one night after you grudgingly admitted you were too afraid to walk home alone. He’s come to pick you up when your car stalled in the pouring rain. He has never ceased to amaze you with a new surprise every year on your birthday. He may have jerk tendencies, but you know you can always count on him.

7 Unrealistic Dating Expectations You Need to Forget

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Why can’t we ever seem to find our dream guy? We’re constantly inundated with rom-coms, books and advice columns telling us we “deserve” to find Prince Charming… and yet, he is nowhere to be found. Sure, we’ve met some great guys, but no one ever seems to be charming enough or make us laugh all the time or know exactly what we’re thinking every minute of every day. So what gives? 

What we sometimes forget is that our dream guy doesn’t exist (outside of the lives of Disney princess movies, that is!) and that—as much as we hate to admit it—we’re not exactly perfect ourselves. If you want to finally see the potential in the great guy who’s always been there instead of continuing your search for him, there are a few dating expectations you’re going to have to abandon. We talked to some dating experts to get the lowdown on what’s unrealistic to expect from our men.

1. A guy should be willing to fight for you. 

If your guy really thinks you’re worth it, he should be willing to take some pretty crazy risks to keep you on his arm—right?

According to Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, you should only expect a guy to fight so much for your affection, both emotionally and physically. “If your guy really cares about you, he should stand up for you and feel challenged to win your heart over the guys who are competing for you,” she says. But really, there shouldn't be a reason for him to literally “fight” for you.

It’s fair to expect your partner to want the relationship, but what you can’t expect is that he’ll do anything to save it—especially if you’re the one putting your relationship at risk. “It is poor relationship etiquette to play games to get him to ‘fight’ for you,” says Lesli Doares, licensed marriage and family therapist at Balanced Family. “Purposely making him jealous to get him to show much he cares will only bring you trouble.”

So don’t flirt with another guy right in front of your significant other or not text your guy back for three days straight just to see how much he cares; trust that your guy values your relationship instead of testing him to see just how much he does.

2. Your guy should be willing to help you with anything you deem too gross, scary or difficult to deal with yourself. 

A nice guy will kill that scary spider in your shower for you, but a guy who cares about you should also help you realize that the damsel-in-distress act won’t get you anywhere.

“A man who loves you generally wants you to be happy, and will help if that would add to your happiness,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, Founder and President of Intersections Match, a premier full-service selective search, dating/relationship coaching and online dating support firm for Indian singles. “That said… he also typically wants you to be able to stand on your own two feet.” A guy should want to help you assemble your IKEA bookshelf so you can learn and grow, not just to do it for you.

Guys should be willing to help you out, but that doesn’t mean they should always take over and take care of everything for you. “I think if your partner can and wants to help you with these things, that’s fine,” Doares says. “However, it is the expectation that they will that is problematic. Doing things out of love and generosity, not expectation, is the best policy for a healthy relationship.”

Basically, it’s great if your guy wants to help you research grad school programs, but don’t expect that he should start filling out the application forms for you.

3. A guy should pay for everything. 

You may think that if a guy really likes you, he should be willing to dish out any sort of money to keep you happy. And while you may expect your guy to treat you in the beginning of a relationship, Lieberman doesn’t think it’s fair to expect this to last. “Guys should offer to pay for dates,” she says. “But, as the relationship proceeds and you’re going a lot of places together, you can offer to pay for some of the things.” If he’s paying for the expensive concert tickets, then you can offer to pay for dinner beforehand.

Chivalry is nice, but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat your guy now and then, too. “The best rule of thumb to follow is that whoever asks for or arranges the date should pay,” Doares says. “If this is him, he should pay; if it’s you, you should. Once you are in a relationship, things should become more equitable.”

So unless you’re dating an actual prince with an unlimited bank account, your guy will probably appreciate your financial assistance.

