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- 07/20/18--09:30: _I Did A Thing: I’m ...
- 07/20/18--10:00: _A Waitress In Georg...
- 07/20/18--11:00: _5 Ways to Boost You...
- 07/20/18--21:00: _7 Secrets to Gettin...
- 07/21/18--10:50: _Grab Your Stakes: A...
- 07/21/18--11:00: _How to Freshen Up P...
- 07/21/18--13:22: _17 People Are Dead ...
- 07/21/18--13:27: _Harry Styles Helped...
- 07/21/18--16:00: _5 Reasons Why You S...
- 07/21/18--21:00: _8 Sun Care Mistakes...
- 07/21/18--21:00: _Links We Love 7.22.18
- 07/22/18--09:30: _Fans Of 'The Foster...
- 07/22/18--10:15: _The Internet Is Not...
- 07/22/18--11:00: _4 Signs You Are Too...
- 07/22/18--11:42: _One Person Was Kill...
- 07/22/18--16:00: _7 Email Mistakes Yo...
- 07/22/18--21:00: _6 Ways to Fit a Wor...
- 07/23/18--06:15: _HC Wake-Up Call: Hi...
- 07/23/18--07:00: _'Mamma Mia!: Here W...
- 07/23/18--11:00: _5 Ways to Help Your...
- 07/20/18--09:30: I Did A Thing: I’m Struggling With Self-Love
- 07/20/18--11:00: 5 Ways to Boost Your Energy Without Caffeine
- 07/20/18--21:00: 7 Secrets to Getting Fuller Brows
- 07/21/18--11:00: How to Freshen Up Post-Workout When You Don’t Have Time to Shower
- 07/21/18--13:22: 17 People Are Dead After A Tour Boat Accident In Missouri
- 07/21/18--16:00: 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Gossip About Your Ex
- 07/21/18--21:00: 8 Sun Care Mistakes You're Probably Making
- 07/21/18--21:00: Links We Love 7.22.18
- 07/22/18--11:00: 4 Signs You Are Too Passive in Your Relationship
- 07/22/18--16:00: 7 Email Mistakes You're Making (& How to Fix Them!)
- 07/22/18--21:00: 6 Ways to Fit a Workout Into Your Busy Adult Schedule
- 07/23/18--11:00: 5 Ways to Help Your SO Get Through a Tough Time
I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we've been there). Email email@example.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.
@wantingtolovemyself: Recently I’ve been struggling with self love and being happy in my body. I used to not have a problem with this but it appears to me that my body does not look like it used to, even though I work out consistently and eat healthy. I was wondering if anyone could help me figure out ways to start loving myself again. Thank you so much!!
@helpmehc: Let me just first say that what you’re going through is completely normal. We always have periods of ups and downs when one day we look in the mirror and feel great, and other days we’re wishing we were someone else. The good thing is, there are ways to combat these negative feelings.
First, take a break from social media—even if just for a day. You’d be surprised at the effect social media has on how we feel about ourselves. And you know why? Because comparison is the thief of joy. And when we start to see someone who we think looks better or is doing better than us, we start question our own self. Remember, no one is perfect. NO ONE. And that is OK! Next, take some time to journal and write down all the things that are positives in your life, things you’re grateful for, and those things that you love about yourself. I’m sure you’ll find that list is neverending. Take a minute to just take it all in. Then, find some time to meditate. Believe it or not, meditation is a great way to center yourself and take time to be with you.
When battling moments where I’m lacking self-love and being happy in my body, I also find that self-dates are amazing. So take yourself on a date–go someplace you love and fear no judgement from anyone. Take that time to appreciate all that you are, in the skin that you’re in. Lastly, I want to you to look in the mirror and tell yourself: I am enough. I am enough! You know why this is so important? Because you ARE enough! Nothing and no one should make you feel otherwise.
YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Late last month, a waitress who was groped by a customer while on the job did what we all wish we could do everyday sexual harassers.
Emelia Holden was working at Vinnie Van Go-Go’s when a man grabbed her bottom as he was walking by, according to The Independent. Holden grabbed the man by his shirt, threw him against the wall and yelled at him as he sank to the floor.
Don’t believe it? The CCTV security camera caught it all.
The customer, originally from Florida, was arrested at the Savannah, Georgia restaurant on June 30 around 11 p.m.,Buzzfeed reported. He has since been identified as Ryan Cherwinski and, after reviewing the security camera footage, was charged with sexual battery.
Originally posted to Reddit, the footage of the incident went viral, and received an insanely positive response.
THIS IS NEVER OKAY! YOU’RE NEVER ALLOWED TO TOUCH SOMEONE WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION!
By this woman standing up to this man, she stood up for all women who have been groped by men.https://t.co/mMr09PzXMl
— Fabulous PreMed (@PreMedFabulous) July 20, 2018
Good for her, no man has the right to grope any woman like he did, he’s a piece of garbage for thinking this was acceptable. https://t.co/2ShVH66jyh
— Robin Brazy (@cyclingbeergeek) July 20, 2018
Cherwinski has been out of jail on a $2,500 bond since July 2, according to Buzzfeed.
As college students, many of us often find ourselves crawling out of bed to our coffee pots, stopping by the nearest café in between classes for a much-needed espresso or surrounding ourselves in the library with a cluster of empty paper cups. However, this wild coffee dependency may not be doing us much good (no matter how enticing that cappuccino looks). Here are some ways to bring up your energy level without indulging your caffeine addiction.
1. Water, water, water
Swap out your morning Starbucks for a refreshing glass of H20. The water will not only keep you hydrated, but also kick-start your energy by delivering a surge of oxygen to your system.
“Your body is about 60 to 70 percent water, so dehydration can make you feel fatigued,” says Christina Chiu, a dietitian at Newton-Wellesley Hospital.
“I drink lots and lots of water to stay hydrated throughout the day,” says Kayla Lewkowicz, a recent grad working at a Cambridge start-up. “You really have to listen to your body!”
Wellness expert Peggy Hall recommends that you add fruit slices to your water. “When you put in the slice of fruit, all of the vitamins and minerals that are in the fruit—in terms of your electrolytes like sodium and potassium that keep you hydrated—all of those are going be absorbed in the water,” says Hall. “Now when you’re drinking the water, you’re hydrating yourself better so your brain is going to work better.” Keep chugging that water all day to boost your energy. Your body, your mind and your wallet will thank you.
2. Straighten up, brighten up
Whether you are working at a desk job or studying at your dorm room desk, hunching over a table can be incredibly draining.
Surprisingly enough, just the way you are sitting can determine how energized you are. “You need to sit up straight,” says Hall. “Sitting hunched over is going to zap your energy. You can’t breathe because the lungs are collapsed.” It’s time to make perfect posture a priority.
The light coming from your desk lamp may also be contributing to your midday yawns. According to Hall, compact fluorescent light (CFL) gives off an undetectable flickering. “It’s fatiguing to the eyes and fatiguing to the brain,” she says. Replace the bulb with an LED light and feel much more awake!
3. Smart snacking
When the late afternoon rolls around and you start to fade, many turn to a snack for a caffeine-free boost. However, munching on chips or high-sugar granola bars won’t give you a sustainable, filling source of energy.
“Pair carbohydrates with protein when you eat,” says Chiu. “Putting protein together with a carb ensures that you not only get energy after eating but that it will still be there to sustain you a few hours later.”
“I make peanut butter energy bites that I refrigerate and take to work. It's honey, peanut butter, flax seeds and chocolate chips, rolled in oats,” says Alaina Leary, a graduate student at Emerson College. “I bring them to the office and eat them when I'm tired.”
Sydnee Lyons, a second-year graduate student at Florida Atlantic University, notes that the first meal of the day is the key to her energy upkeep. “What's really been working is having a good breakfast before I do anything else,” she says. “I usually have oatmeal or toast, with a homemade fruit bowl and smoothie on the side.”
Hall suggests a nutrition-packed smoothie. “The green smoothie is my number one go-to for energy throughout the day,” she says. “Anything that’s green that you eat is full of oxygen in the form of chlorophyll … [I]t’s basically stored energy.”
4. Catch some Zzz's
Being the busy collegiettes that we are, getting a good night’s sleep isn’t always an option. When you feel your eyes getting drooping in the late afternoon, opt for a quick midday nap.
“Generally less than 45 minutes is suggested [for a nap],” says Chiu. “This provides your brain the rest it needs to spring back into action. Longer naps will make you more tired because of the different stage of sleep you’ll be waking up from.
“I'm lucky enough to work at a company that encourages quick naps if that's what you need,” says Kayla. “I take advantage of [them] usually once a week.”
5. Get moving
Although it’s pretty counterintuitive, the reason you are exhausted AF could actually be because you haven’t gotten your blood flowing in hours.
“Getting up and taking a walk always helps! It gets your energy flowing and refreshes you,” says Rachel Petty, a senior at James Madison University. Alaina agrees, saying, “I recommend taking a walk, especially if you can get outside even for 15 to 20 minutes.”
“Energy production involves the mitochondria in your body,” says Chiu. “Getting more exercise sends signals to your body to make more mitochondria, which in turn helps your body make more energy.” She recommends heading outside, as sunshine is known to boost serotonin, your body’s natural happy hormone.
The next time you find yourself reaching for the coffee pot, try out these some of these natural tips to pump up your energy. You may be able to finally say goodbye to long lines waiting for a double espresso and caffeine-withdrawal headaches!
It’s time to stop lusting over the girls with killer brows on Instagram and take matters into your own hands. You’ve seen celebs like Cara Delevingne sporting enviably thick eyebrows, and even though you may not be naturally blessed with big brows, you can totally pretend. We've got all the secrets you need, right here:
1. Use coconut oil
Seriously, what doesn’t this stuff work on? Jasmine Fain from Oklahoma State University believes in giving her brows some extra TLC by massaging some coconut oil into them. Coconut oil is packed with vitamins and fatty acids, which gives your brows all they need to grow, grow, grow.
This is a quick stepping stone to thicker eyebrows because you can leave it on overnight and not have to add an extra five minutes to your beauty routine the next morning. Simply dip a cotton swab in coconut oil and apply it generously to your eyebrows. It should sink into your brow hairs overnight, but if it doesn’t, dab with a paper towel in the morning to remove any excess coconut oil.
2. Find a quality brow tint
Brow tints are perfect if you want to go bold without risking over-filling your eyebrows. Amanda Jones, a junior at Western University swears by Etude House Tint My 4-Tip Brow ($11.10 at Etude House) but she recommends it with a warning.
“My top trick is to not use too much,” she says, adding, “The biggest problem girls have is that they use far too much product and end up overdoing their brows.”
How can you practice your brown tinting skills, you may ask? Take your hand and practice your brush stroke so you can get a feel on how heavy or light your hand needs to be to achieve the ideal tint for you.
If an at-home brow tint makes your nervous, plenty of salons offer brow tinting that can last you a couple of weeks.
3. Color ’em in
If you’ve got time in your schedule to color in your brows, Glossier’s Boy Brow product ($16 at Glossier) is a fan favorite.
Isabel Calkins, a junior at New York University, says, “It keeps your natural shape but just adds texture and volume. Basically giving you flawless brows.”
Boy Brow is available in three shades, as well as in clear, and the gel-based formula lets you fake a natural brow thickness while the brush combs through your existing brow hair to make it look more neat and refined. This product is perfect for those no-makeup days because a nice thick brow will still make a statement without all of the fuss other makeup causes.
4. Keep them clean
Some of us are blessed with naturally thick brows, and it’s a beautiful thing. In order to keep them looking full and to keep us from looking like fools, you have to tame them. Lina* has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which causes her hair to grow back quickly. Even if you aren’t dealing with a condition like PCOS, sometimes genetics make your eyebrows grow in faster than normal, which can make salon visits too frequent and costly.
“I use small facial razors to get the hair in between my brows and then I like to tweeze my brow hair because it gives me more control so I can get a more precise arch and try to avoid the ‘brows are sisters, not twins’ saying,” she says.
Practice makes perfect when it comes to your brows, so when you’re taking a razor to them, you have to remember to go slow.
5. Spread on a serum
If your sparse brows are getting you down and you’re too busy to pencil them in, do an overnight treatment. The Benefit BROWVO! Conditioning Primer ($12 at Sephora) can be worn overnight, so it lets you sleep while it does all of the work to condition your brows with keratin and soy proteins. It's also super easy to keep on your nightstand and apply right before you doze off.
Letting your brows grow in thicker with the help of vitamins will give you the shape that fits your face the best. After all, no one knows better than Mother Nature!
6. Stick to a brow pomade over the traditional pencil
Think about how fast pencil eyeliner can fade and smudge—would you want your brows melting off when you break a sweat running to class? No, we didn’t think so! To make sure your brows look as natural as possible (and stay that way), brow pomade beats an eyebrow pencil any day of the week.
Cult classic DIPBROW Pomade ($18 at Sephora) offers a range of colors and a waterproof formula that makes sure you can count on your brows to be full and fabulous until the end of the day.
7. Stay loyal when it comes to the salon
When it comes to your brows, don't play any games. A trip to the salon can make your eyebrows look heinous or amazing, so don't be afraid to spend a little time and money finding a professional who knows what they're doing. After all, your eyebrows are a very distinct feature! Amber Ellsworth, who works at Swank Hair Studio in Pittsburgh, PA, warns against salon-hopping when it comes to your brows.
"Stay regular with your waxing or threading, and stay loyal once you find someone who does them how you like them," she says. "Nothing is worse than letting your and your stylist's hard work go to waste."
If you keep going to the same salon, you're going to ease the eyebrow styling experience and you're never going to be disappointed with the results.
Ellsworth gives one more piece of advice: "Resist the urge to tweeze!"
If you follow these tips, bold brows are certainly in your future. To find the best way to figure out your eyebrow routine, give everything a trial run. If you find out that you’re always waking up 10 minutes before class, an overnight or long-lasting brow treatment is for you. But if you’re an early riser, shaping and filling may be the ticket to gorgeous brows. Find your beauty routine and show the world that with a good brow, you can conquer anything.
More than 20 years after the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered, it appears that a new iteration of the show is about to do the same. Joss Whedon, the creator of the wildly popular series, is set to executive produce a reboot — this time with a black actress in the lead role of Buffy Summers.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, 20th Century Fox is developing the modern vampire drama. Monica Owusu-Breen, who worked with Whedon on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., is expected to run and write the show.
The original Buffy the Vampire Slayer concluded back in 2003 after seven seasons, but its cult status has kept it timeless. The show is often lauded as one of the best of all time, and Buffy's character, made famous by Sarah Michelle Gellar, continues to be dubbed a feminist icon.
The show followed Buffy as she navigated the perils of high school (and eventually college and the workforce), dating, and friendship — but mostly, her continued battle against evil forces like vampires and demons.
THR reported that Fox began discussing a reboot last fall, but it wasn't until Breen was chosen to serve as showrunner that the idea moved forward. Gail Berman, Joe Earley, Fran Kazui, and Kaz Kazui are also on board as executive producers. A network is not yet attached, and a script, director and casting are also undetermined at the time. What is known, according to sources who spoke to THR, is that the reboot will be "contemporary" and "build on the mythology of the original."
Just last year, Whedon had expressed apprehension about bringing Buffy back. "I see a little bit of what I call monkey's paw in these reboots. You bring something back, and even if it's exactly as good as it was, the experience can't be," Whedon told THR in March 2017. "You've already experienced it, and part of what was great was going through it for the first time. You have to meet expectations and adjust it for the climate, which is not easily. Luckily most of my actors still look wonderful, but I'm not worried about them being creaky. I'm more worried about me being creaky as a storyteller. You don't want that feeling that you should have left before the encore."
Though some are certainly excited about the possibility of a new Buffy, the reactions on Twitter seemed to resonate with Whedon's initial apprehension.
OMG @lindablacker THEY'RE REBOOTING BUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WAKE UP THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BUT HOW IS IT GOING TO BEAT THE ORIGINAL?????????????
— Rose Ellen Dix 🌹 (@RoseEllenDix) July 21, 2018
I don’t want a reboot of Buffy, & I get itchy about gender/race flips in general... but ya know, if it’s good, I’ll be psyched.
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) July 21, 2018
They’re making a revamped BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. My old version of BUFFY will still exist and still be awesome and this new one could also exist and be awesome at the same time! See how I did that, Ghost bros?
— Amanda Jeronimus (@burningberry) July 20, 2018
Also, I’m not interested in seeing a black slayer take on the role of Buffy or even seeing gender and race bent reboots. It’s boring and insulting. We deserve our own mythology.
— Angelica Jade (@angelicabastien) July 20, 2018
I do not care for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot unless it's about another Slayer!
The original series was perfect, they don't need to re do it!!!!
Can we get over this reboot era, I'm BORED of it!
— Kelsey Ellison⚡️ (@KelseyEllison) July 21, 2018
We don’t need a woke Charmed reboot and we don’t need a woke Buffy reboot.
We need original shows with textured lead characters of color. We need to understand that nonwhite characters can sustain rich and lasting universes of their own. pic.twitter.com/BSQe8pT70i
— Jose A. Del Real (@jdelreal) July 21, 2018
can we please not reboot buffy.
you know what would be awesome? a story about an entirely new and different slayer and the universe around her.
or you know, just greenlight a new horror/supernatural show by another creative.
— Kate Sánchez (@OhMyMithrandir) July 21, 2018
TBH, Gellar as Buffy is going to be hard to beat — but I, for one, will definitely be watching anything related to the original series.
Sometimes, when we say we don't have time to work out, we really mean it. It's not just the time on the treadmill we're talking about—it's the warm-up, the workout and everything that comes after—a shower, makeup refresh and the like. Well, lack of time won’t be a valid excuse anymore. We talked to both college women and Dr. Elizabeth Hale, a clinical associate professor of dermatology at New York University and vice president of the Skin Cancer Foundation, about how to freshen up after a workout when you have no time to shower.
1. Blot away excess oil
When it comes to cleaning your skin after a workout, you've got options. Blotting pads are a great place to start because they wipe off all the excess sweat and oil on your skin before you wash your face.
2. Clean your skin with salicylic acid
Nothing really beats washing your face with your trusted face wash and a washcloth, but sometimes you might find yourself in a real rush. Easy solution? Face wipes with salicylic acid (like Clearasil pads) will help to keep acne away, according to Dr. Hale.
3. Use face and body wipes
Facial and body wipes are some of the most recommended ways college women and Dr. Hale suggest to freshen up quickly. Margeaux Biché, a junior at Barnard College, uses wet facial wipes after she works out. “The wipes (which you can get for really cheap at places like TJ Maxx) make me feel nice and freshened up after getting grimy after exercise or sweating of any kind,” Margeaux says. But you don’t have to limit it to just your face; all-over body wipes are a total lifesaver too! They can make you feel as refreshed as you would if you had actually taken a shower.