4. He should remember everything you tell him. 

How could your guy forget your favorite flavor of ice cream or how you lost your first tooth or what the name of your pet fish was when you were six? Well, can you honestly remember all those things about him?

“Unless you can do the same, you have no ground to stand on,” Doares says. “Even if you can remember everything he tells you, including the minutiae of his favorite sports team or video game, you are setting him and your relationship up for failure.”

You and your guy naturally don’t have the same levels of interest in all things, and it’s fine if you’re more attuned to what you’re interested in. What you must keep in mind is that the reverse is true as well.

It is fair to expect your guys to remember the important things, however. “If he forgets your birthday or something that’s important to you, such as where you want to go to grad school, where you were born or that your parents are divorced, this is not a good sign,” Lieberman says. The best you both can do is put forth your best effort and spend as much time listening as you do sharing.

5. He should always know what you’re thinking.

Sure, you didn’t tell him you were upset that he had to cancel your date last Friday night, but he should just know you are… shouldn’t he?

You may think that people can read you like a book, but you can’t always expect your guy to read you correctly. Even if you think you’ve made it clear you’d rather not go to his friend’s party tonight or that you want to order in sushi for dinner instead of pizza, your guy can’t get on the same page as you unless you say your thoughts out loud.

According to Doares, guys aren’t mind readers, and we shouldn’t treat them as such. “Neither of you can change your personality, but you both are in charge of your behavior,” she explains. It’s up to us to convey to our partner what we’re thinking and feeling rather than expecting him to know that crossing your arms over your chest means you’re hungry and sighing means you’re bored of watching his football game on TV. 

6. Your guy should always know the right thing to say. 

Sure, Ryan Gosling knows just how to charm you—but what you forget sometimes is that Ryan Gosling has all his best lines written for him.

“While Hollywood (or Bollywood) screenwriters always seem to know just the ‘right’ things to say at just the right time, holding men unversed in the script to such an unrealistic standard is a recipe for disappointment,” Ahluwalia says.

Guys can be at a loss for words just as often as you are. As Lieberman points out, “Guys are notorious for saying the wrong thing, especially when they are feeling awkward, nervous or pressured.”

More than anything, you should be cautious when a guy seems a little too smooth. “Any guy who knows the right thing to say before he even knows you should send up warning flags,” Doares says. These are the guys who have mastered the script and will say the right thing to get what they want. Real people fumble sometimes, especially early in a relationship.

If you’re willing to take the time to show your guy what you like and need from him, he’ll say things that will make you happy—and better yet, he’ll mean them.

7. Your guy should make grand gestures that sweep you off your feet. 

Who doesn’t want to be kissed in the rain or get a dozen red roses or ride a chariot into the sunset? According to Doares, however, this is the expectation that needs to be shattered the most. “This desire for grand gestures isn’t about him or about the relationship,” she says. “Real love is what is done when no one can see.”

Whether your guy is bringing you soup when you’re sick, making you dinner when you’ve had a hard day or watching a romantic comedy with you when he really wants to watch the basketball game, little acts of generosity can leave a big impact.

Even though those small, thoughtful gestures can mean a lot more than grand ones, it’s okay to want something other than dinner and a movie sometimes. Your guy may not have all that imagination or courage, but Lieberman says there are ways to make your hopes clear to your guy. “You could drop hints every now and then,” she says. “For example, if you're watching a movie together where a guy brings a girl roses, you could say, ‘I would love it if a guy surprised me with roses for no special occasion other than to show me he cares.’ Wink, wink. But, if he doesn't get the hint, don't push it.”

If your guy is on the shy side, just know that his small gestures are still evidence of how much he cares. 

While we can have expectations set up for ourselves, our relationships become destructive when we create expectations for other people. According to relationship coach Kim Olver, “Expectations are the things that get us in trouble in our relationships and our lives.” Expect your partner to treat you well, to make you feel special and to accept you for whom you are as a person—but never expect your guy to be perfect, or you’ll only end up disappointed. 

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