Going all-natural at the gym has its perks. “When you’re working out, your skin is primed for absorption,” Dr. Hale says. Because of this, it’s easy for your skin to drink up any foundation or creams you may have put on your face. This is actually really cool, if you make it work for you. Instead of putting on foundation, Dr. Hale uses an antioxidant serum (she recommends Skinceuticals) on her face, which helps to counteract skin damage from the environment. In other words, it detoxes your skin while you're breaking a sweat. But if you don’t want to go all-natural, Dr. Hale says waterproof mascara and lipstick are fine to wear while working out.
5. Don’t forget deodorant
As for the rest of the body, deodorant is always a safe bet for beating B.O. On top of that, Women’s Health recommends using baby powder to dry off your skin and changing into a fresh set of clothes if you can’t hop in the shower. Speaking of clean clothes...
6. Get out of your sweaty clothes pronto
Dr. Hale stresses one of the best ways to stay fresh is to immediately change clothes when you’re done working out. Otherwise, the sweat and grime will build up on your skin, causing bacteria. Dr. Hale recommends changing into a cotton shirt because the material is the best when it comes to allowing the skin to breathe.
1. Dry shampoo is life
We straight up owe our lives to dry shampoo. College women swear by the stuff—because who has time to shampoo, right?
Lexi Hill, a junior at the University of South Carolina, has a whole procedure for this kind of thing. “When I don’t have time to shower after a workout, I normally blow dry my hair by using the cool setting on the blow dryer. And then, once it's dry, I put dry shampoo near my roots and a smoothing product on my ends. After that, I style however I’d like,” she says.
2. Baby powder—yes, you read that right
The real aim here is just to absorb the excess moisture from your scalp and be able to make your hair look clean. Baby powder is great for that reason, and it can do double-duty by working on both your skin and hair. Baby powder sounds like a weird product to use, but Elizabeth Lloyd, a senior at Minnesota State University, Mankato, says it works like a charm. “It sounds weird and scary at first but it works miracles! Sprinkle as much or as little as you need, let it sit a few seconds and work your fingers through your hair. All the white powder goes away and your hair is left fresh!” she says. To get rid of the smell, Elizabeth says she sprays a little perfume over it to diffuse the scent. If you don’t have baby powder, Margeaux says she’s had luck with powder deodorant too, which does essentially the same thing as dry shampoo and baby powder.
3. Own that ponytail, work that updo!
Even if dry shampoo can work miracles, wearing your hair down after a workout doesn't always have you feeling your best. Luckily, styles like buns and braids are perfect for tying your hair back in a pinch while still making it look great. If you need gym hair inspo, we've got you covered.
Obviously there’s nothing that beats a shower after a sweat sesh, but we’re busy women! So if you have to cut time, these options are a great substitute to make you feel fresh and clean sans shower.
The particular boat was owned by Ride the Ducks, a national sightseeing tour agency that operates a number of similar duck boats, which move along both land and water. Jim Pattison Jr., the president of Ride the Ducks' parent company, Ripley Entertainment, has since stated that the boat that sunk "shouldn't have been in the water."
Authorities say 17 people are dead after a duck boat carrying 31 people capsized and sank on Table Rock Lake in Branson, Missouri; the boat "shouldn't have been in the water," the tour company's owner says https://t.co/ORg81EdFxSpic.twitter.com/xBHxHqlRmH
— CBS Evening News (@CBSEveningNews) July 20, 2018
Prior to the accident, a severe thunderstorm warning had been issued. The National Weather Service also reported wind gusts of more than 60 mph. Though the National Transportation Safety Board, Coast Guard and other agencies are currently investigating what exactly happened, Stone County Sheriff Doug Rader said he believed the boat sank because of rough water conditions. The vessel was found about 80 feet below the surface of the lake, resting on its wheels, on Friday.
A total of 31 people were aboard the boat as it sank. According to The Los Angeles Times, fewer than half survived, and seven were injured. The victims ranged in age from 1 to 76.
The Coleman family from the Indianapolis area was especially affected by the tragedy, as nine members of the family — including four children — were among the victims. According to FOX49, two relatives survived. One of them, Tia Coleman, said the captain of the boat told her family not to worry about grabbing life jackets.
Absolutely terrible. This is a photo of the Coleman family before they got on the duck boat in Missouri. Only two of them survived.
(from WTHR) pic.twitter.com/Daz6ZqNjta
— Steve Lookner (@lookner) July 21, 2018
"My husband would want me to say this – he would want the world to know that on this boat we were on, the captain had told us ‘don’t worry about grabbing the life jackets – you won’t need them’ so nobody grabbed them as we listened to the captain as he told us to stay seated," Tia said. "However in doing that, when it was time to grab them, it was too late and I believe that a lot of people could have been spared."
Per The New York Times, the Coast Guard requires life jackets to be available for each passenger on a boat; however, it's up to the crew to decide when to instruct passengers to wear them. Pattison said Ride the Ducks' boats are always stocked with life jackets, but people don't have to wear them.
— IndyStar (@indystar) July 21, 2018
The boat's captain survived and was taken to the hospital. According to the NYT, he had more than 26 years of experience on the lake. Another crew member, who was tasked with driving the vehicle on land, died.
The last show of Harry Styles' tour was one to remember, but not just for him. During his show, Harry ended up helping an 18-year-old fan named Grace come out to her mom.
The San Jose, California show was actually Grace's tenth. According to BuzzFeed News, she was spending her summer traveling the West Coast with friends, attending a number of Harry's concerts. For this one, Grace made a double-sided sign that read, "I traveled 2,846 miles to be here tonight thank you for 10 incredible shows," and "I'm gonna come out to my parents because of you!!!"
the double sided poster for tonight !!! I’m not expecting anything but I hope he at least sees it pic.twitter.com/6nlMTu9nHG
— Grace (@takehismedicine) July 12, 2018
Grace told BuzzFeed News she wanted Harry to see the sign so he'd know how much his music has impacted her life and the lives of others.
"He's a proud supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and he's made a lot of fans feel comfortable and proud to be who they are and I'm just one example of that," she said.
Lucky for Grace, Harry not only saw the poster, but he stopped mid-show to ask her if he could read it aloud. "I was in complete shock when he acknowledged it because there were many other fans in the pit that night with signs," Grace said.
I’m Bi 🏳️🌈 ! This year I’ve really become proud of who I am and I’ve slowly been coming out to my friends over the past couple of months. Harry’s shows are an amazing environment where I have felt safe and accepted and last night Harry Styles himself helped me come out to my parents and it is something I will never ever forget. WEST COAST HAS MY HEART I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WAS WITH ME TO EXPERIENCE THIS ESPECIALLY @breannmayes AND @ella.rh Thank you endlessly @harrystyles “TINA SHE’S GAY”
The moment was captured in a video, and Harry can be seen asking Grace for her mother's name. After Grace explained that she was actually in a hotel a few miles away, Harry hushed the crowd and yelled, "TINA, SHE'S GAY!"
@Harry_Styles Thank you so much for creating an environment where I am proud to be who I am. Your continuous support of the LGBTQ+ has helped me come to love myself and feel safe. Thank you for tonight and I can’t wait to show Tina (my mom) this video. Love you always. pic.twitter.com/Kk5FJVYemB
— Grace (@takehismedicine) July 12, 2018
He added, "Tina says she loves ya. Congratulations, I'm very happy for you."
After the show, Grace rushed to the hotel to reveal that she's bisexual and relay the story to her mom, who ended up being "overjoyed."
“TINA SHE’S GAY”
I SHOWED MY MOM THE VIDEOS FROM TONIGHT. SHE IS OVERJOYED AND SAYS THAT “YES I DO LOVE YOU AND YOU CAN BE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE” SHE WANTS TO THANK HARRY FOR HELPING ME COME OUT and she has decided to come to LA Night 1 with me :)
Thank you @Harry_Styles💓 pic.twitter.com/vB0kpAImUv
— Grace (@takehismedicine) July 12, 2018
"Yes I do love you and you can be whoever you want to be," Grace's mom told her.
The whirlwind of a night was definitely special for Grace. "To have Harry not only read my sign but ask my name and my mother's and help me come out to her meant the absolute world to me," she said. "I’ve been a fan of Harry (and One Direction) since 2011 and to have someone who’s been so important in your life share such a monumental moment with you is so incredibly special."
It doesn’t matter who you are; a breakup is a shitty experience for everyone. If only all of the negative feelings associated with your ex could just magically disappear—but, unfortunately, they can’t. There are many things you should do to heal from a breakup, and there are many things you shouldn’t do. What’s one of them? Gossiping about your ex.
No matter how much resentment you hold toward your ex, you should avoid speaking badly about them. If you’re wondering why, look no further! We’ve consulted April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert, to spill the truth on this unhealthy habit.
1. Your ex is your ex for a reason
You’ve heard it before, collegiettes: leave the past in the past! By gossiping about your ex, you are inadvertently carrying him or her into your future, and you cannot successfully move on this way.
Masini reiterates this point. “Bringing your ex back into your life by gossiping doesn’t help you move forward,” she says. “Start spending your energy on new, fresh, positive people and things. Let your ex fade into the background!” When a chapter in your life finishes, don’t keep rereading it. Move onto the next one (hint: it’s probably a better one, anyway)!
2. It's bad branding for yourself
You should always prioritize your relationships with other people, but never at the expense of your own reputation. After all, you’re stuck with yourself for life! When you gossip about an ex, not only are you hurting their image, but you're also hurting your own.
Think of yourself as a brand and this gossiping as bad branding. “When you gossip about anyone, you’re speaking ill of them,” Masini says. “That ends up making you look worse than anything bad you had to say about that ex. Do you really want to be a person who’s known for spreading negativity?” No matter how much this person might have hurt you, you can rise above the pain by acting mature.
3. You could be distorting the truth
If you’ve ever had a rumor spread about you, you know that it is usually based on a lie someone made up to hurt you. You also know how annoying it can be to get people to believe the truth! Why would you want to distort the truth for someone else? Trust us, it is not worth it.
“Gossip is at least once removed from the truth—and often twice, three times or more removed,” she says. “You know what happens when you whisper down the lane: you get a distorted truth. Chances are, the gossip you are spreading isn’t true.” Stop with the lies and get off the gossip train!
Additionally, when you gossip about your ex, you become part of the gossip about your ex. “The story will be told that YOU said such and such about your ex, and now you’re not just listening or telling gossip, you’re part of the story,” Masini says. Once again, you're hurting your own image.
4. It prevents you from actually feeling single
Think about it, ladies: how will you ever truly understand what it means to be single if you keep bringing up a previous relationship? Newsflash: you won’t.
By gossiping about an ex, you are engaging in his or her life. “In your mind, you’re back together in some form,” Masini says. “This keeps you from really feeling single and until you feel single, you can’t truly move on and find fresh, new love with someone else.” Stop the gossip and open your heart to someone new.
5. It can make things awkward
If you dated your ex for a long time, chances are you have mutual friends. Please, for the sake of everyone involved, don’t make it awkward for those people. Gossiping about your ex puts your friends in an uncomfortable position. No matter how much you dislike this person, it really isn’t fair to expect others to do the same.
For Kristen, a student at UNC Chapel Hill, speaking ill of your ex does nothing but foster bitterness. “Talking about your ex can be unappealing to people around you, and can make you look catty and spiteful,” she says. “If you and your ex have mutual friends, it may put them in an awkward position.” Just because you aren’t friends with your ex doesn't mean you have to have bad blood.
Rachel Petty, a senior at James Madison University, feels similarly. “My ex and I are in the same friend group, so anything either of us says is bound to get back to the other,” she says. “Also, we used to be super close and still care about each other, so there’s no reason to throw around negativity!” We couldn't agree more.
A breakup will never ever be an enjoyable experience, collegiettes. No matter how hurt you may feel, keep this in mind and understand that better days are ahead—but the only way to get to the good days is to let go of the bad days. You’re too good to be wasting your time gossiping about your ex, so just don’t do it!
With summer comes time spent outside, whether that means going on bike rides, sipping on cold cocktails or swimming in the ocean. But with more hours underneath the sun’s strong rays, we have to make a few changes in our daily routines—especially if those include lying on the beach. To keep your skin looking healthy, make sure you aren’t running into these common mistakes during the sunny months ahead.
1. "I work inside, so I don't need to wear sunscreen."
Just because you spend most of your day hiding from the sun, you aren’t immune to sun damage. “Sunscreen should be worn year-round for anti-aging benefits,” says Dr. Carl Thornfeldt, dermatologist and founder of Epionce Skin Care. “UVA exposure occurs even through windows or on a cloudy day.”
Don’t work near a window? You’re still not safe! Fluorescent bulbs also give off UV rays (who knew?!) so unless you're typing away in the dark, sunscreen up!
2. "I don't need to reapply."
“I don’t always reapply,” admits Reilly Tuccinard, a rising junior at the University of South Carolina. “Sometimes I forget, and sometimes it’s just annoying.”
If you’re playing in the pool, amid an intense game of beach volleyball or just too lazy to reach for that tube of Coppertone, reapplying can seem like a burden—and one we often choose to ignore.
“Reapplication of sunscreen is important because over time, sweat and water exposure, as well as just the pH of your skin, break down the sunscreen ingredients,” says Dr. Thornfeldt.
So don’t forget to lather up throughout the day, or you might as well be wearing no sunscreen at all.
3. "Once I get tan, my skin is less likely to get damaged by the sun."
A lot us believe that once we get our “base tan,” meaning our skin has gotten a shade or two darker, we don’t need to worry as much about getting burnt. According to Dr. Thornfeldt, this actually means you have more to worry about.
“Sunscreen works best by binding to the skin's surface,” he says. “If your skin barrier is damaged, the sunscreen won’t work as well because it doesn’t have as much surface area to bind to.”
So don’t forget to use a good post-sun product to repair your bronzed bod before getting back under the rays. Dr. Thornfeldt recommends the Epionce Renewal Facial products to ward off effects of sun damage.
4. "Spray or lotion? I don't care. It's all basically the same."
Applying spray sunscreen can give you a quarter of the SPF protection that the label promises, whereas lotion tends to give you about a half. So unless you plan on spraying your body four times over, you might be better off going for the rub-down.
If it’s any further incentive, applying lotion makes covering your entire body evenly much easier. You may get your hands oily, but at least you won’t leave the beach looking like a tanned zebra.
5. "I spend about a half hour outside before I put sunscreen on."
“I spend 30 minutes on each side before putting sunscreen on,” says Katie, a rising junior at Northwestern University. “[It’s] so I have something to show for my day in the sun.”
Like Katie, many women may believe that the short time window without sunscreen allows for a quick tan with little damage, but lying out before putting on sunscreen actually makes the sunscreen itself pretty useless. Dr. Thornfeldt says that in order for sunscreen to work best, you need to apply it when your skin is cool and dry, not hot and sweaty.
Be sure to lather up before you step outside. If you’re already out and looking to reapply, jump in a pool or the ocean to cool down your skin, dry off with a towel, and you’ll be ready to absorb that sun protector.
6. "I don't need sunglasses."
Majorly false. Not only will sunglasses help you see better underneath bright sunlight, but they will actually protect your eyes from a variety of diseases that can be brought on by too much UV exposure.
Since sunglasses are a must-have on your summer adventures, you have an excuse to treat yourself to a great new accessory. Snag a cute new pair of shades to ensure your eyes are haute, not hot.
7. "I found this tube of sunscreen from middle school! Now I don’t need to buy more."
Uh, let’s think twice about this one. If you’re going to toss pretty much every makeup product you own after two years, then you shouldn’t treat sunscreen any differently. Once three years have passed, it’s time to take a trip to your nearest drugstore.
Don’t know how long you’ve had that half-used bottle of spray sunblock? Check for an expiration date on the bottle. If you can’t remember the last time you bought sunscreen, you’re better off trashing it and buying some new stuff. Here’s a tip: label all your new purchases with the date you bought them, so you don’t find yourself wasting perfectly good sunscreen next summer.
8. "The sunscreen in my makeup is enough."
Although your tinted moisturizer may be SPF 15, your daily makeup routine isn’t totally protecting your skin.
Before you start evening out your skin tone, apply a layer of sunscreen to your face. Let it soak in—blot away the excess with a tissue to keep skin from appearing oily—and then go ahead and reach for your cosmetics bag. The more protected your skin is now, the less coverup you’ll need later in life!
Taking on the summer sun can be tons of fun. Just don’t forget to make sure you’re fully protected before you do!
Life lessons we learned from Clueless. [HelloGiggles]
Natural hair care tips if you wear a hijab. [allure]
Photo editing apps to up your Instagram game. [Cosmopolitan]
The best hard ciders to drink if you're trying to lose weight. [Women's Health]
Turn your toxic emotions into positive actions. [The New York Times]
When it comes to sex, what do Americans really want? [USA Today]
These waterproof beauty products are perfect for the beach. [E! Online]
The best time to eat fruit. [Elite Daily]
The unicorn food trend needs to stop. [Spoon University]
The teenager fighting against child marriage in Bangladesh. [Vice]
The Fosters is far from over. The Freeform drama series wrapped last month, but the show's spin-off, Good Trouble, will include more of the original characters than predicted. According to Deadline, Teri Polo and Sherri Saum are set to guest star.
Good Trouble will follow Callie (Maia Mitchell) and Mariana (Cierra Ramirez) — who are also IRL BFFs – as they move out of the Fosters home and to Los Angeles to pursue their careers. Their moms, played by Polo and Saum, are the first cast members from The Fosters confirmed to make guest appearances.
It's unlikely that they'll be the last, though. "We plan to have all characters from the original series make guest appearances,"said Freeform Executive Vice President Karey Burke.
Mitchell previously spoke with Her Campus about Good Trouble, and how the show will work.
"It takes place about a year after—right after where the finale of The Fosters left us. So, Callie and Mariana have relocated to Los Angeles. They’re living downtown and they’re kind of lost. They have a lot of new roommates, and there’s going to be a lot of new characters," she said. "Callie is a first-year law clerk, so she’s working for a conservative judge, which she’s going to kind of struggle with and kind of try to reconcile throughout the season. And Mariana is working at a tech startup and kind of fighting the patriarchy. It’s quite political."
Good Trouble where we play lawyers doing legal things and saying law stuff. Law https://t.co/2ykw1UnurG
— Maia Mitchell (@MaiaMitchell) July 10, 2018
The Fosters will still play a role in the spin-off, too.
"You’re going to see, basically, the heart of The Fosters and what was so relatable about The Fosters, just through a different lens. I’m really excited about it," Mitchell said. "We’re about a month into shooting, and it’s so much fun. This new cast is so talented and there’s also some of the cast from our Fosters family as well. So, it’s really exciting, and I’m really looking forward to it."
SAME. Deadlinereported that production on Good Trouble has begun, and the show is expected to premiere in 2019.
Netflix released a trailer for its upcoming series Insatiable on Thursday, and though the preview of the show certainly got people talking on social media, the reason probably wasn't one that the streaming giant wanted.
In what's being billed as a "dark comedy,"Insatiable follows Patty (played by Debby Ryan), a high school student who is bullied and dubbed "Fatty Patty" because of her size. After being punched in the face by one of the people participating in this bullying, Patty spends a summer with her jaw wired shut, and loses a dramatic amount of weight as a result. Upon returning to school, Patty realizes she's now conventionally attractive — so she sets out on a journey to exact revenge on everyone who once mistreated her.
— insatiable (@insatiable_) July 19, 2018
Many people took issue with the show's supposed use of the tired "formerly fat" trope, which has made appearances in shows like One Tree Hill, Pretty Little Liars, Glee, and more. Revelist described this character archetype best: "You've heard the story in movies and on television over and over and over again: chubby girl who is constantly bullied and ignored becomes thin and, coincidentally, important."
this is a good example of why i grew up insecure and thought i would never be loved because of my size. give us a story where the fat girl stays fat, struggles, but learns to accept her body and overcomes societal standards. #insatiablehttps://t.co/v9WchYgKVG
— lacey (@geamxs) July 19, 2018
This new Netflix bullshit, Insatiable, can 10000% fuck off. Is it trying to ride the ~body posi~ wave? Does it think it’s radical? Or does it know it’s bullshit and doesn’t care?
— Bert (@bethanyrutter) July 19, 2018
Oh @netflix you really fucked up with one...
“While my classmates were out losing their virginity, I was at home stuffing ANOTHER hole.”
Really?!? Ooooo bitch, I’m on the verge of a Netflix boycott. #netflix#fatshaming#Insatiablehttps://t.co/QE4r3JY1Sz
— Amanda Hunt (@tinuvielly) July 19, 2018
yeah, don't watch the utter bs that @insatiable_ is gonna turn out to be. anything that starts with a thin actress in a fat suit who loses weight and becomes desirable in HS is toxic
love, a "fatty" with a brain pic.twitter.com/JB3sJYWcF3
— lydia hephzibah 📚 (@lydiauthor) July 19, 2018
Though the main argument against the show is its alleged perpetuation of the notion that you can only be desirable or have a sense of self-worth when you're thin, some have also taken issue with the fact that Ryan wears a fat suit for her portrayal of "Fatty Patty."
The show Insatiable on @netflix looks like a piece of utter trash. Don't watch shows where people wear fat suits. Don't watch shows where they try to turn fat phobia and hatred into a joke.
— Amanda Levitt (@FatBodyPolitics) July 19, 2018
Do not watch Insatiable on @netflix. Let it burn to the ground. Watch Dietland instead. Let fat people play fat characters. Let us tell our own stories.
— Amanda Levitt (@FatBodyPolitics) July 19, 2018
Instead of hiring thin actresses to play fat characters in a fat suit how about we hire fat actresses 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ and while we’re at it let’s not promote that the only way to be happy is through losing weight 🤷♀️ @insatiable_
— Lizzie Gruhl (@lizzie_gruhl) July 19, 2018
This is about a fat girl who is treated like shit and then loses weight and gets revenge on people because she's thin now. It stars a thin actress wearing a fat suit. Please note that you do not have to become "hot now" to live your best life. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. https://t.co/zRRWBXs0I6
— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) July 19, 2018
Plus, the main reason Patty loses the weight she does is because she wasn't eating.
• promotes fat-shaming
• teaches young people that if you don’t eat, you’ll become skinny and desirable
• romanticizes revenge fantasies
• shows that you’re only deserving of love and popularity if you fall into society’s definition of beauty
— jenna 106 (@jennajozeph) July 20, 2018
Just saw the trailer for Insatiable. I hear the actors and team behind it are asking us to look beyond the trailer but trailers are supposed to entice us - this trailer repelled me. How in any world is weight loss from a jaw being forced shut inspiring? Do they know what implies?
— Nabela (@Nabela) July 20, 2018
people wonder why young girls develop eating disorders and then make shows like insatiable where they imply starvation from a wired jaw is what made her skinny and pretty lmao gross
— tiff (@VALENTlNOBIX) July 19, 2018
Some people were so upset with Insatiable that an online petition calling for Netflix to cancel it quickly made the rounds on the internet. It currently has more than 60,000 signatures. "For so long, the narrative has told women and young impressionable girls that in order to be popular, have friends, to be desirable for the male gaze, and to some extent be a worthy human...that we must be thin," the petition reads. "The toxicity of this series, is bigger than just this one particular series. This is not an isolated case, but part of a much larger problem that I can promise you every single woman has faced in her life, sitting somewhere on the scale of valuing their worth on their bodies, to be desirable objects for the male gaze. That is exactly what this series does. It perpetuates not only the toxicity of diet culture, but the objectification of women's bodies."
Florence Givens, the petition's author, continued: "This series needs to be cancelled. The damage control of releasing this series will be far worse, insidious and sinister for teenage girls, than it will be damaging for Netflix in their loss of profit."
"The release is set to be the 10th of August, we still have time to stop this series from being released, and causing a devastation of self-doubt in the minds of young girls who will think that to be happy and be worthy, they need to lose weight," Givens wrote. "This series will cause eating disorders, and perpetuate the further objectification of women's bodies. The trailer has already triggered people with eating disorders. Let's stop this, and protect further damage."
In a statement to BuzzFeed News, Givens reiterated her disdain for Insatiable's "toxic message."
"[The show] makes fatness look like something a woman must 'overcome' and this is an incredibly toxic message to be drilling into the minds of young, impressionable women," she said.
Ryan has since responded to the backlash in an Instagram post. "As someone who cares deeply about the way our bodies, especially women’s, are shamed and policed in society, I was so excited to work on Insatiable because it’s a show that addresses and confronts those ideas through satire," Ryan's note began. “Satire is a way to poke fun at the hardest things, bring darkness into the light, and enter difficult conversations."
"I have to laugh at my pain, otherwise I’ll dissolve and weep and get stuck instead of working through it," Ryan continued. "It’s a coping mechanism and, for a lot of people who are telling these stories, a healing mechanism. Over the last few days I’ve seen how many voices are protective and fiercely outspoken about the themes that come into play in this story. I’m grateful for that, and comforted by it, because I want those stories told right too."
"Twelve years into my own struggles with body image, struggles that took me in and out of terrible places I never want to go again, things I choose every day to leave behind, I was drawn to this show’s willingness to go to real places about how difficult and scary it can be to move through the world in a body, whether you’re being praised or criticized for its size, and what it feels like to pray to be ignored because it’s easier than being seen," Ryan said. "It was very important to Lauren Gussis, our writer and showrunner from whose brain and heart and life the character of Patty was born, as well as to me, that any scenes where Patty was heavier don’t use her size as a punchline, and never justify the abuse she suffers. The humor is not in the fat-shaming (or thin-shaming, slut-shaming, virgin-shaming, ‘glam-shaming,’ for fans of Arie’s season of the Bachelor…). The redemption is in identifying the bullies and saying 'this is not okay.'"
"Patty had the same brain, the same sense of humor and style, soul and heart, the same chucks, but felt like she didn't matter to anyone until she was thin. She didn't have the same opportunities, and she was treated worse, which is what triggers her rage," Ryan continued. "And Patty doesn't starve herself skinny. She snaps and undergoes a physical transformation, but it doesn't make her more happy. We're not in the business of fat shaming. We're out to turn a sharp eye on broken, harmful systems that equate thinness with worth."
"I want more women to keep telling their stories and through that, face the gutting realities that bog us down every day. I'm grateful to be on a show by whip-smart female creators that aims to dissect the insidious pressures we place on young women," Ryan wrote, concluding the note. "I hope fans will wait and watch the show before passing judgment. If you go for this ride, I think you’ll recognize both yourself and the things that make you mad about our fractured and beauty-obsessed culture."
Alyssa Milano, who also stars in the show, took to Twitter to defend it. "We are not shaming Patty," she wrote. We are addressing (through comedy) the damage that occurs from fat shaming. I hope that clears it up."
We are not shaming Patty. We are addressing (through comedy) the damage that occurs from fat shaming. I hope that clears it up. Also, this article does a good job of explaining it more: https://t.co/WoR8R7TjqR#Insatiablehttps://t.co/GFkDdsn1uh
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) July 19, 2018
Milano also linked to a Teen Vogue article that discusses Insatiable's premise. In the piece, the show's main writer, Lauren Gussis mentioned that Insatiable is partly based on her own experiences. "This is my expression of my own process. My own pain," she told Teen Vogue. "And so I would never mock myself in a way that wasn't loving."
Gussis also tweeted about giving the show a chance.
— Lauren Gussis (@GussisLauren) July 21, 2018
Insatiable is currently set to premiere on Netflix August 10.
We constantly hear that sacrifice is the key to having a healthy and successful relationship. Perhaps that means waking up an extra 10 minutes earlier to make your SO a cup of coffee, dedicating one night a week for date night or coping with their rotten mood after a really rough day at work. Even though being in a healthy relationship does entail many expenses from both sides, when does it cross the line? All too often, it seems as if relationships diminish the passions and opinions of one side (or both) because of the other’s assertive behavior. Here are four signs you are too passive in your relationship.
1. You lose your own opinion
If you are too passive in a relationship, it is very likely that your opinion about certain topics is consistently being overshadowed, even so much that you stop voicing your opinion altogether. Isabella Santos, a sophomore at the University of Miami, experienced this warning sign firsthand in one of her past relationships. As a girl who had always been very assertive about her opinions, she found herself changing outfits for a night out with friends simply because her boyfriend didn’t approve of it. Without hesitation, she switched into an outfit he was finally content with her wearing. Isabella explains how your voice can easily be lost in an unbalanced relationship. “You don’t realize you are being passive in the relationship until you are completely out of it,” she says. “I let him make decisions for me that I have always made myself, but gosh, does love truly blind you or what?”
Making decisions together is a great way to strengthen your relationship and build trust, but when it comes down to your partner making decisions about you as an individual, a problem arises. This type of control that your SO may have over your decisions is a red flag that it may be time to break the relationship up. Speak your own opinion, but be sure to listen to their thoughts as well—it’s all about two-way communication!
2. You always feel inadequate
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” If you repeat that a couple times per day, there's a big chance you’re being too passive in your relationship. This sign is loaded with a lot of anxiety and insecurity. You might always be thinking of ways to make your SO happier, despite the cost on your end. You no longer prioritize your personal mental state and happiness, but feel it’s your obligation to do everything you can to make them happy. If your relationship is in a healthy place, you both want the best for each other. It’s not about proving who’s better at the relationship; rather, it’s about wanting your partner to be as comfortable and happy as you are.
3. You distance yourself from the important people in your life
It’s extremely important to stay connected to your family and friends even while being wholeheartedly in love. "I eventually gave up trying to merge my friend group with my love life due to the obvious disconnect between my boyfriend and friends,” Isabella explains. “This eventually turned into hanging out with him and his friends for the majority of the time and seeing my friends only occasionally.” This is a very common issue in relationships since it’s usually quite difficult to balance your time between your friends and partner adequately. It's completely understandable, but when you rarely see your friends at all and realize you spend more time with your SO’s social group simply because of their desire to do so, you might have gone too far.
4. Your goals? Gone
Ignoring your previous life goals and aspirations is a sign that you might be letting the relationship take over your life—and not in a good way. It shows you no longer see the point of working hard for personal success because you are just “hanging on for the ride” of their successes. Molly Bolton, a sophomore from the University of Florida, says it’s “extremely important to work toward your own goals in a relationship so that you can grow as an individual rather than a couple.”
Ignoring your own long-term desires will result in a sparse life lacking your own interests. Both individuals should motivate each other to reach their goals, not dwindle them.
Losing yourself in the midst of love is a very easy thing to do. We sometimes become so infatuated with our SO that the only thing that seems right is giving our whole selves to them, despite sacrificing our own needs and desires. The healthiest relationship is when both individuals can enjoy each other’s qualities without overshadowing one another. It is absolutely possible to be a supportive and caring partner while maintaining your own individual needs with good communication and a well-balanced relationship.
While fleeing police after a shooting in Los Angeles on Saturday afternoon, a 28-year-old man crashed a car outside of a Trader Joe's grocery store and ran inside, prompting a gun battle and hours-long standoff.
The store, located in the Silver Lake neighborhood of L.A., had about 40 to 50 people trapped inside as hostage negotiators worked with the still-unidentified man. According to The Los Angeles Times, over the course of three hours, the suspect allowed some people to leave. Others snuck out, crawling through windows on a chain ladder.
— Peter Daut (@CBSLAPeter) July 21, 2018
The man — who had been wounded in his left arm during the shootout prior to him entering the store — eventually handcuffed himself and surrendered. Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti held a news conference afterward, where he said a woman inside the Trader Joe's had been killed. ABC News later identified her as the store manager, Melyda Corado. Police confirmed that she was shot by the gunman.
— Mayor Eric Garcetti (@MayorOfLA) July 22, 2018
CNN reported that of the hostages, six people ranging in age from 12 to 81 were taken to the hospital afterward, though they were all in "fair condition" with no life-threatening injuries.
The entire ordeal with the man began as a "family dispute," in South L.A., The Los Angeles Times reported. Police said he shot his grandmother at least seven times and injured another woman before dragging her into his grandmother's Toyota Camry — the car he crashed outside of the Trader Joe's. There, she was removed from the vehicle. Los Angeles Police Chief Michel Moore said the woman suffered a relatively minor head wound and she's now in good condition. The suspect's grandmother, however, is in critical condition after undergoing surgery.
The destructive and tragic consequences one person can inflict are at the forefront of our minds tonight, as is the valor & dedication of our men & women who strived to protect so many innocent people-Our thoughts, prayers & hearts are with all effected by this senseless incident pic.twitter.com/NFXrM52tm3
— Chief Michel Moore (@LAPDChiefMoore) July 22, 2018
Trader Joe's PR director Kenya Friend-Daniel issued a statement on the incident. "Our hearts are broken over what happened today. This has been an incredible trauma, and our thoughts are with our Crew Members and customers. Our focus is on doing whatever we can to support them at this time. We appreciate everything Los Angeles law enforcement did to ensure an end to this ordeal."
The investigation into the hostage situation and death of Corado is ongoing.
As we’ve grown up, the world has gone digital, so naturally we have a different perspective on technology and its communication uses than older generations do. As young college women just starting out in or preparing to enter the professional workforce, proper email etiquette is essential to come across to employers as serious and qualified.
Sometimes we don't even realize the mistakes we’re making when it comes to emails. Here are several common errors to avoid before you hit send.
1. Your tone is too casual
OMG, LOL, and LMK are great for letting your squad know what’s up, but maybe not the best move for your colleague or boss.
Since we’re comfortable using email and text messages to talk to our friends, it might be hard to switch tones between audiences.
“Sometimes, younger people email professionals as if they were emailing their friends,” says Darlene Johnson, Director of External Relations at the Career Center at Hofstra University. “Always remember, you would speak in a different manner over the telephone to a professional than you would to a friend. That same difference should apply to email.”
Avoid using slang or casual words when talking to employers and colleagues. But make sure to find a balance between showcasing your mature “adulting” side and your actual self.
“The most common mistake young people make when communicating via email is not finding a balance between professionalism and personality,” says Heather Huhman, President of Come Recommended. “While some send overly formal emails that lack personality, others send emails cluttered with typos and slang.”
Find an appropriate balance that shows you’re a young professional ready for the working world, while also demonstrating your positive personality traits.
2. You don’t proofread for spelling or grammatical errors
Spellcheck exists for a reason!
When your emails are riddled with typos, it just looks careless. It suggests that you didn’t care to take the extra minute or so to glance over your email. Not to mention, you seem ignorant in disregarding the plethora of available resources that can help with the proofreading process.
“I have received emails with poor capitalization, grammatical errors or informal greetings,” says Johnson. “This does not show that you have a grasp on basic business communication, and could reflect poorly on you in an internship or job search.”
An email full of basic grammar issues just proves you didn’t put a lot of thought into your message, which might make an employer think you aren’t taking personal interactions, or the job, all that seriously. Don’t let a stupid typo or misuse of your/you’re stand between you and your dream job!
3. You don’t follow up
Having a solid convo with a potential employer is intimidating enough, so don’t let it go to waste by letting them forget about you.
After a networking event or career fair, make sure to follow up with any new contacts with an email so they remember you. Briefly reference any particular conversation you had, like, “I really enjoyed talking to you about the many opportunities for sophomores,” or, “The summer program you mentioned sounds like a great experience.” And make sure to say thank you!
“If sending a follow-up email to a professional that you met at a career fair or networking event, always attach your resume, event if the recipient has it,” advises Johnson. “This will make it easy for the recipient to re-familiarize him/herself with who you are and what experience you have.”
The night of or day after a career event is generally a good rule of thumb for following up because the conversation will still be fresh in their mind. Not to mention, they might be scheduling job interviews in the next coming days and you want to make sure they remember your name when it comes time to make the calls.
4. You forget your target audience or goal
Make sure to communicate the purpose of your email and keep your wording clear and concise. There’s no need to include excessive details or ramble on.
“Many young people believe a professional email needs to include a lot of detail to show they’re competent and experienced,” says Huhman. “However, most professionals appreciate a brief email that gets to the point, is polite and acknowledges the fact that their time is precious.”
Be present in the moment when you are writing your emails, not just hurriedly typing something out on your phone while on the go. Think about who you are writing to, and what you would say to the recipient in person if you ran into him or her on a 30-second elevator ride. You would have to give a greeting, but then get to your point fairly quickly! The best way to clearly communicate your purpose is to actually know it ahead of time, so have it mind when you prepare to type it out.
5. You are the only one reading your emails
No, we're not talking about some incognito internet hacker reading your witty banter with your friends.
Have friends or a family member read through an email, particularly a follow-up hoping for an interview, to make sure they can identify what you’re trying to say. Not to mention, they also know you and your personality well and they’ll be able to call you out for trying too hard to sound professional and losing your own voice in the process.
“If you are not sure if an email sounds professional, run it by someone,” says Johnson.
Most colleges also have career centers with advisers available to give feedback on almost anything, from resumes to cover letters to emails, so make sure to maximize the use of those resources, too.
6. You're too generic
Keep it professional, but don’t forget to make your communication personal.
Aside from the tendency to be too informal in email, sometimes emails are sent out that are too generic. You shouldn’t be able to copy and paste the same email to multiple employers, or even multiple people. This applies to follow-up emails, as well as normal office communication.
“If you are emailing a professional contact, be sure to include his or her name and also reference where you met this person, as they may not remember,” Johnson says.
Adding personal references differentiates yourself from other candidates as well as the many other emails the person you are emailing is receiving.
7. You haven’t changed your email address since seventh grade
Sorry, but jonasluvr5 might not come across as strictly business.
Be sure that you are using a professional account both on your resume and for job and internship search correspondence.
“An inappropriate email address will certainly put off an employer,” says Johnson. “A student I worked with had 'thongangle@...' as the email address on her resume. I had her change it immediately.”
Also, if you have separate email accounts for work and the rest of your life, make sure you are checking the work one regularly. Creating a completely separate account might be helpful, but a school email address also works fine.
Related: The Lazy Girl's Guide to Networking
These are just a few things to keep in mind as you’re preparing to go from group texts to office-wide emails. Some might seem obvious at first, but they're definitely common mistakes to watch out for. Just keep it professional, clear and concise, and make sure you sound like you! That’s why you got the job in the first place.
Navigating the adult world after a more carefree college experience can definitely be challenging. You want to have a great job, maintain solid relationships, exceed the expectations you set for yourself and, of course, find time to do things you enjoy (saying no to brunch just isn’t an option). And then comes the question we hear all too often: How do we fit working out into our demanding schedules? We talked to women who are just as ambitious about maintaining their health as they are about succeeding in their busy lives to find out their tips about prioritizing gym time. Your obligations may change every week, but these tricks will help you keep your workout motivation on track.
1. Schedule your workouts ahead of time
You rarely ever miss an appointment or meeting, so why should you miss a workout? Yes, life happens and sometimes plans come up, but if you treat your workouts as an important obligation rather than an option, you’ll be less likely to bail on them.
Mara Hyman, a graduate of the University of Southern California, understands the importance of treating your health as a priority. “I think the key with fitting time into your schedule to work out is acknowledging the fact that your health is as much, if not more of a priority than your job or other responsibilities,” she continues. “Change your mindset and take ownership in your workouts, and you'll find that everything else will fall into place—you’ll sleep better, you'll be more productive at work and you'll feel better.” Making time to work out ultimately benefits all areas of your life because you’re taking care of yourself first.
2. Do workouts you actually enjoy
Danielle Smith, an Emmanuel College grad, agrees it’s easier to make time for workouts when you look forward to them. “Fitness classes such as boot camp and Zumba are two of my favorites because they are not only motivating throughout the entire hour, but are also enjoyable when you get to dance to the beat and still work up a sweat.” Dancing that counts as cardio? Yes, please.
Being around others in a workout class can also feel like great motivation to keep coming back. Maybe you’ll even make some friends or find others who push you to challenge yourself. Working out doesn't have to feel like a burden; it’s worth taking the time to find workouts you can have fun with.
3. Switch up your workouts
Part of finding workouts you enjoy involves mixing your workout routines up, Hannah LeBlanc, a St. Joseph’s College graduate, says, “Switch your workout up as much as possible. If you are a member at a gym that offers a variety of classes, try a different one each time you go to the gym,” she continues. “Trying a variety of workouts will not only challenge your muscles but also help you not get bored or stuck in the same routine.” Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone to try a new workout class, such as boxing or yoga, is exactly the change of pace you need to keep the gym interesting. Plus, participating in a variety of workouts means you’re engaging different muscles each time and will see better results in the end.
4. Wake up early
We’ll wait for the groans and eye rolls to be over. Finished yet? We totally get waking up early to work out as opposed to getting an extra hour of sleep before your busy day may seem ridiculous. Especially when one of your favorite college relationships was with your bed. But hear us out because working out in the morning is more beneficial than you may think.
Hannah is the type who does whatever it takes to fit a workout in. “If it works for your schedule, try to workout earlier in the morning,” she shares. “Yes it might mean waking up a little earlier, but at the end of your workout you'll feel more energized and have the rest of the day to do what you want!” It’s true that workouts release endorphins that help make you happy. This good mood and energy boost will allow you to tackle your busy day ahead of you. Think of it as getting your workout over with early on. This way you don’t have an entire day to make up excuses as to why you should skip your gym time. Wake up, work out and enjoy the rest of your day without the thought of a workout looming over you.
5. Choose your workout buddy wisely
Anything in life is more enjoyable when shared with a friend. Finding a workout buddy can be difficult because you want someone who will motivate you, and we all know it’s not easy to say no to your best friend when she says you should skip the gym and "treat yoself" to margaritas instead. Ann Shoket, former editor-in-chief of Seventeen Magazine and an author, shares some great advice about “embracing the mess” in her book The Big Life. Her thoughts on work-life balance? “It doesn’t exist. And I don’t think it should.” The idea of having everything under control at all times is simply unreasonable, which is why it’s okay to miss a workout here or there if needed.
Ann rarely ever says no to an invite—yes, even a woman this successful still gets FOMO. This means exercise sometimes takes a backseat to all of her other obligations. The solution? Use workouts as a chance to strengthen relationships and network. When we asked Shoket what her favorite type of workout is, she was quick to remind us that success means always hustling. “I love Pilates and spin, but it's the first thing to fall off my calendar when I get busy. I always try to enlist a friend or colleague so we can either get bonding in or some work.” Networking during a workout? Impressive. Even the most powerful women have trouble finding time to work out, but they stay fabulous because they always get back on track.
6. Find a gym or workout class near your office
Whether this means finding a workout studio or fitness center on your route to work, seeing it every day will give you no excuse not to stop in. Sarah McDaniel, a recent graduate of Indiana University, uses this trick to her advantage. “I bought a yoga membership for a studio that's on my way home from work and has classes at 5:30 every day. I drive past it after leaving work at 5 so I have no excuse not to go!” She continues, “I also use it as my one hour of ‘me’ time when I'm not focused on work or anything else, and get to de-stress. It makes all the difference.” If you’re one of the lucky ones, there may even be a company gym right at your office! Take advantage of location and be sure to keep a change of workout clothes handy.
Taking the time to carve out a few hours a week to focus on your health is crucial to success. However you decide to incorporate workouts into your weekly routines, just be sure you’re having fun with it. Going to the gym every day can be boring, but if you go with a friend or find new classes to take, you’ll motivate yourself to keep going. Cheers!
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Good morning Her Campus! With a break-neck news cycle, there is no possible way for you to stay on top of every story that comes across your feeds—we’re all only human, after all.
But, life comes at you fast. So grab a cup of coffee and settle in for this quick and dirty guide to stories you might’ve been sleeping on (like, literally. It’s early.)
Hillary Clinton Opened Up At New York Festival
The former Democratic presidential candidate, secretary of state and U.S. senator attended OZY Fest in New York on Saturday, and in conversation with Laurene Powell Jobs, Clinton discussed a number of topics. This included the recent Helsinki summit between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, which she called"alarming on many, many levels." Clinton added that "hardly anybody who believes in freedom gets along with" Putin, and that Trump "wants to be friends with Putin for reasons that we're all still trying to figure out."
According to Clinton, it's also a "mystery" why Trump "has not spoken up for our country," as the Russian interference in the 2016 election was "a direct attack on our democracy." The foreign meddling doesn't appear to be over, either. Clinton said the US is still "very vulnerable" to interference. "Several of the intelligence professionals, including Dan Coats, the director of national intelligence, have said the Russians are still at it," she said. "They are still looking for ways to steal information about voter registration, for example."
Clinton continued, "there are some tech experts in Silicon Valley with whom I have met who say that maybe what they'll do this next time is to really disrupt the actual election -- shut down the servers that you send results to, interfere with the operation of voting machines because still too many of them are linked to the internet. We are still very vulnerable and we don't have leadership from the administration."
Regarding what she's been up to, Clinton said she'll be announcing more information soon about helping organize transportation for immigrants trying to reunite with their families after being separated at the US border due to the Trump administration's zero-tolerance policy.
The FBI Released The Warrant Documents On Trump Associate Carter Page
On Saturday, following a Freedom of Information Act request, the FBI released a redacted version of its surveillance warrant application on Trump campaign foreign policy adviser Carter Page. The warrant was initially approved in 2016, granting the FBI permission to conduct surveillance on Page. This, for many Republicans, is proof of their claim that the Justice Department has purposely abused its power and targeted the Trump campaign.
"The FBI believes that Page has been collaborating and conspiring with the Russian government,"the application reads. Also included are the FBI's beliefs that "Page has been the subject of targeted recruitment by the Russian government" and that "there is probable cause that such activities involve or are about to involve violations of the criminal statutes of the United States."
BREAKING: Here's the Carter Page FISA materials, obtained by NYT and several other organizations via Freedom of Information Act litigation.https://t.co/SdFCV6Lyvb
— Charlie Savage (@charlie_savage) July 21, 2018
A number of officials have released statements on the warrant release, including Rep. Adam Schiff, the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee. According to him, the applications "underscore the legitimate concern FBI had about Page's activities as it was investigating Russia's interference." Trump took to Twitter, citing the release as evidence that his campaign was "illegally being spied upon (surveillance) for the political gain of Crooked Hillary Clinton and the DNC."
— State of the Union (@CNNSotu) July 22, 2018
Page defended himself in an interview with CNN's Jake Tapper on Sunday. "I’ve never been an agent of [a] foreign power by any stretch of the imagination," Page said, calling the allegations "spin," a "ridiculous smear campaign," and "literally a complete joke." However, Page admitted that he worked as an informal adviser to the Russian government in 2013.
More Than 100 Former Ohio State Students Have Accused A Professor & Team Doctor Of Sexual Misconduct
After numerous former Ohio State University wrestlers came forward to say they were abused by Dr. Richard H. Strauss — a former wrestling team physician and assistant professor of medicine who also worked at the student health center — more than 100 former students of the school have accused Strauss of sexual misconduct. Strauss killed himself in 2005, but a number of accusers are pursuing legal action against the university as they claim officials knew of the abuse and did nothing to stop it.
Two separate class-action lawsuits were filed last week with this notion. Together, they allege that Ohio State officials received at least three complaints about Strauss: "in 1978, after the captain of the wrestling team told a doctor at the university’s health center that Mr. Strauss had fondled him; in 1993, when a wrestler complained to the team’s head coach, Russ Hellickson; and in 1994, when two wrestlers confronted the university’s athletic director," The New York Times reported. One of the lawsuits even mentions Republican Representative Jim Jordan of Ohio. Jordan was the wrestling team's assistant coach throughout the late 1980s and early 1990s, and the suit accused him of ignoring wrestlers' complaints about Strauss' abuse.
Independent investigators hired by Ohio State University have been looking into the allegations against Strauss since April. "We are grateful to those who have come forward and remain deeply concerned for anyone who may have been affected by Dr. Strauss’ actions," said Ohio State President Michael V. Drake in a statement. "We remain steadfastly committed to uncovering the truth."
What to look for...
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again is now out in theaters, and seeing Donna (Meryl Streep) and Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) come to life on the screen again for the first time in 10 years is absolutely heartwarming. The story of Amanda Seyfried’s Sophie trying to navigate adulthood nearly 40 years after young Donna (Lily James) did the same, makes for tons of character parallels and reminds us of what strong, beautiful women our mothers are.
Donna, in particular, is one of those characters that will stand the test of time and continue to be beloved by viewers—just like Streep’s original portrayal of Donna created its place in our hearts. As the leader of the Dynamos, the object of affection of Sam, Bill and Harry, and the wise, caring mother of Sophie, Donna has more than a few life lessons we college women can take with us as we start the next chapters in our lives. Here are just a few of the things we can learn from Donna.
— Mamma Mia (@mammamiamovie) July 20, 2018
1. The best things in life are spontaneous
We first meet young Donna as she’s asked to give the valedictorian address at her graduation (which is already quite the achievement). But instead of giving a rehearsed, vague speech about looking forward to what comes next, Donna breaks out into song with her best friends Tanya and Rosie, aka power girl group the Dynamos. It’s impossible to watch them sing and dance to ABBA’s “When I Kissed the Teacher” and not break out into a huge smile. These are the kinds of memories we all want to have, but sometimes we can only get them by living in the moment and remembering to have fun, instead of spending so much time worrying about the future.
2. Sometimes you have to follow your gut
Donna thinks her destiny is in Greece. She isn’t exactly sure why, besides her inexplicable attraction to the island of Kalokairi, but she decides to take the jump and head there anyway. Her friends don’t understand it and even hint at the fact that they think she should come back, but Donna’s ambition and decision to take her own path is so admirable. Plus, if she never stayed in Kalokairi, we would never get the story of the original Mamma Mia!. So the next time you find yourself debating over whether or not to do that thing you’ve been dreaming about, just ask yourself: What would Donna do?
3. You’re stronger than you think
Sophie says that when Donna found out she was pregnant, she had no one. But even if she was alone in her journey to becoming a mother, Donna decided to commit to her daughter and stayed on the island to raise her. It must have been terrifying to go through that without the support of the baby’s father, let alone an entire family or group of friends. But Donna was able to do it, and her dedication and love turned Sophie into the happy, loving woman she is today. So no matter what your struggle may be, you’re more than capable of coming out the other side a stronger, better person.
4. No matter where you are, you can always find a friend
Donna was great at making friends: she met each of the three men in her life in such unusual circumstances, but was able to turn each of those situations into an unforgettable relationship. Beyond romance, though, Donna found people who cared about her on the small island that everyone else wrote off, like bar owner Lazaros and his mother, who helps Donna through labor. So even when you feel like you’re going through something completely alone, there are always people who are willing to help you—like Sam helped Donna calm down a horse during a thunderstorm and Bill gave Donna a ride to Kalokairi. Kindness above everything else will get you far.
5. Be yourself and you will be loved
Ultimately, Donna is a beloved character because she was always unabashedly herself. Otherwise, Sophie wouldn’t look up to her so much, and Rosie and Tanya wouldn’t follow her lead like they always have. Her genuine attitude makes her likable to almost everyone she meets, and only people as talented and wonderful as Streep and James could’ve played her. The only way to secure a legacy like the one Donna has is to be the most authentic version of yourself, and you’ll find that all the other things in your life will start to work themselves out, whether that applies to love, friendship or your dreams.
If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you know the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. Insta-worthy sushi dates, Friday night parties and Netflix marathons are only half of the experience. Whether you’ve been seeing your SO for three weeks or three years, chances are they’ve struggled—or will struggle—with something. College is one of the most difficult times in a person’s life, especially with additional unexpected personal struggles. A family death on top of three exams in a week may call for extra support on your part. When your SO faces a challenge they didn’t plan, there are things you can do to help them overcome it.
1. Listen attentively
No one should ever have to go through a tough time alone. While it’s really important for your SO to have a supportive tribe of friends and family members, sometimes those people aren’t always available or willing to listen. If you want to help your SO, be their go-to person who can just sit and listen to whatever they have to say. Madison Becker, a junior at Kent State University, agrees that doing this one simple thing can make all the difference.
“I would say not only listening is important but also showing that you’re actively paying attention,” she says. “Sometimes all people need is someone to talk to, but if the listener isn’t mentally present, it’s like talking to a wall.”
It may be hard for you to listen to your SO’s problems when you have plenty of your own. A fight with a sibling, a late homework assignment or an unexpected breakout are the least of your problems. However, your job is to listen whenever your SO wants to rant or feels the need to cry.
2. Provide empathy and advice if asked
While silence may be enough for a particular situation, your SO may seek comfort or advice in others. Kind words can do wonders. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist, media personality and bestselling author based in Beverly Hills, believes there are certain things you should and should not say to a struggling SO.
“You should tell them, ‘I get it. It must really hurt that (such and such) happened,’ or, ‘I feel bad that you’re going through such a tough time. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,’” she says. “You shouldn’t tell them, ‘You’re such a downer and no fun to be with anymore,’ or, ‘Why can’t you just get over it already?’”
Sometimes all your SO wants is comfort, not advice. Voicing your own opinion about something you don’t know much about, such as their financial situation or mental health history could possibly create a new conflict. Madison also says, “Unless your SO is asking for advice on what to do, I would avoid offering your own opinion on the situation and remind them that everything is going to be alright in the end.”
Knowing when to stay quiet can be confusing and abiding by your SO’s wishes can be tough, but if you really care for them, you should respect their wants and needs.
3. Be there for them physically
If you ever performed in a recital or concert as a kid, you probably looked out at the audience to find your loved ones. Having someone you care about support you from the sidelines honestly means everything. The same concept applies to supporting your SO through a difficult situation. Although you shouldn’t spend your every waking hour with them, you should try to open up your schedule and spend some quality time together. If that means watching a movie together while cuddling or having a heart-to-heart conversation, do those things. If your SO wants you to attend a funeral or an appointment with them, do those things, too.
Kaitlin Rush, a senior at the University of Scranton, made sure she was available for her boyfriend when his father passed away. “Just being there was the best I could do for him,” she says. “I was a shoulder to cry on and tried to remind him of the fun he had with his dad.”
In long-distance relationships, physical presence can prove to be nearly impossible in some cases. You can call and FaceTime your SO, but it’s not going to be the same as being there next to them. You can’t hug through a phone. Jay Hurt, a relationship coach and author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, insists that if you can manage a trip to see your SO, it’s totally worth it for the both of you.
“There’s like an energy that we pull from each other when we’re there for each other,” he says. “I think it’s important to find a way to be there periodically—either once every six months or once a year or whatever it is. There needs to be some way to fill in those gaps when you can.”
Making a small sacrifice to be there physically for your SO can make a huge difference.
4. Encourage them to seek outside help if necessary
Although it’s critical to be honest and open with your SO, there comes a point when too much emotional dependency can take a toll on both you and the relationship. A tough situation can strengthen the bond between two romantic partners if one doesn’t rely consistently on the other for heavy advice and physical presence.
“If you start taking on all the emotional responsibility for your SO, it will be very harmful to your relationship,” Dr. Lieberman says “You will become their crutch and you will start to resent it. They will feel bad about themselves and start to resent you, too.”
If your SO won’t talk to another trusted individual, you might want to consider sitting down with them to discuss pursuing professional help, such as a therapist. Staging an intervention and catching them off-guard is much different than clear communication. Hurt believes that communication is key to avoid a rift in the relationship.
“You have to communicate how you feel, what the expectations are, and how you want to interact,” he says. “You have to communicate and let that person know and talk through these things or eventually you’ll pull away. You’ll lose the relationship because you didn’t work through that issue.”
It’s going to get really complicated if you can’t learn to advocate for both you and your SO.
5. Give them space if they want it
Everyone deals with negative feelings differently. If your SO is the type of person who builds walls and shuts down when they’re stressed, it may be best to leave them alone. Healing is a unique emotional process. Some yearn for constant attention while others want complete isolation. It might be hard for your SO to let you know they need space.
Dr. Lieberman advises, “If your SO closes up during a tough time, don’t keep nagging them. Although the cause may have nothing to do with you, if you keep nagging, you’re liable to finally get them to explode with, ‘You’re what’s wrong! I don’t ever want you to see you again!’”
You don’t want your helicopter tendencies to be the source of a new divide between you two. Your SO is already stressed and inside their head. Let them know you’re available to listen and talk whenever they’re ready, but don’t keep pressing them.
Being there for your SO during a rough patch in their life can be both rewarding and draining. However, it’s a part of a romantic relationship that simply can’t be avoided. We all experience failure, loss and disappointment. Having the support of not only your friends and family but also your SO can expedite the process of conquering whatever stands in your way. A relationship is a two-way street. Hopefully by helping your struggling SO now, they’ll return the favor in the future.